Ouran High School Screw Up
by LiveandLetBe
Summary: Yuki and Yune will do anything it takes to stay at the prestigious Ouran Academy - even if it means pretending to be boys to maintain their scholarship. But what's this about a Host Club? HikaruxOC, KyoyaxOC. Rated T for some bad language and implied sexuality. I don't own OHSHC.
1. Chapter 1: Apocalypse

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 1: Apocalypse

* * *

"So… why are we here again, Tamaki?" Haninozuka Mitsukuni asks. Suou Tamaki, of course, replies with his normal energy.

"To observe commoners in action!" He smiles and looks triumphantly around the food court.

"Please get off of the table." Ootori Kyoya pushes his glasses up his nose, accenting his severely pissed-off face. He does not like being woken up at ten in the morning—how preposterous! It is a weekend, after all—to go on a little field trip to the goddamn _mall_.

"Aww, but _Mom!_" whines Tamaki, using the pet name the club has for Kyoya. Tamaki is their "Daddy," so Kyoya must be "Mommy." Haninozuka is called "Honey," Morinozuka Takashi—who is staring glumly around with his classic expression on his face—called "Mori," and the twins referred to as… well… the twins.

"Get off. You're making commoners stare." Kyoya is messing with his cell phone, so he doesn't notice Honey, the shortest of them and clearly the cutest (despite the fact that he's the most deadly), skip off to a pet store. And since Mori is trying to keep the twins from setting a whoopee cushion under an elderly woman's multicolored moomoo-clad backside, he doesn't notice Honey putting a small hand on the glass of the bunny exhibit. And since all four—Kyoya, Mori, Hikaru, and Kaoru—are fighting to get Tamaki off of the table in the food court in the mall, none of them notice the short, adolescent girl walk over to Honey, lean down, and begin to talk to him.

So, essentially, none of them notice the end of the world.

"Whoa, where'd Honey go?" the twins ask simultaneously. Mori takes off like a dart after his self-assigned charge and Tamaki leads the procession into the commoners' pet store.

"Takashi!" Honey is the only one that calls Mori that. "Yuki let me hold this bunny! It's so fuzzy!"

He holds up a small black bunny, barely the size of his child-sized hand. Looking at him, you wouldn't believe that he's a third-year high school student.

"Hmm." That's about the extent of Mori's vocabulary. Kyoya, however, isn't looking at the bunny or analyzing Mori's speech patterns; he's observing the slim girl drowned in a pet store uniform standing by, white hand prepared to catch the bunny if it fell. She has a sweet, heart-shaped face, with big eyes and hair that falls over her shoulders in curls like ink.

She glances up at him, sensing his gaze, and then at Tamaki.

"Oh no. No way." She straightens and runs a hand through her hair. "I didn't think that he'd be in with _you_ people."

"_Us people?_" Tamaki asks. He's always the first to defend the Host Club, but Kyoya doesn't know how this girl working in the pet store knows about it.

"Yes. You people. The 'upper class.' Biggest load of bull I've ever heard." She shrugs and leans down to be at Honey's height. "Hey, you ready to put him away?"

"What do you mean? What's wrong with the upper class?" Tamaki wants to know as the girl takes the baby rabbit and sets him gently in its container.

"Oh nothing. You're all just bastards who think you can manipulate us because you're a few dollars richer." When she straightens, Tamaki is still more than a foot taller than her, but her matter-of-fact stare breaches the distance and makes him feel like taking a step back. "And before you ask, yes, I really do think so, no, I won't go on a date with that friend of yours who keeps staring at me like a pedophile, and yes, I do want you to get out of the store. Have a good day."

"But Yuki! I wanted to buy the bunny!" Honey's eyes get that misty look to them and Kyoya waits for her to cave and comfort him. He's still stinging from the pedophile comment, so wanders over to look at the snakes lounging under a warming light.

"Oh, that's right, here. He's a cutie, isn't he?" But Yuki's voice stays cold, even as she smiles at him. "The register's over here!" She lets Honey take her hand as she leads him to the counter, but sends a glare over her shoulder at Tamaki and the rest of the boys. The twins exchange glances and Tamaki shivers.

"Miaku Yuki, I demand you give me three thousand yen immediately!" The girl who storms into the nearly-abandoned pet store could be Yuki's clone, with the same green eyes and long midnight curls, but wears tight black clothing and skull-and-crossbones in her ears.

"Hello Yune." Yuki tries to keep the smile from her face but it's clear that she can't. "I don't have three thousand yen to give you, but if you really beg you can have… a thousand and twenty-two."

"Aww, but the boots cost five thousand, and I only have two thousand!" Tamaki raises an eyebrow and Kyoya pushes his glasses up again. Fifty yen? What kind of pocket money is that?

Hikaru volunteers with, "Here, let me!" and whips out his wallet. He's clearly enamored with Yune's short black skirt and long fishnet-clad legs. While she and Yuki both have the same innocent face, hers has a dangerous glint as she takes a wad of cash from Hikaru, one of the red-haired twins.

"Holy shit, this is sixty-five hundred thousand yen!"

Yune looks like she's ready to sleep with Hikaru right there, but Yuki's face grows cold, reminding Kyoya of the marble statues of Medusa—cold, stone, and full of downright loathing.

"You are such worthless pieces of shit," she hisses. Mori picks Honey up and covers his ears as Yuki steps from behind the counter to stand in their faces. Hikaru isn't used to it—none of them are. She invades their personal space so easily… Tamaki wonders, _Is this how commoners always act?_

"This is just proof of how _worthless_ and _low_ your type is. It's _disgraceful_. You think you can _buy_ my sister? Yeah, she'll keep the money. As a matter of fact, I would be angry if she _didn't_. But I want you to get your self-righteous asses _out_ of my store, _out_ of my mall, and _out_ of my world. Go back to your own drug addicted, self-obsessed, cushy lives and just watch us squirm under your feet. It's all you've ever done! You don't give a damn about us, just live off of our efforts. Well, it's about time you got a reality check!" She pokes a finger into Tamaki's chest, actually forcing him back towards the door. "Get out of here. Now. Fuck _off_, fuck _out_, and go fuck _yourselves_."

And with that, a commoner girl actually shoves Tamaki.

Yune claps her twin on the back. "Sorry, dudes, but I think my sis just kicked you out! Thanks for the cash, though, eternally grateful, yada yada. Adios! Au Revoir! Sayonara!" She waves a black-nailed hand as they file out of the store, Kyoya going last. He pauses at the door, leaning momentarily on the green frame.

"For the record, my father owns this mall _and_ signs your paycheck. But thank you for saying that to Tamaki, he probably does need a small reality check. Not that it will phase him for long. Here, for your efforts." He holds out a hundred-dollar bill between to fingertips, as casually as can be.

Yuki looks at him.

And spits on his perfect black shoes.

"Keep your blood money," she hisses, and he smiles at her, taking in the picture. He figures that this is how he'll remember the spunky commoner girl in the mall: alabaster skin, thick red lips, clear light green eyes and a beautiful, delicate face. Slim frame, thin, almost frail looking, with expressive fingers and a constant quizzical expression. Phenomenal glare, with the body of an angel and the temper of a demon.

Yes, that's how he'll remember her, Kyoya thinks as Tamaki leads them out of the mall, much of his energy taken, but still maintaining more than the average human being. Miaku Yuki. Of course, he'd never see her again.

He has no idea how wrong he is.


	2. Chapter 2: Inception

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 2: Inception

* * *

The first day at Ouran Academy is always the worst—for the newcomers, anyway. It's never easy to adjust to the luxuriant atmosphere of the academy. For the Ouran High School Host Club, however, the first day is the best. It's the day that they get to begin their duties… which include flirting with girls, throwing parties, and getting rich off of it.

"We sacrifice so much for the girls of this school," Tamaki says dramatically, clearly over the humility incurred by the Commoners' Mall Incident less than three days ago.

"Yes, you are so giving," says Kyoya, sarcasm practically dripping from his voice. He's totaling the sums for the cost of the beginning-of-the-year party as the door opens and the others immediately jump into Host mode.

"Welcome to the Ouran High Scho—_oh_. It's a boy." Hikaru and his mirror twin exchange glances and Honey frowns.

"Yune!" He smiles, recognizing the girl from the mall that Hikaru had handed the better part of a million yen to.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Honey freezes. The boy looks like Yune, the girl from the commoners' mall, almost exactly… But the black hair is cut short and he's in the boys' uniform. Maybe it's just a case of mistaken identity after all.

"No, I guess not." Honey is confused, but just goes back to Mori, who's holding a tray of cupcakes for Honey's eating pleasure.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt… whatever you're doing." The Yune look-alike raises an eyebrow. "Do you know where I could get some alone time? The libraries are crowded and all of the music rooms are full of wackos, apparently."

"Are you sure you're not that girl from the mall?" the twins ask in unison, leaning over to investigate.

"I'm a guy! Why can't you just accept that and move on! And what mall? My brother and I only just flew in yesterday!"

"So what _is_ your name, then, mysterious stranger?" Tamaki asks in good humor, putting an arm around the boy. He squirms away.

"Hitsushi Yosuke, why?"

"Because you are now the newest member of the Host Club!"

"What!"

The twins wiggle their eyebrows. "Yay, my lord, another toy!" Mori shrugs and hands Honey another cupcake. Kyoya just leans back against the wall, watching Yosuke argue with Tamaki.

"Onii-chan, where are—oh, _yuck_." The new boy standing in the doorway is clearly the brother that Yosuke had mentioned, the only differences between them being that Yosuke is slightly taller and doesn't have reading glasses on his nose. "What are you doing here, Yosuke?"

"These fucktards think I joined the Host Club!"

Tamaki shakes a finger. "Now, if you're a member of the Host Club, then it's not suiting to use strong language! It is ungentlemanly."

"Ungentlemanly my ass, you just don't have the balls to say them," sneers Yosuke, letting his brother through the doorway to stand even with him. "I'm not in your damn Homo Club!"

"Host Club," Mori corrects quietly.

"Now Yosuke…" The brother wraps an arm around him and whispers something in his ear.

"_Hell_ no, this won't do at all! I'm not going to put up with these… these… these _morons_ just because you think it'll help in the long run! You're the one who's always saying we should screw them and do what we want!"

"No, Yosuke, listen to me."

"No, Yuki, leave me alone!"

And then Yosuke pushes Yuki.

And Yuki falls.

And, almost in slow motion, takes the vase with him.

Kyoya smiles and pushes his glasses up his nose again, the glint hiding his eyes as he says, "Well, Hitsushi Yosuke, you might not be in the Host Club… but now your brother is."

* * *

Lillian looks around her room—beautiful. It had the simple elegance of her old room in London, but with a little Asian flair. This is Japan, after all, and Lillian Whiteford is prepared to live it to the fullest. Ouran Academy has so much to offer, and her father is backing her up, of course. He always did.

Toto is curled up in a black ball on her bed, already making a mess of her white sheets. She giggles; Toto is too cute. The only problem is if her roommates will like him. Lillian (preferably called Lilly) isn't thrilled about having a roommate, but it will be a fun new experience, won't it?

"Umm hi, are you my roommate?" a voice asks and Lillian whirls to face the girl. She's beautiful, with tanned skin and dark brown hair that reaches down a little past her shoulders.

"Yeah. You must be Megan Shaft. It's so nice to meet you." Lillian grins at the girl, her excitement building. "I'm Lillian Whiteford, and this is Toto. It's his naptime."

"I see." Megan's eyes shine. "You new?"

"Yeah, from London."

"Hollywood, California for me. My mom's a minor actress. Done a few movies and stuff." Megan shrugs. "Any other roomies I should know about?"

"I think we're waiting on one more. Katy Burns."

"I think I hear my name!" The girl who bursts into the room has straight blond hair and is painfully thin, but somehow her energy takes up the whole room. "Katy Burns, at your service!" She throws giant suitcases onto the empty bed and takes a dramatic bow.

"Lillian and Megan. Call me Lilly, though, I hate my full name." She smiles and extends a hand. "So, know of anyone to look for? Or look out for?"

"The Host Club," Katy says without thinking. "Suou, Ootori, Hitachiin, Morinozuka, Haninozuka… all of the big names. All in one club."

"Ooh, hot!" Megan exclaims, flopping down onto her bed. "Can't wait."

"Apparently, there's a big party for only first-years after dinner tonight. Called the freshman ball or something. And there's always a theme for them. This one's gonna be formal. You know, evening dresses, tuxes, roses, the whole shebang."

"Shebang, huh? Where are you from again?"

"Milan, why?"

"Oh, nothing. We're going to have such fun!" Lilly puts an arm around each of her new roommates. "So, does anyone know where we can buy a good dress?"

* * *

Yuki exchanges a glance with her twin sister. "How much is it, then?"

"We expected it to go for eight million yen," the twins inform her, wicked grins mirroring the rest of the clubs'. _Oh shit, are we in trouble…!_

"I'll find another way to pay it off." Yuki's voice is rock firm, but she's bordering somewhere along fear, if you could call it that. It is a new thing for her.

"Sorry," Kyoya says, stepping in for Tamaki as leader, "but you're the Host Club's dog now. Your brother can join if he wants, but we already have a set of twins. But then, you're decent enough looking, and I bet we could make some money off of you…"

Yune groans. "Decent enough looking? Are you kidding me? I am goddamn sexy! You should see these boots I bought a few days ago, they totally kick—"

Covering her twin's mouth, Yuki whispers, "How often do we have to be here?"

"Every day after class, sometimes longer to plan parties. You'll be expected to participate in all activities and events in a manner that will benefit the Host Club and its name, as well as its members individually. You are not permitted to openly perform acts of misconduct at any time, must respect senior members of the club, defend the club in all ways possible and necessary, and ensure that every one of our female members has the best time that she can have at any given time. Do you understand?" Kyoya sounds like he's reciting from a guidebook, but none of the other members have heard it before, so it's assumedly off the top of his head.

"Yes, I understand." Yuki stands strongly, weight balanced over each foot, shoulders back, head held high… _Daddy would be proud,_ Yune thinks sarcastically. _Always stand tall in the face of adversity, rule number one._ "How long until my debt is repaid?"

"If you can manage to get one hundred steady designations by the end of the year, we will consider your debt of eight million yen repaid."

She feels like smacking the boy right there, and can tell that her sister feels the same way. Yuki puts a hand on Yune's—or Yosuke's—shoulder. "We accept."

The twins clap. "Wonderful! Let's begin!"

Yuki smiles, and it's equal to Kyoya's cunning one.

"Oh no. No way. If I'm going to play a game, it can't be entirely by your rules." She pauses, letting Yune get excited about this. It's been so long since they had anyone worthwhile to torture. "We get one hundred total, because, as brothers, we would be pooling money to pay it off anyway. We get Saturdays completely off, have equal say in all parties, activities, and planning, and are consulted before anything is released with our name or person in or on it. We are allowed to approve silly costumes before wearing them, aren't used as 'toys' by the Hitachiin brothers, and can count this among our extracurricular activities." She checks; that will cover most of their potential problems. "Oh, here's more. Once we, the Hitsushi brothers in collaboration, collect one hundred steady designations, we can continue our lives free of the Host Club and never have to set foot in this room again for any reason whatsoever, unless we make the choice to do so. We are not bound to this club or any of its members; there are no additions or edits to this agreement; we owe you no more than eight million and shall do only minor favors that do not risk insulting or damaging our egos, potential, reputation, future, et cetera. Anything you would like to add?"

"I could not have said it better myself."

Kyoya looks at Yuki head on, impressed with the fire in those light green eyes. It has been a while since he had anyone to spar with.

"Then we are in agreement."

Yuki holds out a hand and Kyoya shakes it without hesitation.

This is going to be one hell of a year.

* * *

It turns out that Megan's dad is a famous director, Katy's mother designs million-dollar shoes in Milan, and Lilly's been placed with the best roommates. But then, the other girls have to admit, she isn't a lightweight herself; her parents run the most successful businesses in Europe, not that she's very proud. The other girls' stories are so much more interesting… and _dang_ Katy's closet is amazing!

"Yeah, feel free to borrow whatever," Katy says, gesturing to piles of dresses, shoes, designer labels. "What's mine is yours! Ooh, let's go eat cake!"

"Cake? You are _random_!"

"And loving it!" The three laugh and Toto barks, tiny tail wagging. The other two lean down to pet him while Lily frowns, looking out of the window. Ouran Academy is almost too perfect: the big names, the cute boys, the awesome roomies, the fancy, expensive, hot-off-the-runway dresses. Not that she is going to complain.

* * *

Yuki checks the list again. "Yeah, Yune, here's your room. A145. I'm on the floor above, B188, if you need me."

"Sheesh, I know, I know. You worry too much." Yune kisses her sister's cheek. "Go! Meet your roommate! I'll be fine. No sweat. I just didn't expect that we'd have to share rooms with someone other than each other… doesn't matter. We'll just have to be extra careful."

"Be safe. We only have to do this until winter break, and by then we'll have the money saved up to pay for a real tuition." Yuki fought her ass off to get into this school—the best academy in Japan, not to mention all of the important heirs that go here—on scholarship, and isn't about to lose it because of some silly gender misunderstanding. It was so much easier to get in as a boy, and until she can come up with the proper amount of money (by some miracle), scholarship tuition is how they'll have to go. So what if they have to pretend to be boys? The school will never know, or need to, for that matter. They'll get the money, disappear over winter break, and come back as girls. No problem.

She smiles at her twin and walks calmly to the stairs, leaving Yune to herself. The cheery expression falls from her face. _How are we going to survive this? At least we'll get in with some of the big names. And the Host Club might be willing to lend us some cash if we play our cards right, but that's only a last resort. We'll have to work fast to give them their eight million back, though, if we're going to do it by winter break… I'd hate to bring Yune back to our dream school with a million-dollar debt on our hands…_

She's always been the smarter one—with money, anyway, and with grades. Yune can pick pockets, scam, curse, kick ass with a kendo stick, and do pretty much anything else, but Yuki is a plotter. A planner.

And, above anything else, Yuki hates not having a plan.

So when she opens the door, her one duffel bag over her shoulder, she has no idea what to expect. It certainly isn't a thin black-haired boy with glasses and expensive black shoes sitting on one of the unmade beds, tinkering with a cell phone. It certainly isn't, "Come in, I expected they'd pair me with someone this year." It certainly isn't Ootori Kyoya with a bored expression on his face, saying, "This is my bed, that one's yours. I hope you don't take too long in the bathroom in the morning, because I've been told I'm grumpy when I wake up and I don't like people wasting time." It certainly isn't responding, "Nope, I'm pretty good about the bathroom. As long as you don't clog the toilet we should be well off."

Kyoya isn't exactly thrilled with the whole "roommate" thing, but it could have been worse. He can tell that this twin was Yuki, even though he isn't wearing his glasses now. He just has that glint to his eye… not the dangerous glint, like Yosuke, but an observant one.

Could be worse.

Could be Tamaki.

The thought makes him smile.

"Well, set your bag down. Light packer?"

"I don't have much to pack." At Kyoya's quizzical glance, Yuki adds, "I don't come from a rich family like yours. We're here on scholarship."

"I know. I have your file here. Interesting back-story. Your parents are dead?"

"No. My father is alive. But he's in the process of disowning me. Yosuke and I live alone in an apartment building leased to me." He shrugs and busies himself unpacking his few belongings, trying to keep from meeting Kyoya's eyes. It works, leaving Kyoya to mind his own business.

His new roommate is peculiar, and he can't help but get an awful feeling about the whole predicament. What would make a father disown his son as he got into a super-exclusive academy on scholarship? How could a fourteen-year-old boy support himself, and his identical twin, in an apartment and still manage to go to school? Much less, be brilliant enough to get a complete scholarship?

"You aren't going to just let it go." Yuki's voice startles him. It sounds so gentle, but the underlying tone is cold and mature, like silk over steel.

"Not a chance."

"I thought not." Kyoya's roommate straightens and peers out of their large arched window. "Well, I suppose you'll just have to be curious, then."

"Are you challenging me?"

Yuki winks and heads for the bathroom. "We'll see, Ootori Kyoya."

* * *

Opening the door to find Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin is never an ingredient for a good day. Opening the door to find that you'll be spending the next twelve months of your life going to sleep and waking up with them, however, is about the worst it can get.

Add that to the fact that they're blowing balloon animals and listening to some screamo German music just takes the cake.

"What. The. Hell."

"Yosuke! You're our new roommate!" Hikaru and Kaoru pull her in, one arm each in one coordinated motion, just about scaring her to death.

"What the hell are you doing? And woah, that is an bitchin' balloon turtle, how did you make that?"

Hikaru snickers and hits his brother in the shoulder. "Kaoru, you owe me a hundred."

"Why?" Yune wants to know, and Hikaru looks knowingly at her.

"Well, Kao-kun and I had this bet, you see. He said that our roommate would be boring. I said that our roommate would like balloon animals. I win."

Yune rolls her eyes. "This is going to be a long year, isn't it?"

"You have no idea." The twins wiggle their eyebrows at her and she yawns, stretching like a lion onto her new bed. Noticeably more comfortable than the one back in the old apartment complex, but smells kind of like roses. How disgustingly girly. That sure wouldn't last long, not with Yune.

Yune isn't like her sister—she didn't think twice about cutting off her hair and wearing the boys' uniform. It's fun, an adventure, exciting, challenging… Yune loves this kind of thing. Almost as much as she loves beating people with kendo sticks, but she would be hard pressed to find something any more enticing than kendo.

"So, new roomies, what's this I've been hearing about a 'freshman ball'?"


	3. Chapter 3: Soiree

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 3: Soiree

* * *

There are few things that Katy likes more than fine dresses. At the top of her list is fun. Somewhere along there is hyperactivity, dancing, scaring people, and interior decorating, but the point is, Katy appreciates the finer things in life—Gucci shoes, Chanel handbags, and, put simply, fine evening wear. So, when presented with the challenge of finding dresses for Lilly and Megan, she can't possibly be more ecstatic.

"Oh my gosh, well, Megan, you've got dark hair and your skin would go completely fantastic with this midnight blue, but the cut's all wrong for you, so try it on anyway and we'll see. Lily, with your blond hair, I'm thinking green. I've got a lovely little number over here that should go well with your eyes…"

It isn't long before Lilly is thrown into a jade green gown that collects at the chest and has a ruffled translucent layer hanging all the way down to the feet. Megan's is a royal blue taffeta with stone pinches that laces up her back, falling down to her toes like a princess' dress. For herself, of course, a spanking new black strapless with lacy flowers down the front and an elegant scooping back. Earrings, shoes, necklaces, hair accessories: Katy has it all.

"This is amazing!" Megan tells her, checking her hair one last time. "I like the butterfly pins. They looked tacky at first, but when they're up, they look amazing!"

"Glad you like it. Oh, Lilly, don't mess with your hair so much, it took me forever to get it to curl like that."

"I know, and you griped the whole time," complains Lilly. "'Sit still, don't touch that, my gosh you're so twitchy!'"

"Don't mock me or I won't let you wear my heels," Katy warns, and both girls fall silent before all three burst out into laughter.

"This is going to be great. We missed dinner, but they'll have refreshments at the party, I'm sure."

Dressing up like this reminds all three girls of home, though Katy seems to be the only one that enjoys it to the fullest. Lilly looks hesitant while Megan just looks slightly queasy.

"Are you sure we'll be able to wear these? What if I spill something? Or rip the hem?"

"Oh, psh. It's going to be fine. We're bffs now, I don't care!" Katy laughs and hugs the girls close. "Come on, let's be on our way!"

* * *

"I didn't think about this," Yuki mutters to herself as she buttons the tux over her chest. It is hard trying to make her chest look flat, but she manages somehow and is pleased with the result. "Kyoya, I think it fits right."

"Yes, that's fine," he says breezily, "but the shoulders are on wrong. Here."

He fixes them himself, putting his hands on her shoulders and smoothing it down. _He really doesn't know I'm a girl. Shit, we really _are_ screwed._

"I'm going to go find my twin. See you at the party."

"Ten minutes!"

"Yeah, we'll be there." Yuki shoots out of the room like lightning. She isn't normally one to feel awkward, but if she ever has, this is it. Just to get the blush out of her cheeks, she waits outside of Yune's dorm for a few minutes before knocking.

"Be right there!" Yune sounds like she's been laughing. "Oh, Yuki, hey. Finally got this damn thing on. I didn't realize how hard it was."

Her carefree grin makes Yuki's heart infinitely lighter. "Well, not all of us are challenged. Come on, we're supposed to get there early or something."

"Mkay. Hikaru, Kaoru, Yuki and I are heading down! Later!"

"The twins are your roommates?" Yuki asks and Yune snorts.

"They're even weirder than you are."

"Thanks."

"No problem! So, do you think we have to dance?"

"Yep."

"Damn."

"Yep."

"Good thing we can dance."

"Yep."

"Yep? Why do you keep saying yep?"

"Yep."

"I don't get it!"

Yuki just laughs and punches her twin's shoulder. "Just freaking you out. Guess who my roomie is."

"Umm… Chuck Norris."

"No, try again."

"Barney the Dinosaur."

"No. And, before you ask, it isn't Jack the Ripper _or_ Sweeny Todd."

"Damn," Yune mutters, then admits, "I give up. Who is your roommate?"

"Ootori Kyoya."

Yune collapses into laughter while Yuki glares at her through her reading glasses. She had lost her contacts a few days ago and is wearing them until new ones came in, much to her displeasure.

"Shut up. You have two, I only have one, even if he is…"

"The devil?" Yune volunteered.

"Sure. Here, this is where it is, isn't it?"

"I guess." Yune grabs Yuki's arm before she opens the door. "Don't let him get to you, okay?"

Yuki blinks at her sister. "What?"

"Don't let any of this get to you. I'm happy to be here, even if we are dressed up in ridiculous tuxes about to flirt with girls who think we're guys because you broke a super expensive vase and we're indebted to psychos. You did all this for me, even getting me a scholarship despite my crappy grades. Thank you."

Yuki is silent for a moment. "Did you actually just say something moderately nice?"

"Yeah, don't get used to it. Let's go kick some ass!"

* * *

Megan doesn't really like dresses very much. Sure, they're great to wear sometimes, but she'd have been more comfortable in some blue jeans and a cute t-shirt. But why not humor Katy? Besides, it's the first time meeting the other girls—and the Host Club. Might as well dress to impress, right?

"Good evening, ladies," a beautiful boy with blond hair and a fair complexion says, bowing and kissing Lilly's hand. "It's such a pleasure to have such stunning girls join our humble campus. We are honored."

Lily laughs, naturally falling into place as generous guest. She had been to more of these fancy parties than Katy had been to fashion shows (if that's even possible). "No, it's our pleasure. You must be Suou Tamaki, the said 'King' of the Host Club."

"If I am King, then you are Queen in my eyes," he says, and Megan feels like barfing. That's just a little too cheesy, but all of the other girls at the party seem to be eating it up. They even seem to be looking at the three with… what was that? Jealousy?

"I'm going to go get some punch or something," mumbles Megan, heading away from the flirtatious Tamaki. Not her type at all.

She tries to get through the crowd—all of the other girls are in dresses, but none are as fine or expensive as Katy's, making Megan feel oddly superior—when she bumps headfirst into somebody, knocking him down.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." She kneels to help him but he's already bounced back up, a big goofy grin on his face.

"Nope, my fault!" He's got red hair and devilish eyes, looking as if he just set off firecrackers or lit something on fire. "Enjoying the party?"

"Well, I just got here." Megan shrugs. "Seems all right. I'm used to the ones with my parents back in California, and they're _way_ different."

"Wow, all the way from the states." He holds out a hand. "I'm Kaoru. Hitachiin Kaoru. Nice to meet you."

"Umm… do I have to say my name backwards too? Shaft Megan? That sounds so wrong!"

"No, we'll take pity on the poor foreigner," says Kaoru, laughter in his voice. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, making her self-conscious about her complete lack of sleeves. Why did Katy have to pick such a fancy dress? "Come on, Miss Megan, let's show you around!"

When Tamaki moves on, Katy whispers to Lilly, "Well, there's the first Host. Honestly, I'm looking forward to meeting Ootori Kyoya, he's supposed to be a major heart-breaker!"

"Hmm." Lily mumbles some excuse and wanders away, leaving Katy to amuse herself. There are so many girls, but there are also quite a few boys, many of them attractive to some degree.

"Good evening. Enjoying the festivities?" she hears, and whirls to find a slim boy behind her. He's thin, feminine, with curly black hair and big, innocent eyes hidden by reading glasses. Almost looks like a girl, but the tux fits pretty well on him.

"Yes, thank you. Are you new?"

"Oh, yes. My brother and I only… _joined_ today." He stresses joined, making Katy frown. "You haven't been dancing. Two left feet?"

"I dance fine, thank you, I just haven't seen anyone I want to dance with." She doesn't know whether she likes this boy or not—there's something about him that's a little bizarre, the way that he's standing, leaning against the wall in the shadows of the room. And while she feels an odd connection to him… kind of like to her roommates, like they've been good friends for a while (Katy often has feelings about people almost like premonitions, or maybe she's just being creepy, who knew?), but she isn't attracted to him at all.

"You're not a boy!"

Yuki blinks, surprised, before smiling coolly. "Well, that'll come as a surprise to my brother!"

"You aren't, are you? 'Cause if you are I'll feel really dumb."

Yuki looks at the girl—not her appearance, but the shine in her eyes—and sighs. "Yes, you're right. But don't tell anyone. I'd be seriously screwed."

"That's so _cool!_" Katy laughs. "Come on, dance with me and tell me _everything_."

_Yep. I'm totally screwed._

"So… you did this… just to get into Ouran? Was it really that hard as a girl?" Katy asks as the two dance, after Yuki finished explaining almost everything.

"Really. My sister—Yune, that's her real name, by the way—she doesn't exactly have the best grades, but she kicks ass with a kendo stick. Still, we didn't get a complete tuition… apparently, girls here are expected to be smart, not athletic, and they didn't appreciate her talents. So I tried again as boys, under different names, and we got a complete scholarship. Apparently it's better for boys to be tough than girls. I didn't tell her that, of course, she'd murder the Headmaster in his sleep."

Katy laughs. "And where is she?"

"Oh, you'll see her. She's probably off beating up Tamaki or something. Or cursing at small children. Or blowing something up. Yeah, probably that. Or fire, she likes fire too." Yuki smiles. "Well, I should probably go talk to more people. You know, to get more designations. Have to work, you know."

"Of course. I'll get people to designate you!" Katy promises, watching Yuki smile and wander off to another group of girls. She almost regrets coming in as a girl now… pretending to be a boy sounds like so much fun! Like an adventure!

She turns, looking for something else to catch her attention, when she sees a tall boy with dark hair and a completely absent expression, standing behind the crowd like a bodyguard. Morinozuka Takashi.

Katy smiles.

And collapses.

* * *

Mori doesn't like going to parties. Honey likes to go off by himself, which always makes Mori nervous. What if he hurts himself while Mori isn't there to protect him? What if something happens to him? Mori doesn't like dropping his guard, especially about Honey, his self-designated protection charge.

He's scanning the crowd, towering over the girls that gather there. Not only is he a third-year, he's also tall and very muscular from practicing kendo and martial arts almost nonstop. Nothing exciting about this party, really. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, and they don't really talk to him. They'd rather crowd around Tamaki or the twins, and that's great with Mori. He'd rather be in the background anyway.

But when the girl falls he can't help but step forward.

Not really step—more like rush, catching her before she hits the ground, whisking her outside of the crowded room into the empty hallway. She doesn't seem to have any head injuries… maybe she just passed out from the tightness of her dress. He unties the back and lets her breathe, his face hovering over hers.

Katy opens her eyes to Mori's, making her have to fight down a smile.

"Oh… what… happened?" She rubs her eyes.

"You fell," he says simply, not backing up. He looks slightly worried, but mostly assured. She liked that. He knew what to do and knew that he knew it. (_Wait,_ she thought. _Did that make sense?_)

"What happened to my dress?" she asks, feeling the laces where he undid them.

"I untied them to get you more air. I'm sorry; I didn't hurt the dress. Or do anything… improper."

"No, no, it's okay." She blushes, though, the rosy coloration rising to her pale cheeks. "I don't mind."

"Are you okay now?" Mori asks, not commenting on how her ears redden cutely when she's embarrassed. "I didn't see any head injuries. Did you pass out?"

"I don't remember. Did… did you catch me?"

"Yes."

"Thank you," she says, pleased. "You're Mori, aren't you?"

"Yes. Do you remember your name?"

"Katy. Katy Burns. Are you going to ask for my number, too? You know. Just to test my memory."

"Would you like me to?" he asks, simple and direct. She nods and he nods back. "Okay. What's your number?"

She grins and writes it on his hand. "Sure, we'll be in the same classes and all, but now you have it! Maybe you can text me the answers during math exams… Ha, just kidding!"

Mori raises his eyebrows. "You're a funny girl."

"Thank you. Can you do the back of my dress up? I think I'm okay. And you've got to get back to the party, I know…"

"No, I've got time," he says calmly, tying the back of her gown as he had seen it. "Does that feel too tight?"

"It's… perfect." When she turns her face is centimeters from his, making her blush again. They stand still for a moment, statues, frozen, before they both back away, averting their gaze.

"I'll walk you back inside… if that's okay."

She smiles up at him. "That would be fantastic."

Katy took Mori's arm and let him walk her back into the party, staying silent for a moment before asking, "So… do you dance?"

"Only on rare occasions." He smiles and she smiles back.

* * *

"Is Mori smiling?" Tamaki asks Kyoya across the room, eyes saucers on his face. "Is that even possible?"

"Apparently so," Kyoya says, seemingly too distracted by someone else in the crowd of people to observe Mori's behavior.

Yuki is making her rounds, keeping an eye out for Yune. Who knew what kind of trouble that girl could get into? She was practically a magnet for problems.

Her hand is caught and she is spun around, hearing bright, childish laughter.

"Yuki-chan, dance with me!" Honey requests, and she smiles in spite of herself. He's so cute, like a little doll.

"Okay, Honey. I like your tux, you look very mature." She dances with him, seeing girls crowd around them, whispering things like, "Aww, how cute!" and "They look so adorable!"

"Thank you! I like yours too. Kyoya likes to color code by the roles we play in the club. That's what Tamaki's is accented with gold, Mori's is black, the twins are green… I'm pink, see! That's because I'm the loli-shota character!"

"So what does it mean that mine is purple?" she asks him, trying not to laugh at how she has to look down at him. Despite her incredible shortness (that's how Yune describes it, anyway), he barely reaches her chin while he's standing on her feet.

"That Kyoya thinks you and Yosuke are different—did you notice that his is red? He thinks that Yosuke will end up being mean, violent, impulsive, or maybe overly caring and romantic. But purple is a cool color, smart, and regal. You must have impressed him." Honey smiles, cute as a button. "You're his roommate, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Anything about him I should know?"

"Well, Tamaki always says that he's really mean in the morning, but I don't know if they're joking. Oh, and if he's kind of cruel to you, that means he's your friend. Or that's how he treats Tamaki, anyway, and they've known each other since middle school."

Yuki's eyebrows shoot up. "Well, I guess that means we must be in love!"

They both laugh, but Honey wonders inwardly if that might be true. Is Yuki _gay_? Mori probably wouldn't like Honey asking himself that question, but Yuki's pretty enough for it. As a matter of fact, Yuki looks just like that other pretty Yuki from the mall, and Honey gets the feeling that there's more than just a few similarities.

"So, why would you leave wherever you were before? Why did you come here? You're a scholarship, aren't you?"

"Yes, my brother and I are. We came because it sounded like a good choice." Yuki frowns, but tries to hide it from him. "So why did you come?"

"I went to elementary here. Then middle. And now high!" says Honey, and the song changes. "Aww, time to find Mori! But we'll talk again soon, okay, Yuki? And Yune, too!"

"Yeah, soon." Yuki nods and is pulled away by the crowd, leaving Honey to revel in his victory. So that proves it, then. Yuki is a girl. Yosuke is Yune. So Yune is a girl. They're the girls from the mall.

Wait… there are girls in the Host Club?

Wait… Kyoya's and the twins' roommates are girls?

"Oh shit," Honey says, repeating something that he had heard the twins say once. He doesn't know exactly what it means, but it felt oddly appropriate.


	4. Chapter 4: Dissemination

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 4: Dissemination

* * *

"Welcome to the Host Club! Please enjoy yourself. Register your designations with Kyoya and we'll get you seated!" Yune rolls her eyes as Tamaki greets the first wave of girls, sounding painfully cheerful. Apparently, there is a theme for every week—today she's wearing a men's Chinese kimono, sitting behind a fancy oriental screen, waiting for Tamaki to shove some giggling bimbos at her.

Yuki is over near the (real!) koi pond they installed during the night magically, arguing with Kyoya about something. The two just can't seem to stop fighting, especially about things like math and logical reasoning and theology and such. It's been an hour and they've been sparring most of the time. Or Yune thinks it's fighting… she can't tell, they're using words a little too big.

"But what sense would it make to waste so much money on the food, no one even eats it? It takes up twenty percent of our expenditures, that's just ridiculous," Yuki is saying, and Yune groans. _What's an expenditure?_

Hikaru and Kaoru tip Yune's stool so she's facing the ceiling, their goofy faces leaning over her like mirror demons.

"What now?" Even after only one day as their roommate, she's used to their antics.

"We wanted to know if you have any gum," they say.

"Nope, sorry. Maybe those girls sitting and waiting for you will."

"But they're so boring," Hikaru whines. "How come you're so exciting, Yosuke?"

"Because you're gay!" she says without hesitation. "Although, I don't blame you. I'd go gay for me too."

Hikaru laughs, Kaoru rolls his eyes, and the two go back to their seat.

"Yuki?" she hears and looks up. There's a girl there, blonde and very thin. The girls are given gorgeous Chinese fans as souvenirs, and this one fans herself with her own light blue one. "Yuki, is that you?"

"Nope. Yuki's my twin."

"Darn, I had a fifty percent chance of getting it right." The girl smiles and takes a seat. "So you're Yosuke, the kendo twin."

"Umm, I guess?" She doesn't know exactly how to flirt with a girl.

"Yuki said you were more violent than this. You look rather... docile."

"Docile? What the hell does that mean? And who are you, anyway?"

"Katy Burns." She extends a hand and Yune raises an eyebrow. "I met your… ah, _brother_… at the party."

"Oh, yes. Wasn't that such fun. Did you have a good time?" Yune asks, struggling to be polite. How the hell is she supposed to do this! This is impossible! _I'm a fucking girl, I don't wanna do this!_

"Oh please. Don't give me that nice crap." Katy balances her chair on two legs. "Come on, be a bad boy! Be mean! Be cruel! Be mischievous." She leans forward again, saying, "Make me want to designate you tomorrow, too. Make yourself worthy."

Yune smirks. "Bad boy? Take out a kendo stick, I'll show you mean!"

The only warning she gets is a near-silent whizzing sound before the shinai hits her forehead.

Or, it would have—she catches it in the nick of time, whirling it around and pointing the end at Mori, the tosser.

"Is that a challenge?" Of course, she had heard of Morinozuka Takashi long before coming to Ouran High; he is one of the best. Legendary, almost.

He raises his eyebrows and twirls his own stick, making Katy smile and applaud. "Yes, let's have a real kendo fight! Ah, this club is more exciting than I thought!"

"All right. Bring it," Yune yells, jumping up onto the table. While she doesn't look it—short, petite, whatever word you would call her—she's very fit.

Mori strikes a defensive pose and Yune can see girls (and the other Host Club members, for that matter) leaning around the Chinese screens and plants to watch. Yuki looks up from five girls—she seems to be doing all right with flirting, unlike Yune—and rolls her eyes.

"Boys, boys, let's do this in a sensible fashion," she says, standing and getting between them. "Ladies, if you wouldn't mind, let's get some of the vases out of here, hmm? And the screens should probably be folded." Her purple and black kimono moves with her as she gestures around the room. There's a flurry of action as her suggestions are obeyed. Luckily, the floors are easy to slide along, so the girls are able to clear it enough for a good fight. Honey, being the magical little monster he is, has set up a table with three cushions to sit. A judging stand. Kendo, under normal circumstances, is practiced with protection, armor, and a panel of three judges.

"So who are our judges?" Yune asks, leaning against her shinai. "No need for armor, I won't need it. You might want some, though."

Mori doesn't talk back, which unnerves her slightly. He would be practically impossible to aggravate into a mistake. Damn. She'd just have to win off of her talent, then. What a bore.

Yuki takes a judging seat and Honey takes the next. The last is filled by Tamaki, though he clearly knows nothing about kendo. The girls are gathered in a circle, making a ring around the cleared area. All in all, it takes about five minutes.

"Morinozuka Takashi versus Hitsushi Yosuke. Round one." Honey hits a gong and Yune shakes her head.

"Mori, Mori, Mori. Just remember that you were the one that started this. It's not my fault you're about to lose your reputation as the best."

Yuki rolls her eyes at her sister. Always so competitive.

And then she and Mori are off like darts, blocking and using complex maneuvers that Yuki almost doesn't recognize. In some regards, kendo is like fencing: the contestants aim to defeat the other with wooden swords styled after katana, called shinai. Yuki has been to so many of Yune's contests she could practically predict what Yune would do before she did it.

"Touch. Round: Yune." Honey's voice seems to surprise Tamaki (he hadn't seen anything, clearly, because the contestants were moving too fast). After about ten minutes Yune has managed to get Mori's wrist, leaving him—and the crowd—completely stunned.

"Yune," Yuki agrees, and Tamaki nods.

"Judges agree. Round two."

At the sound of the gong they are off again, and if Yune hadn't stepped into the pond, Honey wouldn't have said, "Touch. Round: Takashi."

"Good job," Yune says grudgingly, "but not too good."

"Last time I checked, we were tied."

"Yeah… but I'm not left handed." She flips the shinai and catches it with her better hand, winking at him. "Let's go!"

"Wasn't that in a book?" Kyoya mutters to himself, rubbing his temples.

"Princess Bride," Yuki whispers back without thinking. "Wonderful movie, too."

"Oh, right. Sure."

Instead of going for a clean victory, Yune knocks Mori's weapon out of his hands and backs him into the pond, leaving him defenseless and dripping all in about two seconds. She laughs and twirls her stick as the live koi nibble Mori's fingers. He pulls himself out of the pond and bows to her respectfully.

"Good match."

"You too."

"You are better than I am."

"Yeah, well, I am fabulous," she says, and the Host Club's guests swamp the two of them.

Yuki and Honey exchange glances. "Well, Yosuke beat Mori. You owe me ten bucks." Honey hands Yuki the money as Kyoya takes some from the crowd. All in all, their little match has gained ten thousand yen on bets and a lot of popularity for Yosuke.

"Yosuke, how did you learn to do that?" All of the girls in the club are surrounding Yune, making her feel like killing them. Not that she would do anything like that or anything. But that shinai is looking pretty good right about now…

"I've been studying for years. When my mom died, I needed a way to express myself, and kendo just came to me. It's like breathing for me now."

"That's so cool! You're amazing, Yosuke-kun!"

"Well, I try." She flips her hair and she can practically see the girls swoon. These rich girls are such freaks. "But hey, Host Club's pretty much over. Designate me tomorrow and I'll tell you anything about me you want to know."

Yune winks at the girls—hell, why not?—and heads into the back room, where the rest of the club has already converged. The twins are waiting for her, barraging her with questions before she even makes it through the door. Honey is putting a Hello Kitty band-aid on Mori's wrist where the shinai left a bruise. Yuki is fiddling with a calculator and Kyoya is looking over her shoulder, correcting her periodically, which really pisses her off. Tamaki is still in the other room, making sure that all of their guests leave.

"Well, it's over. Wasn't so bad." She flops down on a couch and kicks her feet up into the air. "Twins, get me a Gatorade, will ya?"

"What? Ga-tor-ade?" they ask, pronouncing each syllable like a different language. "What is a ga-tor-ade?"

"Oh sheesh. You idiots have a lot to learn."

* * *

Tamaki kisses Lilly's hand. "Thank you for designating me today, Miss Lilly. If I were so blessed by your presence every day I would die a happy man."

"Oh, it was my pleasure. Tell Yosuke congratulations on his fantastic win."

Megan groans. Tamaki is so cheesy! It makes her want to gag.

"Senpai, Kyoya needs you," Yuki says, leaning out of the doorway in the back. Katy's face brightens and she waves energetically.

"Yuki! Just the person I needed to see! Can I talk to you? I have this great idea and I was thinking that maybe you could help me with it. Tamaki, can I borrow him? Yes? Thanks, be right back!"

"Yes, Miss Burns?" Yuki asks politely and Katy waves a hand.

"My name is Katy. Any-hoo, I was lying in bed, thinking about your predicament, and then I thought: roses are really really pretty."

"Is this going somewhere?" the dark-haired girl asks, and Katy frowns.

"Yes. So, roses are pretty. Then I remember: the Host Club has a lot of roses! So then I think: the rose festival is soon! And each Host Club member has a certain rose—you know, Tamaki is white, Mori is blue… any-hoo, so for the Rose Festival, I was thinking you could have a kind of dating game sort of thing! You know, kind of like one of those things where they auction the bachelors and stuff…"

Yuki's face is a perfect blank. "So… what does this have to do with roses?"

"It can be rose themed! I'll even help plan it! I want to! Please?"

"I'll talk to Tamaki about it," Yuki mutters, not wanting to admit that it's probably a good idea. Around here, it would bring in a lot of cash.

"Thank you! You're the best!" Katy pulls Yuki into a giant hug and Yuki actually smiles. She hadn't done it often since she came here.

"No, thank you. See you in class tomorrow?"

"Of course." Katy kisses her cheek and darted off down the hallway, dragging her big pink cloud of happiness with her.

"Makin' a move on Katy Burns, huh?" Tamaki asks when Yuki comes back in. "I saw your little kiss outside the doorway. My little daughter is growing up!" Dramatic tears come to his eyes before he corrects himself: "No, wait, did I saw daughter? I meant son. Why would I say daughter?"

Yuki inwardly relaxes. Of all of the Host Club members, there are two that she would never want to find her gender—Tamaki and Kyoya.

* * *

Yuki splashes water on her face, closing her eyes. The Host Club has been so stressful—but kind of fun. It's essentially an exhibition of the female population of Ouran Academy without having to walk among them. And while it isn't a look inside the head of a boy, exactly, it is a glimpse of what boys have to go through. Enriching.

She wanders out into the main room of the dorm—it is a huge dorm, larger than the apartment that she had shared with Yune—and switches on her music. If the surrounding rich bastards don't like her blasting 30 Seconds to Mars and Breaking Benjamin, they never said so. The pounding beat of the songs appeals to her; it's easy to dance to.

Dancing is a second nature to her—Yuki's equivalent of Yune's kendo—and, while she doesn't dance around the room like a lunatic, she always has a little dance in her step. One of the girls had pointed it out today, saying, "Yuki, you look like a dancer. You're always graceful, even when you're just walking."

"Well, actually, I did take for a while. My mom thought that it was important that I learn good posture and work ethic." Yuki had smiled at the girls and they had done their little I'm-A-Rich-Girl twittering.

Now she just flops down onto her bed with no rhythm at all. She is still in that stupid robe, so she groans and sits back up. Why does hers have to be the itchy one? _Because Kyoya picked it and he hates me,_ she thinks.

Yuki unties the kimono, letting it pool around her feet. She throws on a t-shirt and nothing else. Why bother? Kyoya won't be back any time soon—he and Tamaki are planning a party, or something like that. Hopefully he'll be gone for an hour or two.

Yune and Yuki had made plans, since it was the weekend. They are taking a train back in to Tokyo to go shopping and meet up with old friends. Excitement has built all through the day, and now Yuki can hardly wait to throw on some old female clothes and go shopping, like a normal girl. Being a boy sucks.

It will be refreshingly normal to dress as a girl again… as a matter of fact, she is so excited about their plans that she decides to paint her fingernails. Yune likes black and more black for her fingernails; Yuki, however, prefers colors like deep red and sickening green. She selects a February-sky gray and hums along to _Liars and Monsters_, just letting herself relax. They are finally at Ouran! Everything will be okay now.

"What the hell are you doing!"

She looks up over her perfectly colored fingernails to see Kyoya standing in the doorway. His eyes are wide behind his glasses as he takes the scene in: ruffled hair, wet fingernails, a loose t-shirt that barely came down to the bottom of her underwear.

"I can explain," Yuki rushes, standing. The nail polish flies from her lap and pools on the carpeted floor.

"The hell you can!" he exclaims, but it's more of a whisper than a yell. "Are you insane? If you do stupid things like this everyone is going to know you're a girl."

Yuki blinks. "How long have you known?"

"Honestly, only just now. You were doing all right, but it's idiotic things like this that'll get you in trouble!" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his raven-black hair. "Come on, let's clean this up before it stains. And I hope you're aware that I'm expecting the full story."

* * *

Yune ignores the twins' questions until they follow her to the room, almost coming into the bathroom with her, asking things like, "So, do you earn money doing kendo? Is it hard? Do you like it? Did your mom really die? Was Mori a difficult opponent? Do you like it?"

"Yes, no, yes, yes, no, yes. Now go away!" She slams the door in their faces and starts running hot water. The match didn't bother her. It wasn't a fantastic win, but she had been able to judge Mori's abilities for the next one, and gotten a lot of popularity. Close wins are better than extreme ones, apparently. She leans against the bathroom wall and tries to remember the faces in the audience.

Yuki was bored, of course. Honey was amazed. Tamaki had no clue what was going on, Kaoru was slightly frightened, and Hikaru looked… proud, almost. Hmm. And that weird Katy girl was jumping up and down and shouting about "the coolness" or something silly.

Yune peels her shirt off over her head, checking her arms. No pulled muscles.

"Oh my God."

She whirls around. The door hadn't even made a sound as Hikaru opened it.

"Oh fuck."

Grabbing his shirt, Yune yanks him inside and slams the door shut behind them, remembering to lock it this time. The shower is filling the room with steam like a big white blanket, like a cloud… maybe if she hit him hard enough he'd think it was a dream….

"You're that girl from the mall."

"If you tell anyone," she threatens through her teeth, "I'll—"

Hikaru is held up against the wall, looking down at Yosuke—no wait, wasn't her name Yune? He's very, very aware of how close her face is to his, and just how beautiful she is when she's not done up as a boy.

"Well, that explains the attraction. At least I'm not really going gay."

He shrugs, making her laugh a little.

"So you won't tell?"

"Oh, Kaoru already knows." He taps his head with a forefinger. "We're psychically connected, you know."

"Psycho, more like. And, before you ask, yes, Yuki is a girl too. We're identical twins, which would be kinda hard with different genders…"

Hikaru's eyes widen. "So… Kyoya's roommate…"

"Yes, is a girl."

"Not just a girl… but Yuki."

"Yes."

"Aww snap!" he says loudly and Yune has to drop him to laugh. "Wait, what's so funny? I don't get it."

"You sound like a black girl!"

* * *

They clean the mess in silence, giving Kyoya time to just watch her. Now that he's looking, it's clear that Yuki is a girl. The way she moves, walks, talks, breathes, the cute way that she puffs up her lips when she's angry…

Yuki only looks up at him when she's done mopping up the colorless ink from the carpet. He had been helping, but now is kneeling back on the floor, staring at her with a frightening intensity. She scowls up at him, but he doesn't notice, because he closes his eyes and rubs his temples.

"Will you turn Escape the Fate off? I've already got a headache," he says, gesturing blindly to the stereo.

While she turns to pull the CD out, she asks, "You know Escape the Fate?"

"Surprising, no?" Kyoya pretends not to stare at how… well… exposed she was. The shirt she is wearing didn't even begin to cover her legs, but if she cares, she doesn't show it. Instead she is looking at him with some kind of dark sarcasm.

"So what do we do now? Turn me in?" she asks.

Kyoya's eyes widen. "Do you want me to?"

"You don't give a damn about what I want," sneers Yuki, abruptly turning. She grabs a pair of jeans and yanks them on over her legs, seething. Before he can even cover his eyes she tugs her shirt off over her head and moves around him to get another one.

He can practically feel his skin burning.

"What? Never seen a woman before?" Her voice is harsh, cruel, mean. Like his is often. She pulls a black shirt over her white flesh, running a hand through her hair.

_Not quite like that__,_ he wants to say, but catches himself, replying instead, "Naturally I have. It was just unexpected."

"Lame," she says in a sing-song voice, flipping the television on. He clears his throat but she doesn't acknowledge him.

"So…"

"I should never have come here," she says unexpectedly. "It was a bad idea to come, and an especially bad one to bring Yune."

"No it wasn't. You belong here." He smiles and sits down on his bed, kicking his shoes off and leaning back to watch the news. "And you won't be going anywhere, not anytime soon."

Yuki snorts. "But I have to. You'll turn me in and Yune and I will go back."

"Who said anything about turning you in?"

She looks up at him with her shockingly beautiful eyes. "You aren't…?"

"Your secret is safe with me," he promises. "But don't expect me to let you off on your debt to the Host Club. You'll still be expected to participate."

"Even if I flash you again?" Kyoya is about to respond flippantly before he realizes that she's got a mischievous light to her face. _She's messing with me,_ he realizes.

"I will admit that you're very good at power play. Unfortunately, however lovely you may be, I don't forget what I'm owed."

She laughs, rubbing her eyes. She looks tired all of a sudden, like she's going to pass out. Like she's gotten ten years older in the last fifteen seconds. "Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

Hikaru steps out of the bathroom with Yune behind him.

"Kaoru!"

"Huh?" He is lying on his bed, trying to text with his feet.

"One, you're an idiot," Yune says.

"Two, Yosuke's a girl! Named Yune!"

Kaoru surprises them both by shrugging and saying, "I know."

"You know?"

"Yeah. Yuki told Katy who told me. But shh, it's totally a secret." Kaoru snorts and Hikaru smacks him.

"But you didn't tell me!"

"Nah. I thought it would be funnier to see you discover it yourself."

"You're so mean, Kao-chan…"

"You're so gullible, Hika-chan…"

"You're both such idiots, idiots."

"Hey, that's no fair!"

"All's fair in love and war!"

"So are you at war or in love?" Hikaru and Kaoru ask in unison, with the same devious expressions on their faces.

Yune raises an eyebrow.

And throws her Gatorade in their faces.

"Hey, that's so not cool!" they cry, bumping into each other in a blind attempt to reach the bathroom sink. "Not cool, Yune-san! Not cool!"

"Oh, go lick Tamaki's ass," she tells them, flopping onto her bed and flicking the television on. This is going to be a great year.


	5. Chapter 5: Amalgamation

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 5: Amalgamation

* * *

Classes at Ouran have changed this year, much to Mori's dismay. Last year, his schedule had coordinated perfectly with Honey's, but there are no promises for this semester. They have mixed years, going by talent instead of age. So, by some bizarre and probably apocalyptic turn of events, he finds himself sharing an English class with Tamaki, Kyoya, Hikaru, Kaoru, Lilly, Megan, Katy, Yuki, Yosuke, and Honey.

_Damn_.

"Takashi! Come sit by me!" Honey yells, waving like crazy despite the fact that he's only a few desks away. "Takashi!"

He takes the desk next to Honey's without a word. Yosuke and Yuki are sitting on top of a pair of desks talking in hushed voices, Tamaki is flirting endlessly with Lilly, and Megan looks like she wants to puke from all the cheesy pick-up lines. Either that or just slap him.

"Good morning Mori!" Katy's energy bubble floats into the room after her. "How'd ya sleep?"

"Very well, thank you. And you?" he asks politely and she hits his shoulder. It doesn't hurt at all.

"Don't act like you've never met me before! We're like bffs, remember?" She giggles and slides into the seat next to him and he has to laugh too.

"Okay. Bffs." _Whatever that means…_ Honey waves at Katy.

"Good morning! You're pretty! Are you and Mori dating?" he asks loudly and everyone turns to look. Katy blushes and stutters, so Mori answers.

"No, we only just met," he says quietly, and everyone minds their own business. Katy smiles at him while Honey frowns.

"But _will_ you be dating?" he asks Mori, and the bigger boy shrugs.

"Maybe."

"So, umm, Yuki," Yune begins. She had come to class early—or even at all, really—to talk to her twin, and isn't surprised that she had been sitting by the windows reading even before the teacher came in.

"Umm umm umm. Don't say umm." Yuki smiles over her book (some history of architecture in German or some shit) and Yune has to smile back. They are like that: they both light up whenever they are around each other. Unlike the twins, they have a completely healthy relationship, instead of a co-dependent one like the Hitachiin brothers seem to have.

"Okay, whatever. I have something important to say."

She sets her book down. "So do I."

"Oh, well then, you first."

"No, you."

"No, I insist."

"Good morning, darling," Kyoya says, setting a black rose on Yuki's desk and kissing her cheek. "Excited for the first day?"

"I'm sorry, are you completely demented?" Yune wants to know, stepping between him and her sister. "What the hell do you think you're doing, kissing my _brother?"_

"It's all right, Yune. He's aware." Yuki looks up at Kyoya morosely. "I thought you were going to keep a secret, hmm?"

"Oops, sorry." He smiles and holds out a hand to Yune. "Ootori Kyoya. I'm sorry for alarming you."

"Fuck you!" She slaps his hand away. "How the hell could you tell this... this bastard!"

"It was an accident. Please calm down, Yune."

"And here I was so worried about telling Hikaru!"

"You told Hikaru? But he's the biggest gossip in the school!"

"And Kyoya will hold it against us and use it as blackmail!"

Hikaru comes in and grabs Yune, spinning her around in giant circles. "Yosuke! Yay! You're in my class!"

She laughs. "Put me down, idiot!"

"Aww, you don't love me anymore?" he asks, pretending to pout.

"You know that I love you, baby," she says, and they both collapse into giggles.

"What, you guys gay or something?" Kaoru asks, eyeing his twin with something between amusement and fear. Kyoya raises his eyebrows and Yuki just winks down at her twin.

"Okay, I think we're even."

"All right. Fair's fair. But at least mine's not gonna like sue us for it or something."

"Kyoya can't sue us, that's not legally possible. Have no fear, we stayed up all night talking about it."

"Ooh, an all-nighter, hmm? Anything you need to tell us, Kyoya? Finally come out of the closet, eh?" Tamaki loops an arm around the shadow king's shoulders.

"No, I'm sorry Tamaki, you still have no chance," Kyoya deadpans, making everyone crack up. They're all gathered around in the middle of the room when the teacher enters, yelling at them to take their seats, the lesson is beginning. Yune returns to her seat next to Yuki, glaring at Kyoya when he takes the desk on the other side of her twin and smiling when Hikaru takes the one to her right. Stupid Kyoya.

"If you keep giving him the evil eye I'm going to shove this pencil—oh, yes sir, it was in 1492," Yuki says quickly, snapping back to the lesson.

"Why are we learning about America?" Hikaru asks, and Yune frowns.

"Oh, is that what we're learning? I thought this was math."

* * *

"Up next—English!"

Tamaki has his normal exuberance as he bounds from one class to the next. Lilly trails behind, a little scared of his over-cheeriness.

"Umm, Tamaki, do you do drugs or something?" she asks slowly, not really wanting to offend the "king" on campus.

"Nope!" He grins widely and opens the door extravagantly. "After you, my lady."

"Ah, thank you," says Lilly. Katy insisted that, instead of wearing the normal uniform—really, how ugly can you get?—they would wear the stupid dress but add a little flair. She had somehow, overnight, sewn flowery lace up the front and under the hem of the dress, fixed the neckline, and make it look kinda sorta cute. And kinda sorta is a hell of a lot better than what it _used_ to be.

She enters the room and is practically attacked by girls. No, not her; Tamaki. He laughs and flirts with them, totally at ease. It must happen every day. Lilly just snorts and finds a seat.

Hikaru and Yune enter, arms around each others' waists. "Good morning, ladies!" they yell, laughing and waving like idiots.

"I think they're drunk," Megan mutters, sliding in next to Lilly. Lilly nods as Katy replies:

"No, I just think that Hikaru found out that Yosuke's actually a girl and now doesn't feel awkward about pretending to be gay, because he's actually with a girl. But at the same time, it's funny to everyone else, because they all think that Yune's Yosuke."

"Whaaaat? Yosuke's a girl?" Lilly practically yells, and Katy grabs her mouth melodramatically.

"Shush! I thought I told you that already!"

"Honestly, I had my suspicions," Megan admits.

"Huh? How'd you know?" She feels kind of left out for being the last one to notice, but to her credit, Lilly has hardly even talked to the new twins.

"Oh, there were tons of cross-dressers back in Cali. And besides, how can you come to a psycho rich school in Japan without there being some kind of secret?"

* * *

"I'm bored!" Yune complains, and Yuki kicks her under the table. She glares and kicks back harder, but Yuki's gone through this enough to know to move out of the way. She hits Hikaru instead, who thinks it's Kaoru, and the two get into a war under the benches in math class.

"Stop it!" Tamaki says, "That is behavior unbecoming of Host Club members!"

They stick their tongues out at him simultaneously and both turn away, Kaoru to talk to Megan about notes and Hikaru to put a kick me sign on Mori's back. (Which results in a very painful headlock.)

The teacher yells, "Students! Shut up!"

"You know, in America, I could sue you for abuse," Megan tells the teacher sweetly before correcting the equation on the board. "So _m_ should equal the square root of forty-one, not fifteen point six repeating, because otherwise you'd end up with…"

Unfortunately, the teacher is so dazed by Megan's dazzling intellect (which happens to be the answer straight from the book open on her lap) that she can't continue the lesson and the students are released early to go to science.

"Now, just a warning, Dr. Rocket is crazy. He changed his last name to Rocket. That should say enough."

"I'm sorry, did my sister give you permission to play gay-ass tour guide? 'Cause it's really pissing me off," says Yune to Kyoya, who ignores her. Yuki just looks up at him, not hearing either of them through the iPod headphones snuck up her boys' school blazer. Instead she hears Green Day with _21 Guns_, seeing both of them argue and eventually Yune storm off to find a seat at the back of the class (or maybe she's just ditching completely, who knows?).

She turns the music off when a short, crazy-haired man with thick glasses bursts into the room juggling a bunch of empty vials, looking every bit the insane scientist.

"I am Dr. Rocket," he says loudly through a white mustache, "and we are doing blood typing today!"

"Sweet!" Yune yells from the back of the class, making everyone jump. Then they begin to talk, the classroom bursting with activity.

"Ah, cool!" Yuki says. Kyoya nods.

"Damn," Hikaru and Kaoru say, "this again?"

Mori's phone goes off and he receives a text message from Katy—_What's blood typing? Does it have to do with blood? I don't like blood! What the hell is he getting those needles out for!_

Megan nods. "Yep. Knew this was coming."

"But I already know what blood type I am," Honey complains to Tamaki, who nods sympathetically.

"We all do, Honey. We've done this the first Monday of every month for the last four years."

Lilly doesn't say a thing, just watches Dr. Rocket take out a needle, take Yuki's volunteered hand, and pull out a single drop of blood.

Then she faints.

* * *

"She's waking up!"

"Well stop crowding her, Tamaki, and we'd all be able to see that."

_Is that Megan talking?_

Katy's voice says, "Megan, don't be mean to Tamaki."

"Shut up, guys." She can see one of the new twins—the ones that are girls now—leaning over her, face swimming into her vision. "Can you hear me?"

"Duh," Lilly whispers, smiling. "Of course I can. I can see you, too."

"Ah, good. Do you know who you are?" Kyoya asks. She can see everyone now—literally everyone. There's Tamaki, Kyoya, Mori, Honey, Hikaru, Kaoru, Yuki, Yosuke (_wait, are those really their names?_ she wonders), Megan, and Katy, all squeezed into a tiny nurse's office.

"Lilly Whiteford, why? Did you lose my record or something?"

"You hit your head pretty hard when you fell. Luckily, Tamaki caught you before you suffered from any serious damage," the twin informs her—it must be Yuki, the other one doesn't have reading glasses—and Lilly frowns.

"You really are a girl," whispers the girl on the cot, and Yuki steps back.

"What!" Tamaki yells at the top of his lungs. "Yuki is a girl?"

You can practically see the sweat drop on everyone else's foreheads.

"Dumbass," Yune mutters.

"I'm not a dumbass!" he screams childishly. Then he freezes, his face contorting into an expression of deep thought. "Wait… if Yuki is a girl… then so are you!"

"Dumbass!" Yune yells again, and Tamaki returns to his emo corner.

"What the hell is he doing in that corner?" Megan wants to know, but her question is ignored as the other people defrost from Tamaki's chilly stares.

"Wait… Kyoya knows?" Honey asks.

Kyoya smiles. "I want to know how Hikaru and Kaoru know."

"I told 'em," Yune says, "but how does the chick on the bed know?"

"I told Lilly and Megan," Katy volunteers.

"And I told her," Yuki admits.

"But then… who told Mori?" the twins ask, pointing to the silent figure.

They all look at him until he mumbles in his deep voice, "Yuki's wearing nail polish."

"Oh, that's a pretty color!" Katy shouts, hurting everyone's ears.

"Be quiet, all of you!" Yuki slams the door shut and everyone turns to look at her. She's the shortest in the room (except for Yune, who's the same height, duh) but she still manages to maintain their attention.

"No one outside of this room can know. Is that understood?"

The twins salute, Kyoya and Mori nod somberly, the girls all say, "Of course!", Honey yells his agreement, and Tamaki returns to his extremely chipper self.

"We shall defend my daughters' (Yune yells "We're not your daughters!") secret with all of our power! We are now… the Hitsushi-Brothers-Are-Not-Girls Defense Squadron! ("That's not really our last name," Yuki mutters.) Kyoya! Secure superhero capes for the entire squad!"

At the mental picture of all of them in capes, not only is Kyoya scarred for life, but also has the sense to refuse this request.

"Don't form a squadron, dumbass! Just keep your damn mouth shut!" Yune yells, and Megan rubs her temples.

"Y'all are so loud," she murmurs and Kaoru looks up.

"Did you just say y'all? You're a _hick_!" he and his brother yell. Megan slaps them both.

"I lived in Texas for four years! And you say hick like it's a bad thing!"

"But we're in _Japan_. Is there even a word for y'all?" they ask, expressions mirror images of confusion. She slaps them both again and their heads hit together, making a satisfying _thunk_.

"You know what would be cool though?" Katy says, master plan formulating in her head. "If we really were a club."

"What do you mean?" Tamaki asks. Katy's statement has caught everyone's attention and they all quiet down to listen as she continues.

"Well, everyone in the Host Club knows now. That leaves us three. And say that you let girls in the Host Club… well, not only would you have input on the reactions of girls to gauge which activities you should do, it'll bring in more boys! That can up the earnings! Not to mention you won't have to pay people to serve food—we can do it! It's a win-win situation, and we can also hang out _and_ protect their secret."

"It's not half-bad," Kyoya and Yuki say at the same time, making Yune scowl.

"I wanna do it!" Lilly says loudly, almost at Tamaki's energy level.

"I say yes," Kaoru says, glancing at Megan when no one is watching. Hikaru repeats this, and then Honey agrees, then Mori, and finally Tamaki.

"Yay! I'm in the Host Club!" Katy dances around in a circle, laughing.

"Hold on… does this include me?" Megan asks, and at everyone's nod, she screams (topping the decibel level of the day, even making the nurse come in to see what was wrong) "DAMN YOU!"


	6. Chapter 6: Foundation

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 6: Foundation

* * *

"Another event sounds good to me," Kyoya agrees, "but I'm not sure that we should go with the Cotillion ball idea. We've done that a few too many times. Perhaps we could have them pool money to decide who in the Host Club goes on a date with whom? Like votes. A hundred dollars to whichever pair you would like to see go on a date. Of course, we'll have to include the new members as well. But it would be best to have someone sit out to count the votes 'fairly,' and if we're having one out, we might as well have two to make the numbers come out right. I say it should be Yuki and myself. What say you, dearest?"

"Since when is she your frickin' dearest?" Yune yells at him from Yuki's bed, wet fingernails tapping against an old motorcycle magazine.

Kyoya turns to Yuki, who's lounging on his bed, staring at the ceiling. "Does she have to be here?"

"If the rest of the club is here, then yes, Yune has to be here too."

"I have a question!" Tamaki exclaims, waving his hand like a little kid. "How come Yuki gets to sit on your bed? You never let anyone on your bed!"

"Err…" Kyoya racks his brain for an excuse, but Yuki covers.

"Oh, Tamaki, Tamaki, Tamaki. We all know you're just jealous that it's not _you_ under Kyoya's sheets, hmm?"

Tamaki turns scarlet as everyone laughs. Kyoya half-smiles at his roommate as Tamaki cries, "Mommy! Yuki-chan hurt my feelings!"

"Oh, get over it. And don't call Kyoya 'Mommy' if it clearly annoys him," Lilly says, pulling him back down onto his chair. "Sit down, silly boy."

"Mommy! Now Lilly's being mean too!"

The twins tower over Lilly, eyes gleaming. "Do we need to kill her, my lord?" they ask in unison. Lilly stares at them for a moment before stomping on Hikaru's foot and running away. They chase her for a few minutes before Megan sticks out a single leg and sends both Kaoru and Hikaru to the floor.

"Meanie!" they scream at her and she smacks them both. They hold out their arms and get into a three-way sissy fight, accompanied with much laughter and the occasional curse word.

"So I guess everyone else is okay with the idea, then," Kyoya says. Yuki nods and throws a pillow at the three.

"Now all of you, get out of our room! Scoot, demons! Begone!"

* * *

So that's how, the next day, they end up split into pairs, completely at the whim of Ouran Academy's female population.

"Hmm… well, the girls say that they want to see Yosuke—Yune, excuse me—and Hikaru go on a date, but since you both have the appearance of guys…"

Hikaru and Yune exchange a glance before wrapping their arms around each other's waists. "But we're gay, can't you see?"

Kyoya doesn't even blink. "Well, if you're okay with it, I suppose that it will do. Mori, you have Katy." Katy grins and grabs his arm.

"Let's do something fun, kay?" He nods silently and she grins.

"Tamaki, you and Lilly, for some reason."

Lilly looks at Tamaki and he looks back. They shrug and turn their gaze back to Kyoya, who's standing next to Yuki in the empty music room.

"Which leaves Megan for me, right? The silly little foreigner?" Kaoru leans in towards Megan on the couch, waggling his eyebrows up and down. She sticks her tongue out at him childishly and Yuki coughs, catching their attention again.

"Kyoya and I won't be participating. Honey's still taking a nap, and we didn't really think it would be best to wake him, so he's not in this either. Tomorrow during classes, the boy of each pair must ask the girl out in a public place. Try to make it cute, humorous, or romantic; something that girls will eat up. That's just about it, isn't it?"

"Yes, I believe that's all," says Kyoya. "Yuki, how much money did we earn?"

"Approximately six hundred thousand yen, but I've only calculated a bit of it. There should be more."

"That's quite a bit of moolahs," Yune says and everyone looks at her. "What? It's not that weird to make up words. Kyoya and Yuki do it all the time. 'The radius of a quadrangle is adjacent to the denominator of the'—"

"Those are all real words, Yune. Just big ones." Yuki takes her sister's arm. "Good night, y'all. See ya in the morning!"

* * *

"So… where do you want to go?" Mori asks Katy the next morning. She thinks about it a minute.

"An amusement park!" she yells finally.

"Hmm. Katy, will you go to the amusement park with me?" he asks loudly (for Mori, anyway) so that the girls in the classroom can hear. Katy beams.

"Of course, Mori!"

* * *

There are flowers on Lilly's desk when she gets to science.

"_Dearest Lilly_," she reads aloud. There are girls crowded around her to look at the card written in elegant script. "_These flowers are nothing compared to what I feel for you. Will you join me at _Le Lis Blanc_ this evening? Awaiting your reply, Tamaki_."

"That's so sweet!" the girls exclaim, overdramatic as always.

"Yeah… I guess it is…?" Lilly says before leaving them to fawn over "the romanticness."

* * *

"Hitsushi Yosuke! Come paintballing with me! We can be manly men!" Hikaru yells in the middle of the hallway, striking a heroic pose. Yune laughs.

"I'm gonna win!"

"Not a chance!"

* * *

"So… I guess that leaves us, huh?" Kaoru says after class. They're outside in the courtyard, leaning against a wall. There are clusters of people around, but he only looks at her. She doesn't seem to notice, instead tucking her hair behind her ear and glancing away.

"Yeah… I guess."

"Well… I have tickets to a musical. I'm not sure if you're really into that kind of thing though…" he says awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.

"What musical?"

"Wicked."

"Oh. My. God. I love that musical!" she yells. "When can we go?"

"They're for tonight." Kaoru smiles at her. "They're backstage passes, if that makes any difference."

Megan throws her arm around his neck. "Backstage passes! I love you!"

Kaoru blushes and hugs her back.

So that is how, by some bizarre turn of events, the entire Host Club ends up on dates.

* * *

Hikaru helps Yune gear up, handing her a gun somberly. They have rented the paintball arena for the entire day, even hiring 'professionals' (aka the limo driver and some of Kyoya's police goonies) to stand as targets. "Are you prepared, Miaku Yune?"

"I am prepared, Hitachiin Hikaru."

"Then let's begin."

"Let's."

Three hours later they're rolling on the floor laughing, occasionally stopping to blast each other again. Yune is much better than Hikaru, clearly, but he had actually managed to hit her a few times (all of about twice).

"That's no fair! You're Miss Kendo Champion!"

"I'm first in China in judo and karate," she adds, and he glares at her.

"No faaaair!"

"Life's not fair!"

"Yeah, well… well… well… uh… oh look, it's a limited edition Gir shirt!"

"Really? Where!" She spins around to look and he shoots the back of her head.

He smiles as she turns and glares at him. "You. Are. Dead!"

* * *

Mori has a little trouble leaving Honey behind. What if he gets hurt? What if more tea is spilled on Usa-chan? Kyoya and Yuki don't know how to handle that kind of disaster. How can Honey survive without him?

But Katy, somehow, using her magical bubble of hyper energy, pulls him away from his anxiety.

"Oh my gosh! Look at that! I wanna ride it!"

"Don't drink your slushie so fast, you're going to throw up," he warns, and she smiles up at him. She shines in the afternoon sunlight, white designer shirt, gold hair brushed straight and left down around her shoulders. Mori has to admit she looks good. Very good.

"Ooh, let's ride the roller coaster!" she yells, taking his hand and pulling him along. In the next hour, they ride just about every ride, and he finally convinces Katy to calm down and take a small rest. She's like Honey—young, excited, and cute. Very cute.

He brings her ice cream and she beams again. "Thank you! Do you want some? I'll share!"

"You have ice cream on your nose."

"Aww, I do?"

"Yeah… here." He wipes it off and she smiles up at him.

"Thanks." They stare at each other for a moment before she leans back in her chair. "Awkward turtle!"

Mori cracks a smile. "You're a funny girl."

"Yay! My goal in life has been accomplished!"

"Come on. Do you want to go play some of those silly carnival games?"

"Boy, do I ever!"

* * *

"That was amazing!" Megan yells. Kaoru smiles at her, wondering if his ears are going to blow out between Hikaru, Yune and Megan.

"Not as amazing as you singing along!"

"Oh no! I was?" she asks, burying her head in her hands. "Oh, I'm going to die… how embarrassing!"

"Nu uh! You were so good!" Kaoru exclaims, pulling her hands away. "I think you should be up onstage, not that Idina Menzel lady. Oh, speaking of…"

"Are you Megan Shaft and Kaoru Hitachiin?"

"Oh my God! You're Idina Menzel!" Megan says dumbly. Idina smiles.

"I'm glad that I'm not the only one that thinks so! It's great to meet you. Are you two on a date?"

"What? Uh… umm… no!"

"No, no way. No, we're not on a date. No way."

Megan and Kaoru take a self-conscious step away from each other and Idina Menzel laughs.

"Well, if you say so. Lovely meeting you! Thanks for coming to the show!"

She walks away and the two stand there awkwardly.

"So… uh…"

"Yeah… well. I'll call the limo. It's pretty late."

"Yeah. Uh huh."

Megan blinks. _What the hell was that?_

* * *

"Kyoya, I've lost my glasses!" Yuki yells. The two are sitting outside near the school maze, reading and resting, but now his roommate is running her hands over the ground blindly. "Can you help me?"

"Here." He hands her her glasses and she slides them over her nose.

"So how much do I owe you now? Another million?" she asks sarcastically, observing him from her seat on the ground.

"No. But letting me borrow your Wuthering Heights in German would be nice." He extends a hand. "Walk with me?"

"Do I have a choice?" She stands on her own, but places her book in his hand. "Here. I've read it twice anyway."

The two walk silently through the maze, which gives Kyoya more time to look at her. She's dressed as a girl again today, with a small black pleated skirt and a light blue button-up blouse. Her black hair is brushed and in her ears are simple silver hoops.

"What are you staring at?"

"You look nice today."

"Umm… thanks?"

"I like it. When you dress like a girl, I mean. It just kind of bothers me to see you in a boy's blazer. It's wrong."

"Well, I'm sorry that I offend you when I wear boy's clothing."

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that. I meant that it's wrong that the school would leave you no choice but to do that. Your misfortunes bother me."

She stops and faces him. "I really can't figure you out, Ootori Kyoya."

"Then that makes it mutual." Smiling with half of his mouth, Kyoya gestures to a bench. "Sit?"

"Is that an order, Sir?" But she smiles back from behind her glasses. "What do you want to talk about?"

Kyoya just looks at her. "Where did you learn German?"

"My public school. I visited Texas for a while, too, so I speak Spanish and English fairly well." She shrugs her thin shoulders. "Where did you learn?"

"My father has many hospitals in Germany."

"Oh. Right. I keep forgetting I go to school with a bunch of rich bastards." Her voice is joking, though, so he laughs with her.

"I'll take that as a compliment, I suppose. How do you like Ouran?"

She stands up, wandering over a bridge. It travels over a small stream. _How they hell did they get a stream to go through a maze? How'd they get a maze here anyway?_

"Why?"

"Well, you gave up everything to come here. Was it worth it?"

She thinks about it, leaning against the handrail of the bridge. "Yeah. Yune's happy."

"Are _you_ happy?"

She's painfully aware of the fact that he's standing right behind her, the fact that there's a cherry blossom tree right above them. Once she had read that they are used often in anime to symbolize love or romance. She doesn't know if this is the case, but it is enough to make her aware of him putting an arm around her to lean over the edge at the little fish. Aware of how he smells, how he feels, how _she_ feels.

"Yes. I'm… happy."

Kyoya smiles. "Well then, it must have been worth it."

"Yeah. It was worth it." He's standing inches away from her, and she could reach out and touch his face if she wanted. She could do anything if she wanted. Kiss him, even, if she wanted. Not that she wants that. At all.

"It _is_ worth it," she repeats absently, staring into his eyes. They're surprisingly caring; at first she had taken them to be hard and black, but they're deeper, softer, sadder. Beautiful. "It's worth it." _He's so close… too close… back away, back away, don't get into this… _But she leans in despite herself, closing her eyes…

There's a screeching sound and a splash and Yuki's in the water on top of Kyoya, soaking wet. A cat sits on the rail hissing at them as Kyoya laughs.

"What the hell was that?"

"I think we were just taken down by a cat, Ootori Kyoya."

"I believe so, Miaku Yuki."

"This is a sad day."

"Sad indeed."

"We should go clean ourselves up. You're dripping wet."

"So are you!"

"Well that's your fault!"

"No, it's yours, we'd both be out of here if you weren't on top of me!"

"Oh, sorry!" She jumps up, blushing like crazy. "I'm so so so sorry!"

"Your face is pink," observes Kyoya, pulling a cherry blossom out of her hair. "It's cute."

She looks up at him. "I just can't figure you out, Ootori Kyoya."

"Then that makes it mutual."

* * *

"Good evening," Tamaki says formally. "You look stunning."

Katy agreed—she had spent hours thinking about what Lilly should wear on her fancy dinner date with Suou Tamaki. "_Le Lis Blanc_! The fanciest of all fanciness ever!" Katy had doted on Lily's hair, an elegant twist at the back of her neck, clothing, a silver evening gown (Katy had said it was in the style of the late thirties or early forties) with gorgeous neckline and a scooped back, and accessories, a slim diamond necklace and simple studs.

Lilly thinks it's all hilarious.

"Why thank you! Same goes for you. We're even matching, how perfect." He slips a lily behind her ear. "Shall we eat, Princess?"

"Sure." They take their seats and the waiter speaks French—Tamaki surprises her by speaking back. Fluently. She can only follow a little, enough to know that he's ordering some kind of meat.

"Well, this is all very romantic. _Le Lis Blanc_—The White Lily. The lily in my hair, the matching clothes… the girls at school are going to love it."

"But do you?" he asks, leaning forward.

"Hmm. Well, I'm more of a simple girl myself. Honestly, what Mori and Katy are doing sounds fun! Amusement parks are great. But I always throw up."

Tamaki smiles. "Well, I guess it's best we're doing this anyway. Someone had to go on a conventional date. Sorry you had to get stuck with this one."

"Hey, it's no skin off my nose! I'm just happy to be here." She grins and he has to return the gesture. She's so… real. Honest. It makes him feel very… fake.

"So tell me about your parents. Family. About England."

She goes into a happy spiel about her family and he just looks at her. What is it? She's pretty. She's rich. She's part of the Host Club. But… he's attracted to her in a different way. For who she _is_.

"Let's get out of here," Tamaki interrupts her, standing abruptly. Lilly's eyebrows shoot up before a smile slowly grows on her face.

"Yeah… let's go on a real date."

They leave _Le Lis Blanc_ and Tamaki prepares to call the limo, but Lilly catches his hand. "No. Let's… ride a taxi, hmm?"

"A… taxi? What?"

He watches her—elegant, gorgeous, refined—step out into the street and whistle at an earsplitting volume. A taxi screeches up in seconds.

"Get in, Tamaki-senpai! We're off on an adventure!"

* * *

Hikaru and Yune clean off, talking all the while. Past pranks, chemical bombs, annoying identical twins, how much they hate their teachers, cool action movies…

"No, I still say that Fast and Furious is the best. I went to see that with a girlfriend, and _man_, it was, like, the most amazing thing! Vin Diesel is so frickin' _hot_!"

"But not as hot as me, right?" Hikaru asks jokingly, but there's a real question behind his words. She nods at him.

"All right. Not as hot as you. Now hand me my bag, I'm gonna set off a bug bomb in the school office."

* * *

Mori holds the car door open for her, letting her slide out, giant teddy bear under one arm. It's twice as large as she is, so he takes it from Katy and lets her hold his hand instead. He has to admit that even he had fun.

"I… here's your purse," he says quietly. They're standing in front of her dorm door, Mori standing perfectly still, Katy shifting from foot to foot.

"Thanks. And… Mori?" She pauses, searching his face. "I really had fun today. Thank you."

"I did too." He hands her the stuffed bear that he had won and leans down, kissing her cheek gently before whispering, "Good night, Katy."

She smiles as she walks into the bathroom, pulling her earrings out and running a hand through her hair. "Well, we've done good today, hmm? What do you think, Mr. Bear?" She pauses, as if really listening to what the stuffed animal has to say. "Yeah, I agree. Mori _is_ amazing."

Mori opens the door and Honey pounces, yelling, "Takashi! Tell me everything!"

"Well," he begins, "Katy is amazing…"

* * *

Megan looks at Kaoru. Kaoru looks back.

She clears her throat. "Well. Thanks. I mean, it was really fun. Like, I'm so glad I went. It was amazing. Thanks. Really. I mean… yeah."

Kaoru blushes again. "Thank you for coming."

"Yeah."

"Mm hmm."

"Well… good night?" she says tentatively, not sure what she's supposed to do. Kaoru smiles sheepishly at her.

"Yeah. Sweet dreams."

He holds out a hand awkwardly and she shakes it before they back away into their separate rooms.

_My God. A handshake? What the hell was that about?_ Megan wonders, leaning against the wall. _Damn…_

* * *

"This is so good!" Lilly exclaims, taking another bite of her hamburger. Tamaki laughs and wipes some grease off of her chin.

"I know! Who'd have thought commoner food would have this much flavor? I mean, the ugly décor is totally deceptive. And the name? Wha-ta-bur-ger? What does that mean?"

"Whataburger. You know… like… what a burger? All squashed together?"

He puts his fist into his palm in the classic 'I get it now!' gesture. "I understand!"

She giggles. "You have a fry in your hair."

"Oh, I do? Dang. Where?"

"Here, let me help…"

The commoners are giving them funny stares—two teenagers in a Whataburger in evening wear fretting about a fry stuck in his hair—but they don't care at all. They're too busy laughing.

An hour later they're getting out of a taxi, still chuckling about those kiddie toys. They had been kicked out of the restaurant for annoying other customers, but they didn't care. They were having too much fun.

"This has been great, Tamaki," Lilly says, hugging him around the neck. "That's what a real date feels like. Now imagine what that would be like with a girl you like, hmm? She's gonna be a lucky girl. I almost envy whoever you finally settle down with. Thanks for the great time, Tamaki!"

And she's gone before he can tell her that he wants to spend the next date—and every date after—with only her.

* * *

Kyoya walks with Yuki up to the room. They had played chess in the middle of the maze, soaking wet from the river, and to his surprise, Yuki had won—not that it was an easy battle. They are still talking about it, but they pause outside of the room, the talk dying down slowly. She shifts her weight to one foot, hands clasped behind her back.

"So."

"So."

"_Great_."

"What?" he asks. Yuki frowns.

"We're the ones that _didn't_ go on a date and we _still_ have this damn doorstep moment."

Kyoya blows hair out of his eyes. "It can't be avoided, I suppose."

"Yeah."

"Uh huh."

"Yup."

They stand in silence for a moment. Kyoya breaks it. "What do you suppose we do to end this doorstep moment?"

"Well, there are two things. We can stand here awkwardly until one of us says goodnight…"

"Oh, that's a hard solution. And awkward. What's the other one?"

"Well… we could kiss?" She looks so innocent as she says it, like a little girl. A beautiful, charming, intelligent, perfect little girl.

"That sounds like the best option," agrees Kyoya. "No awkward standing."

She means to say, "Well then, I suppose that we should try it," but Yuki's struck again by his eyes as he gets closer. _Don't let him get closer, back away, back out, before it's too late…_ She shoves the voice away and stands on her tiptoes on kiss him back.

"Oh my God," he says, pulling back. Her face is flushed and he supposes that his is too—but—but—but _God_. That's about all there is to say.

She doesn't reply, just reaches up to kiss him again.

* * *

"I kicked her ass!" Hikaru yells to Kaoru, who winces. His head is still pretty tender from all of the loud music from Wicked… _good_ loud music, but loud nonetheless.

"For some reason I doubt that," Kaoru says, and Yune snickers.

"Because you're smarter than your deluded ass of a brother!"

"Notice how she calls me an ass, that's because she just can't get enough of it—"

"I remember you mentioning my ass, hmm?"

"Both of your asses can mind their own business and go to sleep!" Kaoru says, pulling a pillow over his face. "Turn the damn lights off!"

"Fine, Miss Prissy-pants," Yune and Hikaru mutter in unison, flicking the lights off. "'Night, Yune."

"'Night, Hikaru."

"Good night both of you! Now go to _sleep!_"

* * *

"So you and Mori, huh? Didn't expect that. You know, you're like polar opposites and all." Megan is lying on her bed, brushing her hair softly, absently.

"Yeah, well… he's great…" Katy's still in dreamy post-date mode, so Lilly asks, "How'd you meet?"

"Oh, I pretended to faint so I could flirt with him."

"Wow. You really are a conniving little blond demon, aren't you?" The girls laugh.

"Yup yup! What about you and Kaoru?"

"Oh. Wicked was great. And Idina Menzel! I met her!"

"No way, really?" Lilly yells, but Katy doesn't care at all.

"No, I meant about you and Kaoru. What happened? Give us the dish."

"Well… it was… awkward," explains Megan. Katy clicks her tongue.

"Lily? You and Tamaki?"

"Oh, he's great. We had a lot of fun."

"Well girls, I think today was a worthwhile investment," Katy decides regally, slipping her pajamas on. "Let's see what'll happen tomorrow!"

* * *

Yuki finally stops to take a breath, so Kyoya kisses along her jaw line and up to her ear. "You know that we share a room, right?" he murmurs, making her smile.

"I completely forgot," she breathes, and he kisses her lightly again.

"So did I."

She takes his hand and leads him inside, shutting the door behind them.


	7. Chapter 7: Rupture

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 7: Rupture

* * *

Yuki wakes up with a bad feeling in her bones.

"Oh my God."

Kyoya jolts awake. "What? What—oh. Oh, I'm so sorry, Yuki."

She relaxes, putting her head on his shoulder. It bothers her that it doesn't bother her to wake up in Kyoya's bed. "I'm sorry too. Your sheets are all dirty now." She winks and pecks his cheek. "Good morning, darling. I'm going to take a shower."

Hot water helps her think better. She still feels bad—not about Kyoya, of course. Something bad is happening today and she knows it. She can feel it deep down.

"Do you mind if I come in?"

"Do you want to join me?" Yuki asks teasingly, pulling the shower curtain closed.

Kyoya declines politely and splashes his face with cold water. "No classes today. Apparently, someone set of a bug bomb in the main office."

"Yune, of course. Hikaru too." She rinses the conditioner out of her hair. "Can you pass me the antibacterial soap on the counter?"

"Yeah, no problem. Are you all right? You sound… sick."

"Some bad is happening right now, Kyoya."

He impresses her by not asking how she knows. "How bad? Should I get dressed?"

"Probably. I'm getting out, hand me a towel, will you?"

"Of course."

* * *

Yune takes a seat next to her sister in the lunchroom, her plate piled high with bacon. "What's wrong? You look like crap."

"I look just as I do every day, thank you, but something is wrong."

"What?"

"I don't know yet."

"Kyoya getting to you?"

"Not the way you think," Yuki replies cryptically. Yune frowns at her, but doesn't have time to press her twin for information.

Lilly and Katy skip up, arm in arm. "Good morning, sleepy beauties! Have you heard the news?"

"Yeah, class is out because idiot Yune here set off a fucking bomb."

"No, no, this is bigger! There's a big jet in the hangar. Nice and silver, looks expensive. Who can it be?"

"Does this jet have a blue stripe along the nose?" Yuki asks. She and Yune are frozen, identical expressions of shock on their faces.

"Yeah. Did you see it?" Lilly asks. The twins ignore her, standing suddenly, all efficient motion. All business-like. Like they've practiced for this.

"You go. I'll stall. Change. Outfit in my closet, third door."

"Go! Go! Hurry, give me fifteen minutes." They're off like darts, leaving Katy and Lilly staring at empty plates.

They exchange glances.

"Hmm. Wonder what that was about."

* * *

"Kyoya! Open the damn door! It's Yune, it's an emergency. Please, jackass, I need you to open the fucking door!"

She storms in and slams the closet open as soon as Kyoya turns the doorknob.

"You want to clue me in on the emergency?"

"Go the jet hangar. Yuki can tell you. Can you zip me up?"

"What the hell are you wearing and why?"

"Look, I don't have time for your bastard blabber. Yuki needs you. She's challenging the lion here. Don't leave the mouse by herself."

"Hmm. Didn't expect you to make an analogy."

"Oh, piss off! Leave!"

* * *

Tamaki, Kyoya, Mori, Honey, Hikaru, Kaoru, Lilly, Megan, and Katy all show up just in time to see the door to the jet open and a short balding man step out in an expensive tailored suit, talking on his cell phone.

Yuki stands beneath him, standing evenly on each foot, the picture of defiance. She waits patiently for the man to end his call before holding out her arms.

"Father."

"Holy shit," the twins whisper at once. "They have a _dad_?"

"Yuki." He doesn't hug her, merely gives her a once-over and turns away. "Where is Yune? I don't see her."

"She is finishing up her breakfast. When we heard that you were here I came immediately. Are there some bags that you would like me to carry?"

"No, I won't be staying."

"I see." She's clearly at a loss for words, so Tamaki bounds up, cheery welcome practically written all over his face.

"Hello Sir! I am Suou Tamaki. My father is superintendent of the school. Am I correct to assume that you're the Miaku sisters' father?"

If Tamaki was expecting a returned smile, he had the wrong idea. Yuki tries to signal all of them away, but not before her father can say, "Why the hell would I want to talk to you, boy? Leave. Take Yuki with you, for God's sake. Karakov! Get off the plane, please!"

"_Damn_ that is _fine_," Katy says, making Lilly and Megan laugh. The boy that comes out of the plane is gorgeous, tall with dark skin and a great smile.

"Ah. Am I correct to assume that this is…"

"Yes. This is Yune's fiancé."

"Oh. My. Holy. Fucking. God. In. Heaven." Hikaru almost falls over. "She… has… has a… a _f-f_-_fiancé_?"

"Why wouldn't she tell us?" the girls twitter.

Kyoya just blinks, trying to remember what Yuki had said_. "No. My father is alive. But he's in the process of disowning me."_

"Dad."

Everyone whirls and their jaws drop even further. "Is that…"

"I think it is…"

"Yune?"

"Oh goodness…"

"What happened?"

"Yune." Their father smiles warmly, holding out his arms. She pops her gum and raises an eyebrow, ignoring his hug as he had done to Yuki.

"'Sup." Yune had gone from moderately goth to hardcore biker in all of about five minutes. She has the leather, the bleached hair, the tar-like makeup, the whole deal—she even has very realistic tattoos peeking out from her tight miniskirt and fishnet tights.

"Who the hell's this?" she asks in a throaty voice, popping her gum again. "Looks like eye candy to me. Your new toy, father?"

"No, your new fiancé, Yune."

"Oh. 'Sup, dude?"

It's clear that the Russian model is seriously confused.

"Oh, Yune, I'm so impressed! You really are using the gum." Yuki wraps an arm around her transformed twin, smiling at the visitors. "Only last week, Yune decided to get over her smoking addiction—nicotine gum takes the edge off of it. I'm so proud of you, Yune."

"Yeah, well, don't wanna give my kid the wrong idea."

Yuki glances at Kyoya in alarm and he pulls Honey away from Mori, whispering, "I'll give you strawberry cake if you act like a baby for these people."

Then he hands Honey off to Yune, who cradles him like her own child.

"Father was a real bitch, ya know? Left me all alone. What can you say, all they want is the sex, then they leave ya in the dirt. Real bastards, them. Just lucky the school lets me keep 'im. Even lets me breastfeed in class!"

The twins are cracking up, the girls look confused, Mori has a very Mori-like expression on his face, and Honey is behaving just like a two year old, struggling in Yune's arms.

Her father's eye is twitching as he says, "Well, let's go inside, shall we?"

Kyoya pulls Yuki behind, dragging her into an unused art room.

"Tell me what's going on."

"It's not important." She yanks her arm away and makes to leave, but he grabs her waist and pulls her back in.

"No, Yuki. Tell me now."

"It's not damn important, all right? Leave me alone!"

She runs out and he stands there, shocked speechless.

Had those been… _tears?_

* * *

"Yune, what the hell is going on?" Hikaru wants to know. She smiles at him.

"Just pretend, all right? We've got it covered."

"So, Yune. How are you liking Ouran?" her father asks. Sneering at him, she doesn't reply, just pops her gum.

"It is so… _nice_ to meet you," the model guy says. He has a wonderful Russian accent, practically making the other girls melt, but Yune just stares at him.

"Yeah, whatevs. Pops, you got any weed on ya? I really need a smoke right 'bout now."

Her father is about to pop a vein when Yuki walks up, cool and collected, the picture of efficient nonchalance. It breaks Yune's heart to see her hold herself like that. She only does that when their father's around—like she's trying her hardest not to break down. Trying her hardest to smile at the evil old man. It makes Yune want to hurl… or kill her father, either one.

"So father, how long will you be staying?"

"Long enough for a public proposal and for us to get Yune out of this school. The wedding will be within the month."

"So how much is this one worth, _Popsicle_?" Yune asks harshly before turning to Karakov, explaining sweetly, "He only picks men with money for me. Only the best for his little girl, right? Or maybe it's best for his business, huh?"

"You know that that isn't true!" her father says. "Yuki, what lies have you been telling your sister?"

"I don't think-" Yuki begins, but he shushes her. She just straightens her mouth into a flat, angry line and says, "Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll go talk to the superintendent about those withdrawal papers," before turning on her heel and marching away.

Kyoya finds her in the shower with the lights off, sitting in cold water in her clothes, shivering. She doesn't acknowledge his entrance, so he gets in with her, putting an arm around her. She leans against him, eyes closed. The water from the shower almost hides the fact that she's been crying.

"Do you want to talk to me?"

She shakes her head before she replies. "It's… it's always been like this."

"Why does he hate you?"

"Because… even from when I was a child, I was smarter than he was. Is. He resents me for it. I was always gifted, ahead, giving him advice on how to run his business. He's rich—and he only lets me live on mere allowance. He's got connections—and he doesn't let me meet anyone that could help me." She shakes her head and he holds her closer. "He… thinks me… unfit for marriage. That I'll never amount to anything. I'm not girly enough, nice enough, dumb enough, _something_. That thing with Yune? It's happened every year since we were eight. He tries to auction her away to the highest bidder."

Kyoya asks, "Do you wish that he would do that for you?"

"No! No. No no no. It makes me sick. I… I love my sister. I don't want to lose her to him. Not to some foreign billionaire that he picks. Not to anyone, unless she loves him." She hiccups and he wipes her tears away, letting her continue, "He didn't love my mom. He… he killed her."

"How?"

"He got drunk. Beaten to death. He paid off the police, there was no investigation… but I always knew. Yune doesn't know, I don't think, not really. Maybe she suspects, but she didn't _see_ it."

"Oh, God, Yuki."

"He loves Yune. Never me. I know I sound bratty, but… but… how could he do this to his daughters, Kyoya? I try so hard to love him."

Kyoya kisses the top of her head, water still crashing down around their heads, but he doesn't feel it any more.

"Yuki. Yuki, oh God."

"I told you my home life was screwed up." She smiles softly, sarcastically, and it breaks his heart.

"He doesn't love you, Yuki. You don't need to love him."

She leans against him again, reaching up to turn the water off. They sit there still, still, silent, frozen, dripping, but warm.

"I know. I know."

* * *

"So what kind of music do you like?"

Yune recognizes the stages. Confusion, hesitance, then desperation. He was grasping for any little thing that they had in common. It was almost over.

"You know, heavy metal, trucker channel, that kinda thing. Mikey, what the hell you doin'? Come to Mommy, worthless lard…" She grabs Honey around the waist and lets a huge burp rip out of her mouth. "Oh, 'scuse me!"

Karakov stands up. "I'm sorry. I can't do this. The engagement is off, Miaku-san. Sorry, but no."

He stands up and walks away and Yune feels like throwing a party. _Mission accomplished! Bwahahahahahahaha!_

Her inner evil laughter is interrupted by her father.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he snaps. "I'm trying to find a better life for you, you know that, don't you?"

"No, you're not." Yuki steps up, Kyoya waiting behind her. "You're trying to find a better life for yourself. You want a better life for her? Fuck _out_ of it."

"You had better not be talking to me, young lady—"

"Oh, but I am. Get out of our lives, Dad. Stand up with whatever dignity you have left and walk away. We don't want you, we don't need you, and I'm asking you to go away. Now."

"I knew it! You are poisoning Yune's mind with your web of lies. You're a worthless, pitiable, unmarriable bitch that will never find happiness, and all you are is jealous of your sister! You always have been!"

"Go away, Dad," Yuki hisses. "I hate you. _Yune_ hates you. _We hate you_. Leave us the hell alone. You've lost, Dad. Back away."

"You'll regret this, you little bitch. You're just like your mother—too stupid to realize everything I've done for you!"

"Oh. You mean the mother that you beat to death? I witness at the trial, you're going away, Dad. For life. And what happens to your precious fortune then?" She smiles and steps forward, making him fall back. "Get the hell away from me, Dad. If I ever see you again, I swear to God that I will call our lawyer and tell him everything I know—about you, Mom, _and_ the business. And every sneaky deal you've ever made."

Three minutes later Yune puts a hand on her twin's shoulder. "You did the right thing, Yuki."

"I have to go." She turns and runs, leaving Yune standing after her in the cloud of her father's musty cologne. Hopefully it would be the last time it would ever have to happen.

* * *

_ You're a worthless, pitiable, unmarriable bitch that will never find happiness! You're a worthless, pitiable, unmarriable bitch that will never find happiness!_

"Yuki? Yuki, where are you?" Kyoya calls, opening the door to find her sitting on the floor, staring absently at the window.

_ You're a worthless, pitiable, unmarriable bitch that will never find happiness!_

She says it aloud. "'You're a worthless, pitiable, unmarriable bitch that will never find happiness.' Kyoya, is he right? What if he's… I mean… how…?"

He pulls her to her feet, moving her over to the window.

"Suppose we prove him wrong."

"What do you mean, Kyoya?" Her eyes are fuzzy; she can hardly understand what he's saying. She's so exhausted.

"You're not worthless. You're worth eight million yen to us, actually, so that's a pointless one. Pitiable? Find me a human that pities you and I'll find a pig that can fly. Bitch? You do everything for your sister. You gave up your life for her. If you're a bitch, then what does that make us?"

She looks down at her feet and he lifts her eyes back up to meet his.

"So that leaves…" she whispers, eyes widening.

"Miaku Yuki…" Yuki watches him drop down to one knee, holding her hands, looking up at her with his beautiful sad eyes. "Miaku Yuki, will you marry me?"


	8. Chapter 8: Bifurcation

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 8: Bifurcation

* * *

The Host Club Parents' Party is an annual event. Parents of all the students come to the music room for a meet-the-teacher kind of thing, only with champagne and beautiful boys to chaperone (or, as it is this year, beautiful boys and two girls).

"Preparations are under way. Yuki, will you call the caterers again? This has to be perfect, and if they screw it up, it's all on you!" Kyoya winks at her before heading off to bother Tamaki. She blinks, still reeling.

_ "Kyoya… I… I don't know what to say…"_

_ "We can give it time. Tell me when you're ready."_

When the hell would she be ready?

"Katy, can I talk to you?" she asks, pulling the girl away from streamer duty. She looks gorgeous as always, designer jeans and a carefree tube top.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Tell me about engagements at Ouran."

"Well, they're incredibly common—almost everyone has one! It's like saying you're going out. Marriages normally happen right as they go into university. It's like going steady, kind of. The families are bonded, so it's a business plus as well. Why, did someone propose?"

"Yeah, actually."

"Who, girl, who!"

"Kyoya."

Katy screams, making everyone stop what they're doing to stare. "Sorry, there was a spider!"

She drags Yuki away. "Oh my golly goshness, this is exciting! Wait till I tell the girls, they'll get a kick out of this!"

"No! No, Katy. Keep it a secret. If I want to tell anyone, _I'll_ tell them."

"Okay, fine… is the ring pretty?"

"Katy! Focus! Relevant facts."

"Okay. Right. Relevant. When did he ask?"

"Yesterday."

"How exciting! Do you want to say yes? I think you should. Ooh, with an Ootori, the wedding's gonna be ah-_mazing_!"

"So you say yes?"

"Hell no, I don't say yes! I say _hell_ yes!"

* * *

Three hours later, the music room is flooded with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and Host Club members.

"Mrs. Fairchild, you look stunning. Is that a new hairstyle? It looks fantastic on you, really brings out the youth in your eyes," Tamaki says. Lily snickers—he even flirts with old ladies! How creepy!

"Uh, Lilly?" Yuki asks tentatively. "Do you mind if I ask you something kind of weird?"

"No, not at all! I live for weird!"

"Do you think I should marry Kyoya?"

Lilly's mouth drops open. "Whoa! Major on the weird scale!"

"Do you think I should? I'm asking everyone's opinion."

"Well… do you like him?"

"Well, I…" Yuki hasn't even thought about that. "Yeah, I do. I really do."

"Then follow your heart. Oh, goodness, that sounded cheesy, huh? Ha! Good luck. I think I see my mom."

Yuki wanders away mutternig and Lilly grabs Tamaki's arm. "Come meet my mom!"

"Meet your mom? Why! Ah! Lilly! No!" She drags him over anyway.

"Mama, this is Suou Tamaki."

"Ah, yes, we've heard so much about you!" Her mom takes Tamaki's hand and while he's clearly alarmed, he still manages to be polite. _Why's he so scared?_ Lilly wonders. _She's just like any other lady…_

_ Oh crap, oh crap! It's Lilly's mom! What if she doesn't like me! What if she doesn't approve of me! Oh crap, oh crap!_

* * *

"Your mom is nice," Yune says. "She gave me a necklace."

Hikaru slaps his forehead. "Ah, Mom! Way to embarrass me!"

"No, it's totally sick! I love it! Here, do the clasp for me, will you?"

Kaoru wanders over. "Hey, have you seen Mom? Last I saw, she was chatting it up with Tamaki… oh shit, she's over there with Megan!"

"What? What's wrong with Megan?" Yune and Hikaru ask at the same time, but Kaoru ignores them, instead elbowing his way through the crowd to meet with his mom.

He kisses her cheek and she beams at him. "Kaoru, darling! You know Megan, don't you?"

"Yes, we know each other." Megan gestures with a glass of punch to a table of refreshments. "You should have some, they're great. I guess calling the caterer like fifteen times really does work."

"Hahahaha, isn't she funny?" Kaoru's mom grabs Kaoru's arm. "Excuse us!"

She drags her son into the lady's room.

"Mom! This is girls' bathroom!"

"How well do you know that girl in there?"

"We're friends, why?"

"Because you two are _meant_ for each other!"

"Mom!" Kaoru yells. "Way to be an embarrassing mother!"

While they're in the bathroom, Yuki pulls Megan aside, immediately launching into her question.

"Megan, should I say yes to Kyoya's proposal?"

Megan doesn't even blink at Yuki. "Yes."

"You think?"

"Yeah, I do. I see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. Not to mention that you two are like totally on the same creepy intellectual page. Just say yes!"

"Okay… thanks, Megan."

"No problem. I'm just kind of scared of this school now… engaged at fourteen…"

* * *

Hikaru pulls Yune up with him towards his mom, who seems to be arguing with Kaoru about something. He interrupts with, "Hi again, Mom! This is Yune, my girlfriend."

"It's so nice to meet you… again," she says. Yune just grins, totally at ease with being introduced as his girlfriend.

"Yeah, same. Are you gonna ask me weird stuff and be all overprotective-parentish on me? 'Cause I am so out of here if that's going on."

"No, no! But I would love to meet your parents."

"Oh… umm… I don't know if… let me go… bye!" Yune darts off. "Yuki! Yuki! Yuki! Dad isn't here, is he?"

"I sure as hell hope not." Yuki doesn't know what to do—should she ask Yune about the engagement or not? She wanted her opinion, but at the same time, was scared to ask.

"Ladies, I have bad news," Kyoya says. "Your father is here."

"Worst. Timing. _Ever_." Yune frowns at both of them. "Are you two sleeping together or something? You have that happy glow that makes me want to barf."

"What? No!" they yell at once, making her raise a single eyebrow.

"Well, _that's_ not suspicious… I'd better go find Dad before Yuki kills him…"

* * *

"Hikaru, Kaoru, should I get engaged to Kyoya?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Hell no!" they yell at the same time.

"Hold on… which one yelled which?"

"Hikaru says no, Kaoru says yes," they both explain. She just shakes her head.

"I don't see how she lives with you two."

"Neither do we! Wait, is that your dad over there?"

"It had better not be…"

* * *

"Katy, this is my mother." Mori smiles, a somewhat foreign expression on his face. "Mother, this is Katy, my girlfriend."

"It's nice to meet you."

Katy grins up at the family. They're all super freakin' tall! She feels like a midget. "Well… I see where Mori gets his height from, huh?"

The family laughs. Talking to parents is surprisingly easy—they're like kids, but older. And allowed to drink champagne. No fair!

"It's so lovely that Takashi is bonding with his peers—we were almost worried about him! Talented boy like him, needs to spread his wings, you know?"

"Oh, I absolutely understand, Mrs. Morinozuka. My mother says that she was the same way. She's the leading designer in Milan, you know. There she is, right over there. Should I introduce you?"

* * *

"Kyoya, my dad is here." On the other side of the room, Yuki looks up at him, not even thinking about the fact that he had proposed less than twenty-four hours ago. Not even thinking about the fact that he wanted to marry her.

"I know that."

"But he's not my dad anymore."

"What?"

She holds up a stack of papers, all signed and formally witnessed. "You know that disowning thing? It really can happen."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Yuki."

"I'm not! But… does that mean that I'm no longer Yune's sister?"

"No, I don't think so. That'll take some ironing out. But if he's her legal guardian, she _has_ to go with him now."

Her hands ball up into fists as she realizes what that means. He has legal rights to Yune? _Not. A. Chance. In. Hell._

"Where is he?"

"Calm down first, Yuki."

"I'm gonna kill him!"

Yune pops up, identical to Yuki in almost every way but her eyes. Kyoya finds them infinitely different, though. "Yuki, I felt it. What's wrong?"

"I'm not your sister anymore, Yune. I'm sorry. I lose."

Yune sits down on the refreshments table, not minding whose fingers she lands on. "You're kidding, right? We can get out of this?"

"Nope. Not until I call the lawyer and deal with it personally."

"Time for an old man to die."

"No! No, Yune, think rationally. If we kill him, you get sent to jail, and that solves no problems whatsoever." Kyoya's amused to watch Yuki switch roles—one minute she's the little sibling, one minute she's the older. "Be rational."

"Okay, I'm rational now. Let's both kill him so we're both in jail!"

"It's a lost cause…"

* * *

"Good evening. What are you doing here?" Kyoya asks. Mr. Miaku just looks at him.

"I'm here to take my daughter."

"Which one?"

"Miaku Yune. Do you know her?"

"Yes, actually, I do. But… we're not going to let her leave."

"What did you just say to me?"

"That we are not letting Yune leave," Mori says, coming up behind her and looming over the squat man. "If you want to use force, you have to go through me."

"Well, I have legal rights to Yune—"

"You'll find that 'legal' means something a little different here, Mr. Miaku. We're not letting our friend leave. You can curse, you can cry, you can try to hit us, but you're not leaving here except for by yourself." Kyoya smiles at him sweetly. "Would you like to try the punch, Sir?"

* * *

"Tamaki… I don't really like you much, but what do you think about me… getting engaged… to Kyoya?"

"You? And _Kyoya?_ How come I never knew about this? My own daughter… do not lose your innocence, my sweet! _Do not lose your youth!_"

Yuki slaps her forehead. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I'll take that as a no. Oh, and by the way, I'm _not_ your fucking _daughter_."

She tries Honey and Mori, even. "Do you think I should accept Kyoya's proposal?"

"Kyoya and Yuki? You two are so _cuuute_ together! But we can still eat cake, right? Kyoya won't get jealous of me or Usa-chan?" Honey looks so innocent, with his big eyes and icing-rimmed mouth.

"I have a feeling that Kyoya won't mind me eating cake with you, Honey." Mori nods and Yuki grins at both of them. "Well, I'd better be off. Maybe I should ask Yune…?"

Kyoya grabs her arm instead. There's something tense about him, but he smiles, making her even more suspicious. "Is everything all right?"

"I just want you to meet my dad. Father, this is Miaku Yuki. She's dressed up as a boy for legal purposes that she's still sorting out—she is quite adept at that kind of thing."

"Are you now? How unique. Are you interested in summer programs working at my hospital firms? We're always looking for bright young minds, and if my son approves, then you must be worth _something_, hmm?"

Yuki could faint.

"That sounds amazing! Business and calculation are my main focus at Ouran, actually, along with science and drama, but those are mainly as hobbies. I would be absolutely thrilled to work as an intern for you."

"An intern? No, we'll pay you," Kyoya's dad says. She smiles.

"Are you sure? I'm more than willing to intern solely for the experience."

"No, no, I insist!"

"Father, Yuki and I might be getting engaged," Kyoya interrupts, making his father stop as if paralyzed.

"Kyoya and I… _are_ engaged," Yuki corrects, reaching down for his hand. "If you approve, Mr. Ootori."

"Well, I would love to meet your father first, but I have no objections." His father looks alarmed, but not as much as Kyoya expected.

"Oh, well, it's lucky he's here then," Yuki says, "and even luckier you're here. Mr. Ootori, I know that you don't really know me, but… as your son's fiancé, I need a favor. I don't know if it's a big one or not, but—"

There's a crash and some screaming, and everyone clears away to stand along the walls. Giving Kyoya and Yuki a perfect view of what has happened. Giving Yuki the chance to see her father crash into the refreshments table, nose bleeding. Giving Yuki the chance to see Yune lean over him, hand still in a fist, saying, "If you fuck with my sister you're going to regret it, you worthless bastard!"

Yuki turns back around to Mr. Ootori, who pushes his glasses up exactly as Kyoya does when he's angry or confused.

"Mr. Ootori, I need help with _that_."

* * *

The Parents' Party is over and all of the Host Club—along with their parents—are still in the music room, amidst the rubble of a successful party.

"Thank you, Mr. Ootori," Yuki whispers, bowing again. "I really can't thank you enough. I apologize again for the actions of my father and sister."

They had explained everything, and, to Kyoya's surprise and Yuki's relief, Mr. Ootori had taken care of the entire problem himself. Exactly what he had done to Mr. Miaku was unknown, but it was safe to say that the man would never—ever—_ever_—be bothering them again.

"It is my pleasure. If Ouran Academy is full of such bright young minds as yours, then perhaps this is the proper environment for Kyoya after all. Kyoya… congratulations, my boy. She reminds me of your mother."

"Thank you, Dad," Yuki says before she can catch herself. Kyoya's dad laughs.

"Thank you, Yuki. Keep my son in line."

"Can do!"

When all of the parents leave, Yune finally shows up again from the nurse who had insisted on doing a check-up. "I'm not freakin' hurt, all right? _I _punched _him_. Go away!"

"Whoa, bully the nurse, why don't you?" Hikaru says jokingly. "Come on, guys, let's eat the left over cake."

"So… you accept my proposal, then," Kyoya reiterates. Yuki smiles. They are cleaning the room, wiping spilled rubble off of the floor from Yune's destruction of the snack bar. They pour two glasses of champagne for themselves, toasting to their health before downing it all and reaching for more.

"Do you mind if I wear the ring around?" she asks and he pulls it out of his pocket.

"Not the most romantic setting for this, you know."

"But it's perfect for me." Kyoya slides it on her finger and kisses her cheek.

"Thanks, Yuki."

"Hey, you're the rich, perfect one. I'm the scholarship student here."

"I love you, Yuki."

She looks at him. That's all. Her mind is blank, her face is blank. Then a single question: _Do I love him? Do I _love_ him?_

"Yes. Yes, I love you too, Ootori Kyoya. And now we're engaged."

"Yes we are."

"Which only leaves one thing." She looks sideways at her cell phone, lying on the ground mere feet away. "Telling Yune."

* * *

Hikaru and Kaoru are playing their Gameboys on the couch as Yune steps out of the shower in a fluffy white towel. Hikaru can't peel his eyes away and Kaoru just isn't interested (or he's more interested in blasting that damn space turtle already).

"Eww! Pedophiles! Eww, gross, go away, little creepers!"

"We're not creepers! You're the one who steps out in a towel when you share a room with two boys, how do you expect that to go over!"

She sticks her tongue out at Hikaru. "Damn you and your logicals!"

Her cell phone ringing makes them all jump.

"It's Yuki." Yune frowns and mutters, "Wonder what she could want?"


	9. Chapter 9: Contretemps

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 9: Contretemps

* * *

"Why do I have to wear this?" whines Megan. "It's… it's…"

"So cute!" Katy squeals. They're in black traditional maid dresses for club duty today: it is traditional European today or something. Whatever. They are so cute!

"I was going to say it's a death contraption," Megan mutters, the zipper sticking at the neckline. "Help me, will you?"

"Girls, are you ready? We're about to start. Do either of you know where Yune or Yuki is?" Tamaki asks through the door. "Kyoya said that Yuki left before he woke up this morning. Where are they? My daughters!"

"I'm here," Yuki says, "and I'm not your daughter."

"Where's your sister?"

"How the hell would I know!" Yuki storms by, kissing Kyoya quickly before pulling her costume off of a rack. "Sorry I had to run out, dear, had to take a phone call. You understand."

"Of course. Would you like me to tie that for you?"

"Oh, aren't you a doll."

Yune slams the door open and stalks in, her shoulder bumping her twin. Kyoya catches Yuki, but Yune just walks by as if nothing had happened. When he looks at Yuki for an explanation she glances away.

"I see."

"Yeah. She doesn't really… approve."

"Well?"

"What do you mean 'well'? I'm not going to call it off because Yune's being a _baby_. Not accepting that I'm _in love_."

Yune bangs around in the changing room, alerting Hikaru to her murderous mood.

"What's up _your_ butt?"

"Yuki's getting fucking married!"

"Actually no, she's just engaged. Have you talked to her about it?"

"Hell yeah, and she and her newlywed devil can go burn!"

"Have you talked to Kyoya?"

"He's a jackass and I hate him!"

"But have you _talked_ to him?"

"No, and I'm not going to! It's not my fault she's being a senseless little bitch. She'll have to apologize to _me_."

* * *

"This is quite a dilemma." The rest of the group is gathered, prepared for club duty, listening as Megan talks.

"Well, yeah, but who are we to invade? They have to sort this out themselves," Lily thinks. Tamaki agrees, but still frets about his daughters.

"I hope they get over it soon," Katy says, biting her fingernails. Mori takes her hand and pulls it away from her mouth.

"That's a bad habit."

"Oh, thanks!"

* * *

Yuki skips up with Kyoya as the doors open and the first round of girls comes through. Yune stomps up, but as they all see the girls, they plaster smiles onto their faces and become hosts.

"Welcome to the Host Club!"

Yuki is meeting with her steady designations—she has almost twenty that came to her every day, about a fifth of what they need—when Yune spills water all down her back.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, that was a complete accident!"

"No problem at all, Yosuke." Yuki smiles at the girls but it's strained. "Will you excuse me?"

She's careful to stomp on Yune's foot as she goes to dry her shirt.

* * *

Yuki bumps into Yune as she walks by with Kyoya, sending her sprawling into the pond.

* * *

Yune trips Yuki, laughing as her face lands directly in Honey's cake.

* * *

During lunch, they take seats across from each other. Kyoya brings Yuki lunch and she kisses him in thanks for a long minute, pleased that Yune's eye begins twitching after about thirty seconds. The other Host Club members are just bored by now, eating their lunch and talking to each other in little voices.

Yune elbows her water, splashing it across Yuki's food and onto her lap.

"Why you little—!" Yuki picks up her soggy mashed potatoes, flinging them across the table and hitting Yune squarely in the chest.

"Oh, how dare you!" Yune stands, gathering handfuls of her food. Within minutes the whole cafeteria is in a riot, food against the windows, even hitting the headmaster when he comes in to control the situation. Kyoya pulls Yuki away from her sister and Hikaru does the same, dragging them away from each other and out of the room.

"That little—that little bitch! I'm gonna—"

Hikaru covers her mouth with a hand and wraps an arm around her waist to keep her from running back in there. They're both covered in trash but he doesn't care, just tries to get her to calm down, whispering calming words in her ear.

"Can I let go now?" he asks a few minutes later. She nods and collapses to the floor, muttering to herself.

"How could she do this to me?" she wants to know. "Getting married to that—that—that—"

"Have you considered that maybe she has feelings for him?"

"No. She could never love someone like that. Snobby, know-it-all, rich bastard—she _hates_ people like that."

Hikaru shakes his head. "She loves him."

"_What?_"

"Yuki loves Kyoya. In case you didn't notice, they're practically the same person, despite the class difference. They're getting married, Yune. Do you think that throwing a temper tantrum is going to stop that? We can't help who we fall in love with. Don't tell me you haven't noticed how they talk to each other."

"But—but—"

"Grow up, Yune. What you're doing is immature and stupid. If you aren't happy, tell them so, don't go around tripping each other. Think about your sister. Is it worth it to lose her over this?"

"I'm losing her to Kyoya anyway."

"You're having to share. I think that's a little better than making her hate you." He stands over her, arms crossed, and she looks up at him, at his serious expression. "Think about it, Yune. Think about it."

* * *

Yuki is just out of the shower when Yune finds her. She doesn't speak, just pulls her into a big hug, trying not to cry. They stand there like that until Yuki squeezes her and lets her go. Her nose is pink like she's going to start tearing up any minute, so Yune hugs her again.

"I'm sorry, Yuki."

"No, I'm sorry. You should have been the first one I asked, as soon as I knew."

"I…" Yune isn't so great with apologies. She'd rather wait for the other person to give up and finally repent, but this time, maybe it's worth it to admit the screw up. "I shouldn't have… reacted like that."

"You should have. I shouldn't have fought back."

"Will you stop it with the 'It's-my-fault' shit and listen to me? I'm… happy for you. I don't know what happened. I guess I was jealous that Kyoya gets to spend the rest of his life with you and I'm going to lose you. I acted like a bitch and I'm sorry."

Yuki's smiles as she says, "You're never going to lose me, silly girl. We're together forever, remember? No rich bastard's going to tear us apart."

"So I don't have to say anything else that's all sappy?"

"No. You don't have to say anything else that's all sappy."

"Yay! I think it's time for random dancing!"

"What? I'm in a towel!"

"So?" She kicks the stereo and some of their favorite music comes on. "Come on! Together forever, remember?"

"Together forever. But let me at least put on a shirt, all right?"

"Aww, but Kyoya's going to be so disappointed," Yune whines, and they both laugh. "I bought you a Tokio Hotel shirt, if you want it."

"Hell yeah! Hand it over or I kill you!"

"Oh yeah, let's see you _try_."

"I'll kill you with big words! Ambidextrous! Triskaidekaphobia!"

Yune pretends to die on the ground, crying, "The smartness! It burns!"

The two laugh, all fights forgotten.

* * *

"Good morning, Love!" Yuki cries, kissing Kyoya. The rest of the club makes disgusted faces.

"Do you have to do that _every_ morning?" the twins ask. Kyoya and Yuki pretend to think about it.

"Hmm… yes," they say in unison before laughing and kissing again. "I love you, Kyoya."

"I love you more."

"No I love _you_ more!"

Yune smacks both of them. "I love you both, so _shut the hell up_!"


	10. Chapter 10: Relations

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 10: Relations

* * *

"Hey Yune," Hikaru says, "you know how your father showed up like three days ago?"

"Yeah, I think I remember that."

"Well, that made me think…"

"Oh shit, thinking?"

"That maybe…"

"Spit it out, boy!"

"We should go out sometime."

Yune blinks. "Okay, cool. Let's throw dead cats through the window during history."

"What the hell? Where are we going to get a dead cat?"

"Remember that those middle schoolers are dissecting cats? Let's get a few, throw 'em in through the history room windows, and viola! Perfection!"

Hikaru laughs. "I like it! We can get Kaoru to open the windows for us."

"Haha! Awesome!"

* * *

"What the hell?" Megan screams. "Where did this dead cat come from!"

Everyone busts out laughing when the dead cats come sailing through the open windows. One lands squarely on their teacher's head, making her scream bloody murder.

The intercom buzzes to life. "Megan Shaft, will you please report to the main office?"

"What? I didn't do it!"

But she goes down there anyway.

"Why was I called to the office? It was clearly Hikaru and Yosuke!"

Someone yells, "Megan!"

"Justin?"

"Megan!"

"Oh my gosh, Justin! What are you doing here?" She pulls him into a huge hug. "When did you fly in?"

"Just now! Everyone in California's great. Mom and Dad send their love."

"It's so great to see you!" She laughs. "I mean, I still hate your guts, but I missed annoying the crap out of you!"

"I missed arguing with you over who got to use the computer!"

"I missed knocking over your Bionicle figures!"

"Oh, that was low, Megan."

"I know. Couldn't resist."

"I haven't played with them in years!"

"Months."

"Years!"

"Months."

"Okay, maybe months."

"Ha! You admit!"

The bell rings and the rest of the Host Club bursts in, stopping short when they see her in the arms of some older teenager. Kaoru looks like he might hurl.

"Oh, uh, guys. This is Justin Shaft, my older brother."

"It's nice to meet you!" Justin takes Katy's hand and kisses her knuckles, saying, "Even nicer to meet _you_, beautiful."

Katy blushes. "Aww, thanks! How sweet!"

Mori's face hardens (as much as Mori's face can, anyway). Honey frowns and reaches for Mori's hand.

"It's okay, Takashi."

"Hmm." Mori watches Justin talk with Katy and Megan, flirting freely.

This is bound to turn into a mess.

"This is Katy Burns and that's Lily Whiteford, my roomies. This is Suou Tamaki—they say last names before first in Japan, for some reason—the King of the Host Club. This is Yune, a girl pretending to be a girl, but not like they do in Cali, I actually think she's straight. Her identical twin is off with the Shadow King Kyoya at some academic convention for the next three days, so you won't meet them. This is Morinozuka Takashi, we call him Mori, and Haninozuka... I don't know the rest of his name, we just call him Honey. And this is Hikaru, the annoying one, and his identical twin, Kaoru, my…"

"Friend," Kaoru finishes awkwardly. They both blush, making Justin raise an eyebrow.

"Okay. Well, I'll be here for the next two days! Just visiting, you know."

"Of course. Where are you gonna stay?"

"Oh, I have a hotel room. Let me treat you all to dinner! Megan's friends are my friends!"

Mori can't help but notice how he looks right at Katy as he says it.

* * *

"Are there any good beaches around here?" Justin asks Katy. They're all in a moderately nice restaurant, but Mori finds himself moping, despite Honey's repeated attempts to cheer him up.

"They're all closed today," Kaoru says for Katy, because she doesn't know. "It's a little too cold this week so they've got the beaches shut until Friday."

"Damn, I'll be gone by then," Justin says. "Maybe you all could fly in to Cali over winter break and see the beaches there, they're to die for."

"I bet they are! I love beaches. I bought this uber-cute suit—remember, Mori? We went shopping together a few days ago. Poor Mori, I drag him around everywhere with me. But he's a good sport." Katy grins.

"I'd love to see it. Does Ouran have a pool? I think my hotel might have one if it doesn't."

"Justin's, like, obsessed with swimming. He works a lifeguard for movie stars. I think it's dreadfully boring, saving rich people all day." Megan sticks out her tongue and Kaoru laughs.

"But don't you have to put up with _us_ all day?"

"Well, y'all are different. You're… umm… nice?" she says and Justin shakes his head at both of them.

"You two are pathetic."

"What?" Megan and Kaoru say, but everyone else at the table has to agree. They really are just completely in denial.

"Never mind. Katy, your hair is gorgeous, is it natural?"

"Completely! I hate hair dye." She smiles again. "Are you paying for the whole meal?"

"As much as I can manage with what's in my wallet! Which may not be much, actually…"

* * *

"Katy," Mori says. Justin had left them at Ouran and Mori had offered to walk her to her room.

"Yeah, Mori?"

"Do you like Justin?"

"Yeah, he's cool! For an older brother, I mean. I wish _I_ had an older brother…"

Mori frowns. She doesn't get it. "But… he… Never mind. Good night, Katy."

He turns to leave and she grabs his hand. Hers is so much smaller in comparison. "Wait."

"Yes?"

"Good night, Mori!" She smiles and kisses his cheek. "Sweet dreams!"

And then she goes inside, but for some reason, he doesn't feel any better.

* * *

Justin is in the music room with Megan the next morning.

"So Justin."

"So Megan."

"What's up."

"Nothing much."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Fine."

"Like Japan?"

"I guess. Do you?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

"Yeah."

"Good morning!" Katy yells, hugging Megan and then Justin. Mori walks in with Honey just in time to see them hug, but he just breezes by, pretending not to care. Katy frowns at his back. _Something's up with him…_

"So Katy," Justin begins, "how old are you?"

"Fifteen, just like Megan."

"I'm eighteen! That's not as much of a difference as I thought."

"Yeah! My parents are seven years apart, so age doesn't really matter to me." _Mori's eighteen too,_ she thinks.

"So do you want to catch a bite with me tonight? Just a friendly meal, hmm?"

Mori freezes.

"Sure! But I can't stay for more than an hour, I have a butt load of homework."

"That's fine!"

Megan rolls her eyes. _This is sooo gross. My brother and my roommate. Yuck._

Mori can't help but feel the same way.

* * *

Mori watches Justin walk her to her room, sees her hug him before turning and going back to her room. He steps out of the shadows, leaning against the door to the elevator, the only exit.

"Justin."

Justin twirls around, alarmed by Mori's deep voice.

"Oh, it's just you. Takashi, right? Or would you prefer I call you Mori?"

Mori stands up, almost a foot taller than the other boy.

"Stay away from Katy."

"What?"

"Stay away from Katy. She's my girlfriend and I don't want you having any more 'friendly meals' together. I want you to leave her alone."

Here's where Justin should back down and walk away.

But unfortunately, he just doesn't quite know who Mori is.

"And what if she doesn't want me to leave her alone? What if she wants me over you? If you're her boyfriend, why would she go out with _me_ tonight and not _you_?" Justin laughs. "I think this is a sign. Saying that _you_ should leave her alone. You might be tall, but I'm not scared of you. _You_ back away. You dig?"

_Is this kid… trying… to… threaten me?_ Mori puzzles together, shocked.

But then shock turns to anger.

"I'm sorry that it came to this."

"So am I—I'm a green belt in karate!" Justin strikes a dramatic fighting stance and Mori just stares at him.

And punches him right in the nose.

"Mori!" Katy screams. "Oh, Mori!"

She rushes over and he sees that she's got tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Mori, are you hurt?"

Mori blinks.

"But… _I_ hit _him_, Katy."

"Look at your knuckles! Oh, you poor thing, let's put a band-aid on that!"

"But… he's… bleeding," Mori says, pointing at Justin who's lying on the floor holding his nose. He can't see _anything_ on his knuckles and the other boy is moaning.

"I saw the whole thing. He had it coming." Katy shrugs and pulls out a pink band-aid. "Here!"

Mori looks at the pink band-aid on his knuckles. "Thank you," he says quietly and she hugs him.

"Silly boy! I wouldn't pick him over you! I even fainted to meet you, doesn't that mean something?"

Mori laughs. "You're a funny girl, you know?"

She smiles and kisses his lips gently, whispering, "Thank you, Mori."

"All I have to do is punch a guy and I get a kiss?"

"Hmm… yep! You were so cool when you did that! Like he was all 'Whaaaaayah' and you were just like BAM! Haha!"

"Well, I'll beat up guys for you more often, how's that?"

"Sweeeeet!"

"But let's get him to the nurse. I'd hate myself if I let a broken nose go unattended."

* * *

"You knocked by brother senseless." Megan stares at Mori somberly before cracking up and holding her hand up for a high five. "Sweet!"

"I'll cover the medical bill," Mori says, but Megan won't hear of it.

"Yeah right! He deserves it. And there's nothing bad, just a lot of blood. It's not even broken. Lame punch, in my opinion, but that'll teach him not to flirt with my friends! Bahahahaha!"

"Well, here's a happy ending!" Honey cries. "Takashi beats up guy, Takashi gets girl, Honey gets cake! Whoopee!"

Katy wipes icing from Honey's nose. "Do I get some cake, Honey?"

"If you don't mind sitting next to Usa-chan!"

"No, I don't mind. Would Usa-chan like some tea?"

Mori watches her have a tea party with Honey, thinking, _Well, maybe this _is_ a happy ending._ He smiles and hands Usa-chan the tea.


	11. Chapter 11: Littoral

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 11: Littoral

* * *

"What. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. You?" Yune says through her teeth, looking like she's about to strangle the Hitachiin twins that are smiling at her angelically.

"We're going to the beach!"

"Yeah, I got the memo, dumbass. Now why the _hell_ are there all these swimsuits in the Host Club room?"

"Because our mom mailed them in and we want the Host Club girls to wear them. To try them out, you know."

"But… but… they're all bikinis!"

Hikaru nodded. "Yep. Are you opposed to them? Why?"

"Do you have any embarrassing scars? Or tattoos? I bet she has a tattoo!"

"Yes, I have a tattoo of a pie on my back, now fuck off!"

She slams the door in their faces and they look at each other. "Does she really have a tattoo of a pie?" Kaoru wonders.

"No, I think she was being sarcastic."

"Oh."

"Excuse me, boys," Megan says, pushing past them. "Aren't we supposed to find swimsuits in here or something?"

"Oh, yeah, Yune's in there with them. And there she goes…" Kaoru says, watching Megan go through. "And there's Katy. And there goes Katy. Hi Yuki. There goes Yuki."

Hikaru looks at his twin. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, my head hurts…"

"Would you like… an Advil?"

"Yes, yes I would."

"Well that's to bad!" Hikaru grins evilly. "We're going to beach!" he screams in his twin's ear, making Kaoru slap him.

"What are they yelling about out there?" Megan wonders.

"Ooh, Megan, look at this one! This one is perfect for you! Assuming you don't mind bikinis…" Katy's looking through the models and models of swimsuits.

"I lived in California, land of movie stars, gay people, and beaches. I don't mind bikinis. Hand it here, I'll try it on."

* * *

Thirty minutes later the boys walk in and each has their quite varied reactions to what they see.

"Darling, you look fabulous," Kyoya says to Yuki, drawing her close and kissing her passionately. She's found a simple black string bikini that fits her perfectly and he thinks it's suiting—simple, elegant, and absolutely stunning.

Kaoru blushes as he looks at Megan checking herself in the mirror. Blue is the perfect color for her—and seeing so much skin makes him feel self-conscious. She catches him staring and they both look away, faces scarlet.

Yune is in a skull-and-crossbones sleeveless swimsuit, leaving Hikaru to say, "You look pretty damn sexy!" (And, of course, she smacks him, but she's pleased anyway.)

Mori grins as Katy does a model twirl for him. She's found a great one for herself, as usual, white and silver and very flattering. "You look nice."

"Aww, thanks! You too!"

Tamaki's face turns red when Lily asks him what he thinks. What does he think? "I think that suit was made for you." It's a striped tankini, green and pink with a cute bow in the front.

"Thanks! Hey, we're matching again."

They laugh and Honey bursts in, pink floatie around his middle. "Are we ready to go?"

"Yeah. What beach are we going to?" Yune asks as they get into a limo. It's a stretch limo with refreshments, so they take their sodas—or water, in Megan's case. Kaoru asks her why and she says, "I just can't stand carbonated drinks. Make me have gas, and trust me, that would be _bad_."

"My family has a private beach about fifteen minutes out of here. We'll be going there." Kyoya smiles at Yuki. "Comfortable?"

"Of course."

"Your dating act really makes me want to hurl," Yune tells them.

"Who's acting?"

"Oh, right, you're engaged. Yucky!"

"Eww, germs!" Yuki mocks. "What about you and Hikaru, huh?"

"What about Hikaru? He's my minion, duh."

"Mm hmm."

"Really!"

"Yeah. Sure. Uh huh."

"You're so mean, Yuki!"

"Oh, screw that, so are you!"

"Yay, we're here!" Honey yells unexpectedly, and everyone cheers and tramples the driver to get out of the limo.

"Oh my golly goshness, this is the most amazingest beach ever!" Katy yells. "Mori, Honey, build a sand castle with me!"

The three run off, sand tools in hand, and the rest of them exchange glances, their gazes eventually resting on Kaoru and Megan.

"Kyoya, Tamaki, Lilly, will you walk with me? Hikaru and Yune, I bet that Katy would love your help on the sand castle," Yuki says. They all scoot at practically lightning speed, leaving Kaoru and Megan alone before either can protest.

"Well, I guess that leaves you and me, then," Kaoru says quietly. She nods.

"What do you want to do?"

"Well, I know this sounds kind of weird, but… can you teach me how to surf?"

Megan's jaw drops. "You've… never… surfed before?"

"No, never. And there's a surf shop over there…"

"Come on! I'm gonna teach you how to shred waves if it's the last thing I do! But let's hope it doesn't come to that, okay? Okay."

* * *

"Okay. So this," Megan gestures to his surfboard, "is a surfboard."

Kaoru nods. "Should I take notes?"

"No, this isn't science class! Thank God. Anyway, you're gonna paddle out until I tell you, then you're gonna turn around and stand on it like this. Get on your board and let's see if you can stand on ground, okay?"

"One can hope," Kaoru says.

"Okay, well, you pass the standing test."

Fifteen minutes later Megan's got Kaoru out in the water, holding his board steady. "You ready to try it?"

"No way! I'm scared! Megan, don't make me do this!"

"Oh, be a man! You can do this!" She laughs and looks at him. "I believe in you."

"Whoa, really? You do?" Before she can answer, she sees the perfect beginner wave.

"Here's the wave! Let's go!"

"AH! Megan! No!"

"Come on, I'll help you. Paddle! Go, go, go!"

They crash onto the shore laughing. "That was such a fail!" Megan says, laughing so hard she's almost crying. He laughs and sticks his tongue out at her.

"Well, let's try it again, then!"

"You want to?"

"Hell yeah! Or maybe I just want to have you as my personal cheerleader again."

"Oh, get out in the water, silly."

* * *

"Kaoru! You did it! I'm _sooo_ proud of you!" Megan yells, hugging him. He laughs and hugs her back, spinning her around.

"I did it! I did it! Yay me!"

"Yay you!"

They collapse in laughing fits, lying on the sand. It's mid-afternoon by now and there's been no signs of the others, but they don't care.

"So let's both do it! I want to see how good you are… and if I've got any chance of beating you!"

Megan shakes her head. "No. No. Sorry, but no."

"Yeah, we'll see! 'Cause I have to say, that was a pretty darn good first try!"

"…That was like the thirtieth try."

"Shut up!"

Megan shook her head. "Fine. I'll show you how to _really_ surf."

* * *

Kyoya and Yuki are walking along the beach, just holding hands, not talking. Just enjoying each other's company.

"Hey Kyoya?"

"Hey Yuki?"

"When are we getting married?"

"Well… I don't know, actually. I've got a year before graduation and you've got two—should we wait until after you graduate from college?"

"No! I'd hate to have you go out and find a new girl while I'm stuck in school." Yuki looks down at her feet, but Kyoya knows that she's serious nonetheless.

"Oh please, Yuki. You know that I'm never going to find another girl. I'm madly, crazily, absolutely in love you. And only you."

She kisses him and dances away, barefoot on the beach. "And here I thought you were just dating me to get to my sister!"

"Hey! That's not true at all!" Yuki giggles and takes off running. He tackles her, sending both of them onto the sand laughing. He kisses her and she rolls on top of him, smiling.

"I love you too."

* * *

Hikaru runs into the water, kicking salty spray into Yune's face. She sputters and glares at him, splashing back.

"Oh, you're dead!"

And that's how they spend the next however many hours, tackling each other in salt water and occasionally running around chasing little fish like 5-year-olds.

* * *

Mori helps Katy pat the sand flat while Honey looks for shells to decorate.

"Thanks for doing this," he whispers. "Sorry you got stuck building a sand castle with Honey instead of being with Lilly or Megan."

"No way! I'd rather do this any day! I love being with you. And Honey. I'll be like his mommy!" She grins like a little kid and Mori has to smile too.

"Pass me the shovel, will you?"

* * *

Lilly looks out at the sky. "Sun's gonna set pretty soon. Are we spending the night here?"

"Yeah, I think. Kyoya's got a whole hotel empty for us. We each get our own suite or something. Or was it our own floor?"

Lilly's digging a hole, but she won't tell Tamaki what it's for. She's already got one done and is working on the second. Tamaki is shoveling dirt out with his hands, occasionally stopping to pull sand out from under his nails.

"Okay, it's done! Now get in!"

"What?"

"Get in the hole, Tamaki."

"Okay!"

She piles sand on top of him, leaving only his head above ground. "Now tell me, Lilly, why am I in a hole?"

"Because I'm burying you!" She giggles and pats the sand flat. "There we go! All done. Now for me." Jumping into the other hole, she scoops sand onto herself, eventually covered just as Tamaki is.

"So… why are we buried?"

"For fun!"

Tamaki grins. "Okay!"

They lie in silence for a while, listening to the ocean and the seagulls.

"Hey Lilly, do you want to see a movie with me when we get back?" Tamaki says before he can change his mind. He has been puckering up the courage all day and didn't want to chicken out now.

"Yeah, sure. Or we can go a baseball game! I've always wanted to see one!" He can hear the grin in her voice. "So does this mean we're going out, then?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Cool."

"Yeah. So you're my… girlfriend."

"I guess so."

Tamaki smiles. "Cool!"

Lilly laughs and they look back up at the sky. "Hey… that's a pretty dang good sunset."

* * *

Megan climbs up on top of the granite, turning around to check Kaoru's progress. "Come on up! The view is great!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming, sheesh!" She helps pull Kaoru up. There are piles of granite on the south side of the beach and they had been climbing them for about fifteen minutes, looking at little pools and rock crabs until reaching the highest point.

"Wow. It's beautiful here," Kaoru breathes, taking a seat next to her. "I don't think I've ever seen a sunset as gorgeous as that."

"I think the company makes the scene," Megan whispers to herself, but Kaoru beams.

"You think so too?"

"Yeah. I do." She looks at him, Kaoru Hitachiin, and can only think, _I never expected the boy I end up with to be someone like him_. She expected someone sweet, smart, witty, caring… But she realizes something.

Today, Kaoru has proven that he _is_ all of those things.

"Hey Kaoru, can I try something?" asks Megan. He looks at her out of the corner of his eyes.

"Yeah, sure."

"Just sit still," she tells him, leaning forward. Her eyes close and he does the same; they're both so still, so still… _Can I really do this?_

She loses her balance and falls into his arms, lying on top of him. They both turn red but she doesn't move away.

"Megan, I really like you," Kaoru tells her. He looks away sheepishly, saying, "Sorry, just wanted to get that out. I didn't want to let the moment pass without something happening."

"I really like you too," says Megan, "and we aren't letting the moment pass. That's happened a few too many times, I think."

So he kisses her. And she kisses him back.

* * *

"I wonder where Megan and Kaoru are?" Hikaru says, his arm around Yune's waist. "It's getting a little too dark."

"Yeah. Where the hell are they?" Yune asks. She's got a sunburn, but she doesn't care—today was worth it. Totally worth it.

Kyoya and Yuki run up laughing, hand in hand. Both are flushed, making Hikaru and Yune shoot curious glances to each other.

"Oh, it was nothing like that," Yuki reads Yune's mind. "No, no. Not this time."

"This time?" Yune yells, but Mori and Katy skip up swinging a screaming Honey between them. They're all having a great time.

Lilly and Tamaki are covered with sand when they show up. They're holding hands, much to everyone's surprise, and talking in low voices. Yuki and Kyoya smile at each other, confident smiles that pretty much say, "I knew that this was going to happen!"

"Hey guys," Kaoru says, Megan behind him. They're both practically glowing, sun kissed and flushed.

"You two didn't have sex, did you?" Hikaru and Yune ask immediately. Instead of blushing, Kaoru and Megan just shake their heads.

"No, no sex. Too young."

"But—but you…?" Hikaru stutters. Megan kisses Kaoru's cheek and he beams.

"No fair! Kaoru got a kiss today and I didn't! My lord, they're bullies!" Hikaru cries.

Yune laughs. "Well, let's fix that!" She pulls him into a hugely dramatic stage kiss, making everyone laugh, but stunning Hikaru.

"Whoa," is all he can say. "Holy fucking _whoa_."

"Let's go back to the hotel, guys," Yuki says from under Kyoya's arm. "I think that Honey's been exposed to enough of your freaky activity for today."

"_Our_ activity? What about you and Kyoya and—"

Mori sends all of them the death glare and even Yune (master of the death glare) stops talking.

"It's bed time," he says in his deep voice, and everyone obeys.

* * *

"Good morning, sunshines!" Yuki yells on the loud speaker at six in the morning. Everyone jolts awake. "Everyone wake up! Hurry hurry!"

They all run downstairs in their pajamas, eyes wide, hair messy. "What's the emergency?" Lilly asks. Kyoya and Yuki are dressed and bright-eyed, standing arm in arm in the empty lobby.

"What the hell are you doing up so early?" Yune wants to know, grumpy as always in the morning.

"How'd you get Kyoya up so early?" Tamaki asks. "I have to know the secret!"

"I get up at four thirty every morning, and Kyoya didn't seem to object," Yuki says, smiling maliciously. They let it drop.

"So why are we down here?" asks Katy, who's in a white lacy nightgown.

"The sun is rising," Yuki says.

"Oh, really? Let's go watch!" Katy grabs everyone (despite the fact that she only has two skinny arms) and drags them to the beach, where they all stand, Kyoya with Yuki, Hikaru and Yune, Megan and Kaoru, Tamaki and Lilly, and Katy with Mori and Honey. All together, all happy, and all in pajamas.

"I think that was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen," Megan says as they walk back to the hotel almost an hour later. Kaoru agrees.

"I think that was the only sunrise I've ever seen, and with good reason," Hikaru and Yune growl. "I'm not a morning person! At all!"

"Hey guys?" They turn around to Tamaki, who's stopped. "Thanks for helping me make the Host Club a success. It means a lot to me."

"No problem. Why now, though?" the twins ask.

"Just thinking about what's important to me. And you guys are. I can't thank you enough." They all smile and even Yune feels obligated to join the hug.

"All right, sappy moment over," Kyoya says. "Let's go eat breakfast before it gets cold."

"I call the bacon!"


	12. Chapter 12: Divertissement

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 12: Divertissement

* * *

"Ooh! Look! Italian people!" Katy yells, dragging Mori to look at a kiosk selling intricate masks.

"Aren't you from Italy?" Lilly and Megan ask, sweat drops on their foreheads.

Katy freezes, thinking about it for a minute. "Oh, you're right! Ooh, I like this mask! Try it on, Mori!"

Mori puts it on and blows a raspberry on her forehead, making her giggle, which inspires him to tickle her stomach until tears of laughter come to her eyes. "Stop it! Stop it!"

"The happiness drowns me," Yune mutters, rubbing her eyeliner-rimmed eyes. It's eight in the freakin' morning, after all. Hikaru just grunts.

"Darling, do you have the map?" Yuki looks bright and fabulous, as she always does in the mornings, wearing sunglasses and a nice slim black shirt. Kyoya smiles at her.

"Of course. I was thinking perhaps we should visit the Museo di Storia Naturale di Venezia first, considering the closing hours."

"I don't want to go to a fucking museum!" Stomping her foot, Yune crosses her arms and pouts. She didn't _wanna_ come to Italy. She didn't _wanna_ get up at eight in the frickin' morning. She didn't even wanna _be_ with these people today!

"What's your damage?" Hikaru asks. She sticks her tongue out at him.

"I bought a new book I wanna read!"

Everyone stares at her, except for Yuki, who pushes her glasses up her nose like Kyoya does.

"Yune-chan reads?" Honey asks, tugging on Yune's black zipper and skull-and-crossbones decorated skirt.

"Only vampire books," Yuki says sourly, "though I've tried to make her look into more classic volumes—"

"Okay, whatever the hell you just said has made it that I will never 'look into more classic volumes' for fear I might turn out like you!"

"I love you too," says Yuki with a big smile.

"So Yune-chan likes vampires, hmm?" the twins ask, wrapping mirror arms around Yune's shoulders. She grins.

"Like vampires? I am a vampire!" Yune grabs Hikaru's wrist and clamps her teeth down on his neck, making everyone scream in laughter.

* * *

10 HOURS PREVIOUSLY

* * *

"Why are _you_ late?" Yune demands as Kyoya and Yuki walk in nearly fifteen minutes behind schedule. They were both in fine evening wear, Kyoya helping Yuki pull diamond dangles out of her ears, Yuki undoing Kyoya's tie for him.

"The lovey-doveyness makes me sick!" Hikaru and Kaoru cry simultaneously.

"Kyoya's father invited him to a dinner party and extended the invitation to me as well. I spent the whole evening schmoozing up rich bastards to please your father. I hope you appreciate how much I love you, you know," Yuki says jokingly to Kyoya, who kisses her forehead.

"If it's half as much as I love you, then it's nearly unrivaled."

"Okay, let's not get into this," interrupts Yune. "Tamaki, you said you had something big-ass important?"

"Yes!" Tamaki jumps up onto the table, sticking a finger upward dramatically as he proclaims, "We are going to Venice!"

* * *

VENICE, ITALY: PRESENT TIME

* * *

"Tamaki! Let's go eat Italian food!" Lilly grabs Tamaki's hand and pulls him away to some restaurant while Megan and Kaoru exchange glances.

"So… let's go get something to eat, huh?" suggests Kaoru.

"Yes! That's a wonderful idea. I could eat a frickin' cow."

"I like that about you. You're not afraid to be yourself. No 'Oh, I'm on a diet' business. It's nice." Megan meets this with a grin and Kaoru smiles back. Hikaru and Yune mime gagging behind their backs.

"Let's do something cool. Like watch a bullfight!" Yune screams excitedly. Hikaru snorts.

"Do they even have those in Venice?"

"Oh, maybe it's in Spain. Damn."

"You wanna find some bulls and _make_ 'em fight?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Honey-kun, do you want to come with us to get ice cream?" Katy asks sweetly, bringing an enormous grin to Honey's face.

"Hai! But I won't be intruding on Takashi and Katy's private time, right?"

"Nope! We want you to come!" Mori smiles at both of them and Kyoya raises his eyebrows at Yuki.

"Well, looks like everyone's happy. Let's head off, hmm?"

"Happy to, love," Yuki replies, and everyone goes off for their romantic excursion in Venice.

* * *

Eight hours later they all crash in Tamaki's rented hotel suite, collapsed over beds and couches and even a little footrest thing that Katy and Honey are taking turns sitting on and sliding across the parquet flooring. Megan and Kaoru finally stumble in laughing like crazy, holding hands.

"What's funny?" Tamaki and Lilly ask, looking up from a tour book to Venice.

"We were on this boat ride thing…" Megan begins. Kaoru continues.

"…and there was this movie playing…"

"It was like a soap opera!"

"And Megan and I were making up words…"

"…because the movie was in Italian, you know…"

"…and it was so frickin' funny, because these guys were, like…"

"…all having a fight, and they looked like…"

"…they were all having contractions!"

Everyone just stares at them as they collapse into giggles again.

"Mm hmm." Kyoya and Yuki just turn back to their game of chess—Kyoya is winning, but Yuki has planned a few turns in advance and is probably going to come out the victor—and Yune goes back to pretending to watch. Hikaru goes back to prodding her stomach to see how far he can go until she slaps him.

He doesn't get too far.

"So what are we going to do? The sun has set, so we shouldn't go outside. It's really cold, too." Lilly puts a hand against the window and draws it back. "Winter's a comin', y'all!"

"Uh… what?" everyone asks. She waves it away, muttering, "I guess they aren't fluent in hick, then. Fine."

Toto jumps up onto Tamaki's lap and curls into a ball, going to sleep in seconds. He just pets the dog absently, leaning on one arm. He is almost out of energy. (Which hardly ever happens to Suou Tamaki.)

"Let's play truth or dare!" Yune and Yuki scream at once. At everyone's blank stare, they continue, still speaking in one voice: "You've never heard of truth or dare?"

"Err, no," someone says, and they both gasp.

"We have to play! Someone starts and is like, 'Yuki, truth or dare?' Say she picks truth, she has to answer any question truthfully. Dare, she has to do any dare. If you chicken out on a dare, you have to do a truth. If you chicken out on a truth, you're out." Yune says it all in one breath, making Hikaru chuckle. She smacks him and he smacks her back, but Yuki catches them before they can do any real damage.

"So let's begin!" They all sit in a circle, Yuki and Kyoya on the bed, Hikaru and his twin with Megan and Yune on the floor, Tamaki lying on the couch with Toto on his lap with Lilly trying to convince him to move his feet, and Katy, Mori, and Honey all piled up on one fold-out couch/bed, Honey on Katy's lap.

"I'll start!" Yune says. "Megan, truth or dare?"

"Umm, truth?"

"Who do you like?" ("Like?" Tamaki whispers in Lilly's ear, "Doesn't she like all of us?" "When used like this it's meant romantically," Lilly explains, and he nods. _Clueless,_ she thinks. _Totally clueless_.)

"Kaoru, duh. We're going out."

"Whoa, no way!" Hikaru and Yune yell. "Since when!"

"Since the beach trip, duh."

"Ohh, gotcha. I _thought_ there was something up," Yune says, and Hikaru nods as if he knew all along.

"Hmm, Kyoya, truth or dare?" Megan asks. He blinks.

"Dare, I suppose."

"Uh… show us what's in the Black Notebook of Death!"

"The Black Notebook of Death?"

"That's its name. The black notebook thing you write in."

Kyoya smiles. "Oh, this?" He pulls it out and opens it, revealing endless strings of codes and math equations. "Happy?"

"So what does it mean?" the twins ask, leaning over to look at it. He snaps it shut and pushes up his glasses.

"Sorry, explaining it wasn't in my dare. Kaoru, Hikaru? Perhaps one of you would like a truth or dare?"

"Dare!" they yell, pointing at Kyoya's nose. He bats them away.

"Lick each other's faces."

They do it without hesitation and sit on the ground, sticking out their lips in pouts. "This game is no fun," they say. "No one's even dead yet."

"I have a different game, if you're interested," Yuki says, lying back on the bed. "Yune, it's the one we played at Daniel's party."

"Ah! I love that game!" Yune grins wickedly. "Mori, drinks?"

Mori (of all people) pulls out bottles of straight vodka and even some wine, for some bizarre reason. Kyoya reaches for that while Yune pours dozens of shots, already buzzed by the time she's done.

"Okay. Everyone takes a shot if they've done something, two if they've done it a lot. Everyone got it?"

They all gather around the coffee table, Kaoru taking the comforter to wrap around himself and Megan, who smiles at him gratefully.

"Okay," Yune says. "Let's start with kissed a girl."

All of the boys take a shot, even Honey—Kyoya and Hikaru take two, but to everyone's surprise, Hikaru and Tamaki leave their seconds alone. Even Yune and Yuki take one, making Kyoya raise his eyebrows (Yuki whispers something in his ear and he laughs) and Hikaru yell, "Sweetness! Good for you!"

"Hmm. Kissed a boy?"

All girls take shots, all of them two but Lilly and Megan. "What can I say? Not exactly interested in boys enough to fight for it…" Lilly explains, blushing. Tamaki nods as if this is acceptable but everyone just ignores him.

Tamaki takes a single glass and everyone laughs.

"Who was it?"

"Uh…" is all he says, looking awkwardly at Kyoya. They all double over.

"Kyoya! No way! But he didn't take a shot!" Yune says between her laughter.

"I snuck one when no one was looking…"

"Oh my God! Holy fucking shit! Holy fucking shiiiit! Tamaki and… Kyoya!"

"It was an accident," they mutter. "Idiot bumped the desk…"

Yune coughs, ending the laughter. "So let's get back to the game. Isn't it great, I'm getting dirt on everybody! How about… kissed someone in this room?"

Everyone takes a shot except for Lilly (Honey had gotten bored and Mori had made him go to bed), making her feel very awkward. Everyone, of course, notices. And since they're all drunk idiots by now, Hikaru and Kaoru yell:

"Whaaat? What the hell? You and Tamaki are going out though, right?"

"Well, yeah…"

"So kiss her, Tamaki! Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her!"

They all chant it until Tamaki (drunk and probably very dizzy) grabs Lilly and kisses her, making all of them cheer like crazy until they stop a good minute later. Kyoya and Yuki almost have to break it up before it escalated to a level that none of them wanted to see.

"Hmm. How about had sex?" Yuki suggests. Yune grabs for a glass while Kyoya and Yuki take shots simultaneously. Everyone else watches, too drunk to be uncomfortable. Yuki peers at them, confused. "None of you? That's… kind of depressing. Even you, Hikaru? Tamaki?"

"I'm still a first-year!"

"I… just haven't, okay!"

Megan saves everyone from having to explain further. "Told someone outside of your immediate family that you love them."

Kyoya and Yuki take two, smiling at each other—everyone looks away, Hikaru and Yune making faces—but no one else takes any, even Yune. Hikaru looks at her, surprised.

"Well, I haven't," she says defensively, and he leans over to whisper in her ear.

"I love you." He takes a shot and they all watch her blush, but when Yuki mentions it, she yells,

"It's the fucking lighting!"

They're all giggling like idiots and Kyoya says, "I think it's best we go to bed… before someone gets hurt…"

Katy nods. "Mori, we should carry Honey back to the room!"

"Yes," is all he says, scooping her up with one arm and Honey in the other. They exit, Katy crying, "Hey, set me down, you big hulk of a boyfriend!"

Unfortunately, everyone is too passed out to break into laughter at what she said.

* * *

TWO DAYS LATER

* * *

"So that was kinda pointless. Why'd we go to Venice? Great Italian food?"

Lily is serving tea to Tamaki in between guests in the middle of a rainy Tuesday afternoon. He grins up at her.

"Nah, Kyoya had to go to a business meeting."

"Oh, so that's where he went. Why'd we go with him?"

"Great Italian food."

"Oh, I gotcha."

They sit together for a moment.

"I've gotta go," Lilly says suddenly, standing. Tamaki rises too.

"Go where?"

She shrugs. "Just… go. Do something. I hate rainy days. Always try to keep busy."

"Oh…" Tamaki tries to think of something to say to keep here here with him. "But you know what's great about rainy days?"

"What's great about rainy days, Tamaki?"

"They're… great for watching movies…"

"Are you asking me out?"

He covers quickly, stumbling over his words. "No—no! I mean, not if you don't want to, which I'll totally understand, I mean—"

"Good." Lily grins and picks up the tea tray. "I'll see you at seven, then."

Tamaki smiles and watches her leave, but when Kyoya coughs, he tears his glance away from her legs (not that he'd admit he was watching. Ever.). Kyoya looks almost happy, which is saying something for the boy who usually walks around with a raincloud over his head. He's nearly glowed ever since Yuki said yes. Tamaki doesn't really know Yuki that well, but he owes it to her for making Kyoya so happy. He's been trying to do that for years.

"Yeah, Kyoya?"

"Yune just joined the Black Magic Club."

"WHAAAT?"


	13. Chapter 13: Tenebrous

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 13: Tenebrous

* * *

Yune flops down onto the couch, black DSi at face level, muttering to herself as her fingers punch buttons like crazy. All of the other club members stare at her until she finally glances up and pops her gum.

"What's your damage?"

Yuki doesn't look up from her much-loved Annotated Les Miserables. "One, you're over fifteen minutes late. Two, you have a bright green streak in your hair. Three, you _joined the Black Magic Club_."

"Oh, I'm sorry Mom, I didn't realize I'm not allowed to have friends outside of this lame club! And my hair is freakin' sick. And who cares if I'm late?"

They all just stare at her.

"Are you high or something?" Megan asks finally.

"I wish," Yune mutters, adding a few choice words that are probably too colorful for print.

Yuki stretches and sets her book down. "So how is the Black Magic Club, anyway?"

"CURSED!" Tamaki explodes. "MY DAUGHTER IS CURSED!"

"We're not your daughters!" Yune yells back. "And I'm not cursed!"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Now the twins are running around in circles, occasionally bumping into each other and/or furniture. Tamaki joins their ominous screeches while Yuki tries not to laugh and Yune snorts.

"Y'all are pathetic. Scared of a little emo. You should have seen my old school, we had some hard-cores over there."

Yuki smiles at the memory and Kyoya raises his eyebrows, but Lilly stands and struts across the room to make tea.

"I think it's great you're making new friends," she shoots over her shoulder, "and we should be more accepting of Yune."

"Yeah, that's something you would say," the twins mutter.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you're unfailingly nice, even to the evil forces—"

"Being nice is not a crime and what the heck are 'the evil forces'? You don't honestly believe that that little voodoo doll of his does anything?"

"NEKOZAWA CURSED TAMAKI-SENPAI! NOW HE'S GOING TO CURSE YUNE-CHAN!" Hikaru and Kaoru resume their previous noise.

"Y'all are seriously whacked. Neko's cool, unlike some people I know." Yune storms out of the room and Hikaru stops, looking as if she'd slapped him across the face.

"You don't think… she'd… pick Black Magic Club… over us?" asks Hikaru slowly, but everyone's a little too freaked out to answer.

* * *

Nekozawa is walking down the hallway, cloak hanging over his face to reduce exposure to the sunlight, when he collides with a short, angry figure coming from the opposite direction. He had just been discussing the next ritual with the Black Magic Club's secretary, Emily, and had a lot on his mind…

"Oh, Nekozawa! Fancy seeing you! Just the guy I was looking for." Yune grabs his arm and walks with him, asking him questions about Beelzenef and the usage of sage in summoning rituals. Nekozawa, pleased to have found a fellow soul with which to share his knowledge, doesn't notice the Ouran High School Host Club's members peering at them through a crack in the door to the Third Music Room. Yune, however, sends them an obscene gesture she had picked up in juvie as they walk further down the hallway and out of sight.

"She's doing this intentionally," Yuki hisses to Kyoya, "to piss us off."

"I can't believe she'd do this to me! To us!" Hikaru is pacing the room, and everyone else just backs away, not wanting to get in the way of an angry Hitachiin.

* * *

Yune opens the door the following day and finds it completely dark. No bright light, no flying rose petals, nothing. _I like the Black Magic Club already,_ she thinks, taking her seat. There are quite a few emos, Nekozawa, and some blond chick who looks totally out of place. She's wearing a Harry Potter shirt, purple pants, a scorpion necklace, and has a Kermit puppet on her right arm. She keeps poking Nekozawa.

"Nekozaaaawaaaaa! Kermit wishes to converse on dark matters with Beelzenef!" The Kermit puppet's mouth opens. "Rrrribbit! Rrrribbit!"

"Emily, you know that during meetings—"

"OOH! We can have a puppet show! We can use the summoning table as a stage!"

The members can practically see the anime sweat drop on Yune's face. _Hold on… are they both playing with puppets? Wow. That sounds like Tamaki and Hikaru._

"This is the club secretary Emily. Emily, please set up the candles for today's meeting." Emily begins skipping around and Yune leans back in her chair, wondering if they are going to do some kind of psycho voodoo prayer or something. Hell, she'll try anything once (and then probably twice after forgetting the first time).

Nekozawa keeps looking over to see Yune's reaction. Will she like it? Will she become a permanent member? He makes sure to sit next to her and introduce her to everyone—she seems to be enjoying herself, but how can he be sure?

* * *

"Hey Yune, I have tickets to a Sudden Death concert—would you like to join me?" Nekozawa asks the next day. Yune's still exhausted (she had spent all night telling Kaoru all about the Black Magic Club; Hikaru had come in, heard Nekozawa's name, and spent the night in Kyoya and Yuki's room complaining) so she doesn't reply with much energy.

"Nah, I was actually gonna take Hikaru to that concert—another time, kay?"

He chats with her, overcoming his social awkwardness because he wants her to be happy—she's looking rather down. He doesn't realize she's just tired, not to mention she's just gotten out of kendo club with Mori and had to practice for about three straight hours.

He leaves her at the empty music room, which doesn't hold its normal bustle, only a very pale, dark-eyed Yuki sitting on the couch listening to her iPod. She glances up and smiles tiredly.

"Hey."

"You sound wiped."

"Well, Hikaru decided to have a little sleep-over in my room and wouldn't shut up."

"Oh. Where's everyone else?" wonders Yune.

"In the back room having a 'secret meeting.' I'm here to 'distract you.'" Yuki just rolls her eyes.

"Distract me? From what?"

"The secret meeting, duh."

"Well what's the secret meeting _about_?"

"Well it's a _secret_."

"I see."

"Yep."

"So… can I eavesdrop?"

"I don't know. Do what you want. I'll just go to the bathroom." Yuki snorts and leaves, so Yune presses her ear against the door. Their voices are so loud she didn't even need to, but it makes her feel much cooler to be spying.

"MY DAUGHTER IS GOING TO BE CURSED!" Tamaki yells. Someone hits him, assumedly Lilly, and he stops.

"We have to get her out of there!" Honey says, determined. Mori grunts his agreement.

"How about this: Leave her alone." Katy's voice comes from the other side of the room, and Megan's sound of approval from the same direction. Seems that they are segregated in the room, supporters versus antagonists of the Black Magic Club.

And then, loudest of all, Hikaru says, "It's clear that Nekozawa's going for her heart! We have to get her out before she breaks his heart and he curses us all, or worse, falls for him and deserts us! I even heard him telling his voodoo followers that he was going to ask her to a concert!"

Kyoya (damn bastard) opens the door, revealing Yune eavesdropping. Sure enough, they're all in different groups, with Hikaru ranting in the middle.

"So are you in charge of this ring show, Hikaru?" she asks, hands on her hips. "'We have to get her out'? Consider that maybe I _want_ to be in their club?"

"You don't understand, Nekozawa's going to ask you out! Yune, you can't do this, it's a huge mistake! Can't you see that we're just trying to protect you?"

"_Protect_ me? You're trying to _control_ me! And for your information, Neko _did_ ask me out."

"Whaaaaaat! Then it's already done! How could you do this to the club!" Hikaru shouts. Yune beats his volume.

"The _club_? You don't give a damn about the club, you're freaked out because you're afraid I'm going to say yes! How could you be this selfish? Ever consider that I would say no?"

The angry retort dies on the tip of his tongue. "Wait… you said no? Why?"

"'Cause I got tickets to go to the concert with you, moron."

Hikaru blinks. "Oh… well."

Yuki opens the door, saving them from a very awkward moment, Nekozawa coming in behind her with Emily (and Kermit) trailing after.

"I thought I'd let 'em in." Shrugging, Yuki heads over to Kyoya, who recaps the whole argument quietly.

Yune steps up to Nekozawa, feeling the urge to settle this once and for all. "Neko, you know I'm not into you, right? I can't go out with you, so please stop flirting with me, okay?"

Nekozawa flings himself to the floor in despair before righting himself and whipping out Beelzenef. "You shall forever be cursed! ROT IN THE FIRY PITS OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!" Lightning strikes outside the window and the world explodes in darkness.

Or, that's what everyone thinks will happen. Tamaki even jumps into Lilly's arms like Scooby-Doo, making her fall over backwards.

"Flirting? But I'm going out with Emily," Nekozawa says in real life, raising his eyebrows. Yune scratches the back of her head.

"Oh. Well then."

Emily giggles and waves Kermit, who says "Rrrribbit! Rrrribbit!" before she grabs Nekozawa's hand and pulls him out of the Third Music Room.

"You were really gonna ask me to a concert?" Hikaru asks Yune, ignoring the rest of the club (Megan and Kaoru laughing hysterically, Lilly trying to get Tamaki off of her, Katy explaining the messed up events to a very confused Honey, et cetera). Yune nods.

"Yeah, if you wanna come."

"What concert?"

"Sudden Death."

"I don't think I know that band…"

She wraps her arms around his waist. "You have so much to learn…"

Kyoya pushes his glasses up his nose. "Well. This feels oddly anticlimactic."

"Don't jinx it," Yuki warns, but it's too late. Lightning strikes outside the window and the lights go out, plunging the Third Music Room into darkness. This time Lilly screams and jumps into Tamaki's arms, who miraculously manages to hold her. Yune and Hikaru laugh out loud, Yuki groans and starts looking for a breaker with Kyoya, and Mori takes Katy and Honey's hands. The lights come back on, revealing Megan at the light switch and Kaoru with the noisemaker set on "thunder." They're both laughing maniacally, despite the evil glares from everyone but Yune and Hikaru who're too busy saying "How awesome was that!"

"Okay, no one else say anything, or another disaster might happen. Good night." Yuki and Kyoya walk away and slowly everyone parts ways, though Hikaru and Yune lag behind.

Kaoru turns at the door. "You two coming?"

"Nah. Thought we might… clean something up," Hikaru says. Kaoru snorts.

"Yeah, _cleaning_. You two have fun with that."

"Oh trust me, we will," Yune says with certainty. "Close the door behind you!"


	14. Chapter 14: Sortie

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 14: Sortie

* * *

"Hey, Katy, have you seen Toto?" Lilly asks rather calmly.

"Come to think of it, no, I haven't seen Toto in about… three hours." Katy gestures towards the two small doggie bowls at the foot of Lilly's bed. "He usually is around here somewhere at this time. After all, it _is_ his bedtime. Actually, it's closer to _our _bedtime. Hmm… maybe Yune and Hikaru dognapped him again?"

A look of fury burns in Lilly's eyes as she stomps over to her suitcases, causing Megan to gasp dramatically as she steps through the door, back from her date with Kaoru. "Lilly, what's wrong, girl? You look like Hikaru and Yune stole To…" Katy covers her mouth with an expert swing of her hand.

"Uh, Lilly? I thought that you had emptied your suitcase long ago…" It is Katy's turn to be silenced as Lilly pulls three pairs of jet-black cargo pants, high heel combat boots, and turtlenecks out of a hidden compartment in the bottom of her suitcase. "But… hey! Turtlenecks are sooooo last decade!"

"Katy Burns, Megan Shaft, it's show time, girls."

* * *

"Yes! We did it again!" Hikaru and Yune highfive, Toto snuggled in Yune's other arm. "Your idea of dressing in a girls uniform and leading me through the halls to Lilly's room was a frickin' _awesome _idea!"

"Let's just say that I've gone on multiple missions to their room." Yune smiles, eyes flashing mysteriously.

"Aw, how cute. Looks like the two of you are having a sweet little chat. Sorry to butt in."

Yune and Hikaru spin around at the familiar voice, only catching a glimpse of their attackers before they are out cold.

* * *

"Ha! We got them!" Megan proclaims proudly, standing over the unconscious bodies of Yune and Hikaru.

"Got who?" Yuki asks, returning with Kyoya from a movie. "Why are they on the floor?"

"They took Toto!" Lilly explains.

"Speaking of, where is he?" asks Katy, looking around. Kyoya groans.

"You're kidding me. You lost him… again?"

"I didn't lose him! It's their fault, they had him—"

Yune, being the wonderfully creepy person what she is, revives to contradict Lilly. "Nu uh, you're the one who knocked us out! It's your fault, we had it all under control!"

"Oh, so you're blaming me because you dognapped my dog—"

"It's your fault it went out of control!"

"It's your fault it started!"

"SHUT UP!" yells Megan. "Have any of you thought about the fact that Toto is lost somewhere on campus, scared out of his poor little heart and maybe drowning in a fountain or something?"

"WE HAVE TO FIND MY DOG!" screams Lilly, alerting Tamaki to their "dramatic" situation. He quickly takes control of the disaster, organizing search teams and delivering one of his patented inspirational speeches that no one in the club really listens to. About the time he gets to "We are a team! A family!" they just abandon the whole affair and go off to search for Lilly's tiny terrier.

* * *

Kaoru hands Megan a cup of hot chocolate, and she, after accepting it gratefully, scoots over on the bench to make room for him. He puts an arm around her shoulders and she leans into him, silent for a moment, just watching the courtyard.

"It's gotten chilly," he observes. "It'll snow soon."

"Good. I love snow."

Tamaki and Lilly run by, still searching madly for Toto. Megan snorts at them.

"Idiots."

"But happy idiots."

She smiles softly and lets him take a sip of her hot chocolate. "That they are. Tell me something?"

"Anything."

"What are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you my… boyfriend?"

He snickers, leaning over to be level with her eyes. "Tell me after this." He presses her lips into hers, first passionately, ending with a simple, sweet finish. Megan grins, heart pounding in her chest, Toto's absence and everything completely forgotten for the moment. In his face she sees something more than she had; she sees a future, a loving, happy future.

"I think we might be something more, Kaoru," she whispers. He smiles.

"It's about time you noticed."

* * *

Hikaru receives a hearty slap from Yune, making Mori's eyebrows shoot up. He doesn't ask, but any kind of reaction is as good as question when it comes from Mori. Yune explains, "He just grabbed my ass!"

Mori shrugs and Hikaru grins triumphantly, earning him another slap. Katy shakes her head at the two of them, saying to Honey, "He's so different from his twin now."

"What do you mean?" He's holding her hand, his in a mitten to protect from the biting air.

"They've grown different. They don't rely on each other for company anymore. They have us—Megan, Yune, and all of us—now. They aren't alone."

Honey nods and watches Yune chase Hikaru around with a stick, thinking about how all of them, not just the Hitachiin twins, have changed.

* * *

Lilly screams, making Tamaki jump about fifteen feet in the air. He rights himself as she adds, "There he is! On the fountain!"

Toto is perched on the lip of the fountain, wagging little doggy fanny in the air as he leans in for a drink. Kyoya and Yuki are sitting on either side of him. They're looking at some plan in Kyoya's Black Notebook of Death that looks peculiarly like a map of the Host Club. Before Lilly can think about this at all, however, she charges over to catch her preciously little doggy. Tamaki isn't far behind. Lilly skids to a halt when her shoe comes loose, about a meter from the fountain, and Tamaki isn't ready enough to stop.

Yuki watches as, in slow motion, Tamaki and Lilly topple into Kyoya and send him sprawling into the fountain, the mermaid statue spitting on his head. This wouldn't have been so bad—almost comical, actually—if he didn't pull a sopping wet black notebook out of the water, murderous expression on his face.

Toto leaps into Yuki's arms, away from Kyoya's death glare and drenched Black Notebook of Death.

* * *

"I can't believe Kyoya's making us wash his floor," Lily mutters, dipping her giant yellow sponge into the bucket again. The flying bubbles in Kyoya's giant mansion make her think bizarrely of Disney's Cinderella and starts humming _So This is Love_ before she can help herself. Tamaki grunts his agreement—the two are to spend the weekend playing servant for Kyoya, to pay off the debt of ruining his Black Notebook of Death. He had wanted to murder them, but Yuki had dragged him off and done some kind of magic to make him a little friendlier (three guesses what that could be).

"It _is_ a little unfair," Tamaki says after a minute. "It was an accident, after all."

"Yeah. It was all to save Toto. I'm glad he's okay now. As a matter of fact, I think Katy was going to give him a doggy-spa day today… though that might have just been an excuse to get a manicure…"

Tamaki laughs and they lapse into silence for a moment, trying to get a particularly nasty skid-mark off of Kyoya's expensive tile floor.

"So Tamaki, you wanna get engaged?"

"WHAT?"

Lilly sits up, brushing stray hair behind her ear. "Do you want to get engaged? I mean, we've been going out long enough and I like you a lot, so I think it's a reasonable request."

"But—but—but I'm supposed to ask you! Romantically! Not you asking me on a sudsy floor in Kyoya's house without a ring or any premeditation!"

"Please, Tamaki. Our first date was at Whataburger, our first kiss was in a hotel room in Venice while we were drunk from some demented truth-or-dare with vodka. I don't think this is out of line here." Lilly laughs but Tamaki is thoroughly disturbed by her summary of their relationship.

"Do you not realize how awful this is? This is all wrong, Lilly! I can't believe how awful I've been, I'm so sorry!"

She grabs his shoulders and holds him still until he's silent. "Please get over this. _You aren't perfect._ _No one_ is perfect. _Our relationship_ isn't perfect. I wouldn't _want_ to be in a relationship if it was perfect. So let's get engaged, all right? And let's finish with this floor while we're at it."

Tamaki watches her wash down the floor, occasionally blowing a bubble out of her face and giggling. _Well, _she's_ perfect,_ he thinks. _And I love her._

"What did you just say?"

"What! Did I say that out loud!"

"Did you just say you love me, Tamaki?"

"Wha—What no! No I totally didn't!"

"Well I love you too." She smiles and goes back to humming, and after a moment, Tamaki joins her.

Yuki comes up behind Kyoya, who's watching from a doorway, almost startling him into jumping. She snorts and wraps her arms around his waist. He stops for a moment to kiss her hello and appreciate how wonderful she looks in her bathrobe fresh out of the shower before they turn back to Tamaki and Lilly, who are now flinging wet sponges at each other.

"You made them happy. You gave them the opportunity to say that to each other. Now that I think about it, you authorized the first dates and brought about most of the first kisses of all of us, and now you've gotten these two engaged."

Kyoya shrugs, not really wanting to admit his involvement, but Yuki catches it.

"You're a good person, Ootori Kyoya."

"Well don't tell my dad. He'd probably disown me."

She giggles and kisses him. Lilly and Tamaki are laughing, completely unaware of their presence. Yune and Hikaru are together back in their room, and Kaoru and Megan sit sharing an iPod in the courtyard. Katy is with Mori in the Host Club room, preparing for the next big adventure.

All is right with the world, for this one moment at least.


	15. Chapter 15: Interlude

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 15: Interlude

* * *

Kyoya walks with Yuki down the hallway, talking about their geography assignment. Its refreshing for both of them to remember that they're still in high school—sometimes, with the engagement plans, business figures, and babysitting Tamaki, it seems like they're older than they are. School is, for the first time for both of them, a kind of relaxing medium.

"I think that everyone will do Japan, China, or America… Lily might do England, Tamaki France perhaps, and so forth… perhaps we could do—"

Yuki pulls the door to the Third Music Room open and sees Hikaru and Yune.

Kyoya immediately covers her eyes, but she slaps his hand away. The two are on the couch, lacking some clothing normally accepted as necessary. They finally notice Kyoya and Yuki standing in the doorway, and with a glance around at the clothes-littered floor, Hikaru turns bright red and Yune deathly white.

"Oh—Oh Kyoya! We were just—" Hikaru stutters over his words while trying to cover himself to some level of decency. Kyoya looks at Yuki and back to the couple.

Yuki pulls Kyoya out of the room, her face serious as she says, "I'm going to forget this. Consider it your next ten Christmas presents."

Yune snorts and sends her an obscene hand gesture, which Yuki does not return. Instead she swings the door shut on them, but has one last thing to say through the remaining crack.

"Oh, and by the way: we've found that the couch in the library is much more comfortable than this one."

And then they're gone. Hikaru and Yune look at each other.

"The library?" Yune whispers. Hikaru shrugs.

"Hell, I'd try it."

Yune kisses him. "Fine, but one more minute."

* * *

Tamaki is sitting in Lilly's room, watching Pirates of the Caribbean with all of the girls, wondering what the hell is so freakin' great about freakin' Captain Jack freakin' Sparrow. When he asks, Yune, Megan, and Katy all scream,

"HE'S THE BESTEST HOTTEST MOST AMAZINGEST ACTOR EVER!"

Yuki picks this moment to come in, snorting as Tamaki falls off of his chair. Kyoya rolls his eyes.

"Ooh, good. I love this movie." She shoves Yune off the couch (Yune allows it because she still has the popcorn and is so busy devouring it she hardly notices) and scoots over to make room for Kyoya. Lilly, Megan, and Katy all say hello and go back to watching Orlando Bloom fight Johnny Depp and some other dude on a giant turning wooden wheel.

"Damn Orlando Bloom is hot," Kyoya says, smiling. All five girls (and Tamaki) look at him and begin screaming in laughter. Yuki looks at him, raises an eyebrow, struggling to keep a straight face. He shrugs and winks at her. She hits her fiancé's shoulder and they go back to watching the movie. Yune yells at the other girls (and Tamaki) to shut the hell up because Jack Sparrow's speaking again.

"Oh, by the way, Tamaki, Christmas is coming up soon. Yuki and I decided it would be a good idea to do Secret Santa this year. Just the club."

Tamaki stands up, striking a heroic pose. "That's a great idea! Thank you, Kyoya!"

"What's Secret Santa?" Katy asks innocently, putting a finger to her chin in thought. Yune immediately says,

"It's like the mafia."

"What?"

"Ignore her," everyone says simultaneously. Yune sticks her tongue out at them and they all go back to watching the movie (mainly because Kiera Knightley had come back on).


	16. Chapter 16: Ornamentation

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 16: Ornamentation

* * *

"Almost everyone has gone home for the break," Katy comments. Honey looks up at her.

"Are you going to leave, too?"

"Nah, I'm staying here with the rest of the club. Mom's not going to be home either, anyway, so there's no point." Honey stares at the smiling Katy, wondering if maybe that is why she is so happy. She was always alone as a child, and doesn't want to be any longer, so she would always make people want to be around her…

Mori comes up and interrupts Honey's thoughts with a lollipop. Katy grins as Honey attacks it, and Mori stares at him with his usual Mori-like expression.

"Honey, it's time for Karate Club. Can you go by yourself?"

"Of course, Takashi! On my way!" He blasts off, making rocket noises as he runs. Katy and Mori shake their heads in unison.

"What are we going to do with him?" wonders Katy. Mori shrugs. They look at each other and out of the window of the east wing, where they were decorating for Christmas, under Tamaki's orders.

"Hey look," says Katy. "It's snowing."

* * *

"Sweetie, where is my coat? I know I left it here somewhere." Yuki and Kyoya are alone in the library, reading quietly and occasionally doing some figures for the club next semester. "It's awful outside."

"A little too awful," says Kyoya, who pulls a curtain aside. "Look. A snowdrift is building."

"Oh damn. I guess we'll just be stuck in the library until it melts."

They look at each other, out at the rising wall of snow, and head back to their books.

* * *

"How the hell are we stuck in the science lab! There are no comfortable surfaces in here!" Hikaru bangs his head against the wall, wishing that he were anywhere but in the damn science lab. Anywhere at all. Except the library. That would be the worst ever.

"We can make do," Yune says, hands on her hips. "Let's light a fire first though. It's gonna get cold. And besides, I kinda wanna use my lighter."

* * *

"Well, look at that. It's snowing." Tamaki has been searching his father's office for gum and Lilly tagged along just to see him act so goofy—he has some in his pocket, after all.

"It's more than snowing! It's a freakin' lanslide! Run for your life!" Lilly laughs. "I guess we're stuck here. How do I turn the heater on?"

"I dunno," Tamaki says, and they both begin yelling at the little box on the wall until one of them (Lilly) gets the brains to flip the switch over to the "heat" side.

* * *

"Hey Megan, what are we doing in the greenhouse again?" Kaoru calls. He's a little bit weirded out by the endless walls of plants and heating lamps… and the glass roof makes him feel a bit like a goldfish….

"Tamaki told us to come check on his potato head…" She groans. "Oh look, it's dead. Bloody moron can't even grow a potato."

"Hey, growing potatoes is hard work! I slaved after mine day and night!" She gives him the you're-an-idiot look and he finishes, "In kindergarten."

Megan grins and hits his shoulder. "Where's my coffee, huh?"

"Oh right, we should go get some!" The walk hand-in-hand to the door. Kaoru pulls on the handle, opening the door—_hmm, when did it turn white?—_and they're both covered in a waterfall of snow.

"You're an idiot," Megan says after spitting out a snowman's worth of slush.

They both look at the wall of snow that now takes the place of a door. Megan whispers, "Guess we're stuck in the greenhouse."

"No! I _hate_ plants!"

* * *

Katy giggles. "How romantic is this! Blocked into a completely empty wing!" She continues lighting candles, spinning around, humming to herself. "This is the best thing ever! I feel like I'm in a movie."

Mori catches both of her wrists, taking the match from her fingers in a smooth, quick motion. They stand there for a moment. "You're going to set the completely empty wing on fire if you keep dancing with a match."

"Dancing! That's what this is like!" She looks at how they're standing. "Dancing in the candlelight… I think we've stepped into a movie, Mori!"

He looks down at her, his perfect white angel, so thin and blond, big eyes reflecting dozens of candles (which could at any moment fall and set everything on fire).

"This is where the heroine says, 'But Mori, there isn't any music,'" he prompts, and she giggles.

"But Mori, there isn't any music."

In a very Tamaki-ish voice, Mori replies, "Let us dance to the music that is in our hearts!"

Both of them break down laughing and Katy even has to sit down. When she's fully recovered—Mori makes sure—she looks at him.

"Ya know, Mori," says Katy to her stoic boyfriend, "you can actually be a little funny."

"Don't tell my mother," he says seriously. Katy laughs and he smiles, then stands up to put out at least ten of those dangerous candles.

* * *

Yuki looks up at Kyoya from her History of Kendo Volume II. "I want to get married as soon as I'm out of high school."

"The sooner the better. My father's already asking if we've named our first kid."

She smiles. "You want kids?"

He thinks about it for a minute, staring down at his book. "Yes. Definitely. Two, maybe, or more."

"I'm up for that."

"A girl, I think. And an older brother for her."

"He could take up the business after you retire, if he wants."

"And maybe she could, if he doesn't. He could want to go into the arts, maybe."

"And when we're old and they're on their own, we can travel the world. We could keep in touch and go wherever we please. Greece, maybe, and Peru—I've always wanted to see Machu Picchu…" Yuki grins.

Kyoya laughs. "And when we're too old to travel we can just stay in an old retirement home and read and play chess and scare little children until we die."

"Together," Yuki finishes.

"Together."

Yuki's smile fades.

"That is, if I ever even get out of high school…"

"What do you mean?"

"Yune and I are in debt. We came as boys because we couldn't get complete scholarships; how will we manage another year? It was hard enough keeping our secret this year… And now, with engagements and boyfriends and all of this mess, how will we even stay? We'll have to go back to public school… and we're still indebted to you, of course…"

"Indebted to me?"

"Yes. I broke that vase."

Kyoya waves a hand. "Do you think that matters now?"

"Yes." She's got that stubborn look on her face, so he just lets it go, instead replying,

"I can't read anymore. I think we'll have to find some place to sleep…"

"There are those couches. Those are comfy." Yuki wiggles her eyebrows and he laughs, taking her hand, spinning her around.

"Don't get too eager, dear. We have our whole lives ahead of us."

She kisses his cheek. "You're probably the best man on earth. In the history of mankind."

"Only probably?"

"Well, if you were _the_ best man on earth, you'd let me have the bigger couch…"

"Well then, I am the best man on earth. In the history of mankind. Remember that when we're old."

Yuki kisses him. "I will. Now go to bed, you idiot."

"Sweet dreams, dearest."

* * *

Yune sits against the table, leaning her forehead against the cool table. "God, Hikaru… I feel sick…"

"You okay?" Hikaru hands her a cup of water from the sink, feeling her forehead. "God, you're burning up."

"I feel gross. I think I might… throw up…" She covers her mouth with gloved hands, but it doesn't stop it from spewing out all over Hikaru's lap. Yune groans.

"I'm so sorry, Hikaru—"

He grimaces. "No, it's fine. It just got my shirt… and my jacket…"

She lies down as he washes his shirt and jacket rigorously and leaves them in the sink. "It kinda smells a little," he comments, then laughs. She groans at his bizarreness.

"Feeling any better?" Holding her steady, Hikaru pulls her up on the table, moving the fire blanket they had found in the safety kit under her to keep her comfortable. She snorts.

"No. I still threw up on you. How embarrassing is that? I bet Yuki never throws up on Kyoya…"

"Am I Kyoya in this comparison? Why can't I be Yuki? I'd rather be Yuki."

"But Yuki and I are identical twins, I get to play Yuki!"

"But you're smarter than me, so you should play Kyoya."

"No, I think you're much more suited…"

"No, I insist…"

Yune laughs and Hikaru wraps an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm tired, Hikaru," she tells him. He nods and moves her so she's lying next to him, cuddled up against his side. He folds the fire blanket over them and kisses the top of her head, watching her eyes close, looking so vulnerable he can't recognize her for a minute.

"You're really warm, Hikaru," Yune says. He smiles.

"Actually, I think you're the warm one. You made me wash my shirt, remember? You've got the jacket…"

"I'm sorry, Hikaru…"

"It's all right, Yune. Go to sleep. I love you."

"I love you too…"

* * *

Tamaki is freaking out a little. "What are we going to do? What if someone was stuck out in the snow! We should go help them, Lilly! There are citizens in need!"

He trips over the carpet on the way to the door and Lilly giggles.

"Tamaki, chill. No one's in the snow. You'd just freeze if you went out there. Here, have some hot chocolate." She hands it to him and he takes it, sinking down onto the floor.

"Well at least my dad has a microwave and stuff," he mutters, taking a big gulp. She grins at him.

"My phone isn't getting an signal and the building phone line is disabled. I guess we won't be able to call for help or anything. Might as well just hang here."

"Where are we going to sleep?" Tamaki asks suddenly, eyes getting a little panicky again. She snorts.

"The couch."

"We both can't fit on the couch! Here, I'll let you have it, I can sleep on the floor—"

"Move, Tamaki."

"But—"

"Move it!"

He scuttles out of the way and she presses a button on the couch. It springs out into a full-sized bed before his eyes, making his jaw drop.

"Wait… how did you…"

"Oh look, there are sheets in the cabinet. How lovely."

"The wonder of commoners shall never cease…"

"It's a fold-out couch. Everyone knows how to work a fold-out couch."

"I don't know how to work a fold-out couch!"

In the next fifteen minutes, Lily demonstrates in painstaking detail how a fold-out couch operates. Tamaki's eyes light up like a little kid when he finally does it himself, making her laugh again.

"You're such an idiot," she tells him, pulling sheets over the bed.

"I am not an idiot!" He trips and falls again, landing face down on the mattress. He looks up, still keeping his dignified face, saying, "That is a rather soft mattress."

Lily rolls her eyes at him. "Go to bed, you moron."

"I'm not a moron!"

"Don't fall over, now. You might hurt yourself this time."

* * *

Megan and Kaoru lie side by side on the floor in the greenhouse, watching the snow fall and catch on the glass roof before melting away. They each have an earbud in, the iPod alternating between show tunes, classical and some punk rock band that both of them found they enjoyed. Whenever they see a pattern in the falling snow they point it out to each other—Megan had seen a snake and a person, and Kaoru had seen a bunny and a pie. They both lie there, still, listening to music, not bothered at all by the snow or the occasionally blinking warming lamps.

"Megan, will you go get us some more water? I need to stretch my legs."

"Yeah, sure." Kaoru watches her leave, then reaches into his pocket, looking up at the sky again. "Hey God… please let this go well… I know it's kinda goofy to be praying, but hey, if anything will help…"

"Who are you talking to?" She sets the glasses down on the ground and brushes some dirt off of her jeans.

"No one," he says immediately, and stands. Megan raises an eyebrow at his weird behavior.

"Hey Megan… umm… We've been going out for a bit, and I've liked you for a long time, and… uh…"

Megan's eyebrow rises higher as he drops to one knee, holding her hand.

"I… wanted to know if maybe… you'd like to get engaged. And get married. To me."

"Oh, to you? I thought we were still talking about Orlando Bloom."

Kaoru smiles and hands her the ring. "Sorry if this is a little weird, asking you in a greenhouse…"

"We'll remember it when we're old and weird," Megan promises, putting the ring on her finger. "It's pretty."

"Yeah, it was my Mom's. And her Mom's before her. And so on. She didn't have a daughter to pass it on to, so she gave it to me… actually, now that I think about it, I don't know how a wedding ring passed through the women of the family…"

Megan snickers. "I like it."

"So do I."

They lie back down on the ground, each sipping their water. They don't say anything; they don't feel like they need to.

"Oh look… a turnip!" Kaoru cries, pointing at the ceiling. Megan rolls her eyes at him and turns the iPod back on.

* * *

All of them trudge back to their dorms the next morning, all of their feet getting stuck in the snow, but managing to make it nonetheless. Yune comes into Yuki's room, finding all of the other girls in there too, talking about the Secret Santa plans.

"Good morning," Yune says. They all give her a funny look and she says, "Okay, so I was sniffing those markers again…"

They all grin and shake their heads at her. She sits down and they all talk, all share, all laugh. Megan looks at the window and, without meaning to, yells, "Oh look, a heart!"

They all follow her finger to a little heart of frost on the glass of the window. "Sure enough," Yuki says.

"It's good luck," Katy tells them.

"I hope so," says Lilly.

"I don't need luck," Yune declares.

"Everybody needs luck sometimes," Megan mutters, and they all go back to their plans.


	17. Chapter 17: Proffer

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 17: Proffer

* * *

Yuki pulls a name out of the hat, the last one. The others glance at their notes and shove them into their pockets, Tamaki making sure that no one cheated and saw his. Yuki's reads _Honey_, which will be fairly simple. He makes his tastes very clear.

The next day, the group makes their way by commoner bus (at Tamaki's request and by Kyoya's money) to the commoner mall. Kyoya and Yuki head off together, naturally, and Yune with Hikaru and Kaoru. The three other girls run off together giggling, leaving a certain hyper blond with a stoic tall man and a not-quite-little-kid hugging a bunny.

Kyoya has made a list, which he pulls from his pocket and hands to Yuki. She digests it quickly, pushing her reading glasses up her nose.

"Well, these pairs all seem fitting. Did you organize the drawings?"

"No, it was chance. But it did come out nicely, didn't it?"

"So you're my Secret Santa. Telling me is cheating." She sticks her tongue out at him.

He pulls her into a deep, passionate kiss in the middle of the packed commoners' mall, the place where Yuki used to work and Yune used to blow their money constantly. The place they would meet up with old friends and scare little kids by making funny faces at them and listen to heavy metal through pink flower-sticker covered iPods. Back when their lives were ironic and full of simple carefree hopes and kisses and flings and parties and life.

Now she has something better.

He breaks it off finally, tucking her hair behind her ear. It has begun to grow out by now, and he hopes that she won't cut it off. Kyoya thinks it's beautiful short, but he doesn't want to see her put on the brave face of a boy just to stay with him. For some reason, it seems like too much for him.

If only he had some way to fix it.

He smiles, glasses glinting.

"Sorry for cheating. Merry Christmas."

* * *

On the other side of the mall, Yune buys a Gatorade from the machine and tosses it to Hikaru.

"Open."

"Yes ma'am," he mutters, and begins banging it against a table. Kaoru takes it, opens it easily with one hand, and gives it back to her. She nods gratefully and rolls her eyes at her goof of a boyfriend.

"So you and Megan are engaged," Hikaru says again.

"Yep. She's wearing Mom's ring."

"Wait, how come you got Mom's ring?"

"Cuz I'm her favorite!"

"Or maybe she thought you were the most girl-like!"

Yune lets them bicker, slowly leading them to Hot Topic. Hopefully one of them would be her Secret Santa and get the hint. Now if only her little victim would give her a hint of his own…

* * *

Megan, Katy and Lilly all recheck their notes, looking at each other, wanting to know the others' but not wanting to share. So they stare at each other, shrug, and go back to shopping for shoes. According to Katy, a girl can never have too many shoes. Lilly already has a bunch of shoes. Megan prefers flip-flops.

"Who do you have?" Megan whispers to Katy, deciding she can trust her. Katy holds up a note that says _Tamaki_.

"I have Lilly," Megan says, brain whirling. _So… Tamaki and Lilly…_

"A joint present," they say at once.

"One they can both use," Megan adds.

"One that will make them both happy," agrees Katy.

"A condom?" Megan giggles. Katy grins and gets serious again.

"No—I'm thinking… I'm thinking…" Katy whispers in Megan's ear until Megan's eyes shine like Christmas lights.

* * *

Tamaki immediately shares his person out loud. Mori nods and Honey says, "Ooh, what are you going to get him?"

"I'm thinking… a book!" Tamaki is about to get up on a table but Mori pulls him down by the back of his shirt and instead takes him to the pet store with Honey, who wants to see if they still have the bunnies he held with Yuki that first time when she was still… girlish.

* * *

Honey's bed is nicely made, as always, when he comes into his joint room with Mori. But on his comforter, sitting next to Usa-chan, is a new blue bunny with a bow on her head, of the same make as Usa-chan, but not nearly as worn and loved. On the nightstand is a collection of cakes and cookies, with a neatly typed note: _For_ _Honey. Love, your Secret Santa. Fun fact: Your bunnies and I now have something in common—two different faces that look a little similar and a little different. And put together, we have the same number of eyes too._

He giggles. So it must be Yuki. She could be so silly sometimes. He should send her a thank-you cake, he thinks as he snuggles his new bunny and bites into a star-shaped cookie.

* * *

Mori comes out of practice with Yune, thirsty and sweating from their workout. Damn that girl was tough. Good opponent. The two were beginning to know each other's fighting styles and predict the other's movements, which made everything infinitely more difficult to win.

Next to his bag and water is a shinai, beautiful in an ebony case. He picks it up, unsheathes it; perfect. And there, on the handle, is a minute bunny engraving.

Honey was never good at Secret Santas.

* * *

Katy opens her desk drawer to find a wonderfully wrapped blue box. In all of about two seconds the cover is torn off and in the garbage and she's holding a gorgeous necklace, the most beautiful thing she's ever seen. It's green and blue and pink and all colors of the rainbow, but white at the same time, and it sparkles and reflects the light from her window onto her face.

"Don't wear it too much, it might get dull. And I think the back is magnetic. So don't go near any powerful magnets. Love, your Secret Santa, who's been told he's 'overprotective' (and sometimes very funny)"

"He's such a dear," she sighs, content, tucking away the note. So what if it wasn't the most secretive thing ever? Who needs secrets? "I think we should get engaged," says Katy to herself, looking at his handwriting and just seeing him writing this to her.

* * *

Kaoru has a package taped to his door. Or it was. Now it's lying on the floor because it was too heavy to be taped with normal tape, and there's a huge strip where the wrapping paper had come off when the present fell.

"Tamaki's an idiot." He picks it up, not even going inside to open it. Megan snorts and looks over his shoulder, expecting it to be something like a picture of Tamaki he's supposed to hang on his wall to remember him always.

"A book?" Megan asks, not believing her eyes. Kaoru doesn't know what to say, so he flips it over to read the title.

"Holy shit," he mutters as he looks at it. Megan takes one glance and breaks down laughing.

"Flirting for Dummies! Ha! Hahaha! I don't even think I have to make fun of you for that one!" She grins and takes it, flipping to a random page.

"'How to be sexy,'" she reads. Kaoru is still in shock from the fact that Tamaki sent him a flirting book. For dummies. When he has a fiancé. And had made better grades on every midterm this year.

"'One—never pick your nose or do anything unhygienic. Girls find that very unappealing.' Oh, Kaoru, you'd better stop picking your nose. I might dump you." She cracks up again, handing the book back to him.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny," he mutters, looking pouty enough for his girlfriend to kiss him to make him feel better. (And it does.)

* * *

On Megan's dresser are beautiful carnations and a note with a sweet poem on it. Because it's typed, she can't analyze the handwriting, and because she doesn't know any poetry, she doesn't know if it's a famous one or if it's her Secret Santa's invention. Either way, she loves it. And of course she knows who it's from, but she doesn't want to give it up so easily. For all she knew, it could still be Lilly. Lilly has a thing for poetry.

* * *

"Hey Yuki," Lilly calls in the library. Yuki is reading a book of poetry, which strikes Lilly as odd, because hadn't Megan asked her about romantic poems just a few minutes earlier? No matter.

"Yes?"

"What do you think Kyoya wants? I mean, I don't really know him all too well… and you're his girlfriend, so…"

"Ah, so you got him. I was wondering about that. I'd suggest something simple that he can use. Not a black notebook, he's already attached to his new one. I'd say a computer. Or a cell phone, he's complaining about his current one."

"Okay, thanks so much." Lilly beams and dashes back out.

* * *

On Kyoya's desk is a perfect new black phone. Yuki snickers when she sees it and Kyoya grins.

"Well, yours was Honey, so you must have given Lilly advice. Oh look, it's the make I wanted, too." He laughs.

"Pretend you don't know. Telling you would be cheating."

"Oh, I see. Don't worry, I won't tell."

* * *

Yune hands Hikaru a box, trying to keep a straight face. "It's from your Secret Santa. But don't ask, 'cause I can't tell you who she is. She told me not to tell."

"Oh, I see." He rips the newspaper off in one motion, looking at it. "What is it?"

"A bomb set. I thought maybe we could blow something up." She grins wickedly and he laughs.

"Great! Thanks so much, Secret Santa!"

"Shh, it's supposed to be a secret!"

"Oh. Sorry."

"Oh, and I got yours too. Thanks." Snickering, Yune pulls the taser out of her back pocket. "I really needed one of these for Tamaki."

"How did you know it was me?"

She stares at him for a minute. "It's got 'I love you – Hikaru' monogrammed onto it."

"Damn! I knew that would give me away!"

"You're really an idiot, you know."

"But you love me, right?"

"Right. I love you. Even if you are an idiot."

* * *

"What did you get?" Lilly asks Tamaki. He holds up a white envelope.

"Plane ticket, of all things."

"Really? Me too! To where?"

"France. Where my mom is."

Lily blinks. "Mine is to France too. And it came in an envelope just like that."

"We have the same Secret Santa!" Tamaki yells, as if this would destroy the game completely. Lilly hurries to soothe him.

"No, no, our Secret Santas just worked together, silly. So it must be Katy and Megan. How sweet of them! The flights are for the summer—they want us to go see your mom! Awww! I love them so much!" She hugs the tickets and then Tamaki.

"Will you go with me? We can finally do something romantic together," she jokes, and he laughs, and then they walk to the Third Music Room together hand in hand.

* * *

Megan's locker holds a book and a charm bracelet with a heart, a dove, and a turnip, which would be weird but she finds it cute and funny. The book is the last in a set she and Kaoru have been reading—is he trying to make it so obvious? Probably. Just an excuse to shower her with gifts.

"Thanks."

"How'd you know I was here?" He's behind her, watching her smile at his little bracelet that now dangles from her wrist.

"I could smell you. Is that weird?"

"A little," admits her fiancé, "but that's what I love about you."

"I love your presents. They're so… I don't know. Meaningful. Sweet. Thoughtful. But I never knew you were into poetry."

"Actually, I had Yuki look up a good one. Is that rude to admit? That I asked another girl to look up good poetry for you? 'Cause next time I'll do it myself. But she seemed happy to spend more time in the library, so…"

She hits his shoulder happily. "No prob. Might as well let her be happy, huh?"

"Yep. Oh, Tamaki says it's time to the Host Club room to share our Secret Santas. Of course, everyone already knows theirs… except maybe Tamaki… though Lilly probably told him."

"It was Katy," Megan shares. "I was Lilly's. We got them tickets to meet Tamaki's mom, which, trust me, was hard work. I mean, I had to click the mouse like eight times. And then hook up the printer. It was crazy. I was sweating like a pig from all that effort."

"That's a pretty picture," Kaoru says between laughs. They head to the Host Club room, laughing all the way.

* * *

"Kyoya," Yuki says when asked who her Secret Santa was. "We're getting married. I don't need a present."

"Cheapskate," Yune hisses at Kyoya, who ignores her.

"Honey, who was yours?" Tamaki is enjoying this.

"Yuki! She got Usa-chan a girlfriend and a bunch of cake for all of us." He beams and Yuki pulls him onto her lap, hugging him close like a little kid. He likes it.

"And Mori?"

"Honey. He got a shinai for me. With which I will beat Yune's ass."

"You try it!" she yells, standing on her chair. Hikaru pulls her back down.

"And Katy?"

"Mori was mine. See, look! Isn't it pretty?" Everyone _oohs_ and _ahhs_ over her necklace, and then Tamaki returns to business.

"My Secret Santa was Katy! She got me and Lilly a plane ticket to France! Although, I guess it was Megan who got Lilly's. But mine was Katy."

"You were mine," Kaoru mutters, puffing hair out of his eyes with an angry breath. "You got me a flirting book."

"Did you read it?" Tamaki says, getting that hopeful look in his eyes. Kaoru coughs and Megan saves him.

"Kaoru was mine! And I was Lilly's, as Tamaki said. Who was Kyoya's?"

"Lilly. With a phone." He holds it up quickly and goes back to fiddling with it.

"Hikaru and I had each other. I got him a bomb set and he got me a monogrammed taser."

Everyone sits in silence, thinking about the end of the world and how they should all write their wills right now so that when they're all killed in a bombing their affairs are all in order.

"So that's that," Yuki says. "We can finally move on to real Christmas. But you know what? I think we shouldn't get each other physical presents. I think we should all just be here together and think about what we have, not what we want. How's that?"

"Good plan," everyone agrees. (Except for Yune, who says, "But I love presents!" and is generally ignored.)

* * *

Kyoya approaches Hikaru afterwards, leaning against the wall. "Hikaru. We need to talk."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Yuki and Yune might not be able to come next year."

"What?"

"With the debt and the scholarship, it's unlikely that they will stay at Ouran starting next semester."

"Well then let's—let's—"

Kyoya smiles. "Exactly what I was thinking."

* * *

Yuki and Yune are listening to music in Kyoya and Yuki's room when they find them, relaxed with their eyes closed.

"What do you want, Kyoya?" Yune demands.

"We need to talk, Yune," Hikaru replies, making her eyes pop open. She sits up.

"What's up?"

"We're going to pay off your debts," Hikaru says. "All of them."

Yuki snorts. "No you're not. We don't need your help."

"Yuki. Look at me." Kyoya sits down next to her, at her eye level, and runs a hand through her hair. "I love you." (Hikaru and Yune make gag faces at each other.) "I really, truly love you. And I want to spend forever with you. What's mine is yours, as soon as we get married. So I don't see why we should wait. I want to help you. You don't need to repay me. I want to do this for you. You're my wife—please, please let me help you."

"Yeah… what he said," Hikaru mutters to Yune, who grins and punches his shoulder.

Yuki frowns at him. "I—I really don't…"

"Come on, Yuki. You can't fix the world yourself." Yune winks at her and Yuki sighs.

"I suppose you're right. But Kyoya, I do need a way to repay you."

He kisses her, making Yune groan and turn away. It lasts for a long moment, during which she and Hikaru make general disgusted faces and some offensive gestures, before he pulls away and whispers, "You just did."

She laughs and kisses him again.

"I think it's time we left," Hikaru says, opening the door for her. "Although, if you wanna try what they're doing, that would be great…"

Yune snickers. "Let's get at least a few feet away from my sister before you say that, please?"


	18. Chapter 18: Dubiety

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 18: Dubiety

* * *

Christmas passes slowly and quietly. They all spend the day together, just laughing and talking about their electives for next semester. It strikes Megan as a little odd that they are all so close now—that they can all sit in a room together and never run out of things to say. It strikes her as odd to think that she will know these people, not just for the next few years, but for the rest of her life.

It's snowing again when Lilly steps outside in her matching hat and mittens, but not like snowdrift of a few days ago. This snow falls in sweet flakes that catch on her nose and tongue, making her giggle. She sees Megan and Kaoru sharing hot chocolate and an iPod on a bench; Mori and Katy are making snow angels; Tamaki is caught in the middle of a heated snowball fight between Yuki, Yune, Hikaru, and Kyoya. She laughs.

"Oh, hey, Lilly! Come over here!" Tamaki waves like a lunatic, as if she can't see him. She rolls her eyes and joins them, actually managing to hit Yune once before getting knocked over by an impeccably timed shot by Hikaru (who normally could only hit the sides of buildings. On a good day.).

Honey pops up out of a snowdrift, making Katy scream and Mori laugh. "We should play hide-and-seek!" the small blond yells, kicking snow and making it fly all over the place. Kaoru and Megan look up, realizing that someone is talking, and Yuki nods.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun! Tamaki can count!"

Everyone takes off running in many different directions before Tamaki can protest. He sits down and pouts for about thirty seconds before forgetting why, grinning, and beginning the countdown from fifty.

* * *

Yuki and Kyoya are sitting on the ground behind an arbor, having a hushed debate and practicing their Latin alternatively, and occasionally in combination. Of course, having debates in Latin is not the greatest hide-and-seek tactic, so Tamaki manages to find them.

"I found you!" he yells, pointing.

"I see that," replies Kyoya.

"So now you have to help me!"

"No we don't. That's in sardines," Yuki informs him. "We'll just wait in the main courtyard for you wrap it up. Text us when you're done."

They walk off hand in hand and Tamaki pouts for a few seconds before tearing off to find someone else.

* * *

Yune and Hikaru end up running straight into each other in the maze, and between the two, they discover that they have twelve and a half matches. So they light a fire, and since that's fun, they put it out and light it again. Now they have ten and a half matches, and, since matches are fun to make little houses out of and smash, in about ten seconds they're down to zero and a half matches, and since half matches are no good, they throw it away and then they have zero matches.

"Aww shit, now what are we gonna do?" Hikaru wonders. Tamaki pops around a corner, having seen the smoke from their fire, which, by the way, is also not a brilliant hide-and-seek tactic.

"I found you!" he yells, pointing.

"No shit," replies Yune.

"So now you have to help me!"

"Hell no, I'm not helping you!" She snorts. "We'll go find Yuki and hang out with them. Later."

The wander away in a random direction and Tamaki stomps frantically on their fire before tearing off to find someone else.

* * *

Kaoru and Megan are hiding up in a tree, occasionally making comments to each other such as "Oh my, what fun" and breaking up in laughter. Megan drops the iPod Kaoru climbs down to get it, accidentally catching his foot and ending up upside down, which supplies for a bit of entertainment for Megan. But eventually, they're just sitting in a tree, waiting for Tamaki to run by underneath them so that they can laugh. Unfortunately, hiding in a leafless tree in the middle of winter, once again, isn't an amazing hide-and-seek tactic. Tamaki runs under, trips over a root, and looks up.

"I found you!" he yells, pointing.

"Congrats," replies Kaoru.

"So now you have to help me!"

"No thanks. It's actually rather comfortable up here," Megan deadpans. "Maybe we'll just hang out up here. You go on ahead."

Tamaki stands there staring at them for a minute before tearing off to find someone else.

* * *

Mori and Katy are probably the only ones who actually know how to properly play hide-and-seek. They are being completely still and quiet behind a row of bushes, not being conspicuous at all. Their one mistake is Katy's sweater, which is bright red. Not a great hide-and-seek outfit. Tamaki sees it, thinks it could be a fox (what the hell goes on in that poor boy's head?) and peers over.

"I found you!" he yells, pointing.

"Hmm," replies Mori.

"So now you have to help me!"

"Sorry, I have to change. My sweater's dirty." Katy points to a single speck of dirt, which Mori brushes off, and she grins. "We'll catch ya later!"

They walk off side-by-side and Tamaki stands around, wondering what to do, before tearing off to find the only two players left over.

* * *

Tamaki is wandering around hopelessly when he hears Lilly yelling.

"Tamaki? Tamaki, where are you!"

"Lilly, I'm supposed to be looking for you!" he tells her. Silly Lilly, didn't know how to play hide-and-seek.

"Oh, really. I had no idea. Well, I thought you could use some help, so about two minutes in I started looking for you. You're awfully hard to find."

His face lights up. "Really?"

"Yeah, totally. Let's go to the others, kay? They're all hanging out in the main courtyard waiting around for you."

* * *

"Hey guys," Megan says when she sees them meander over. "Sup?"

The sun is setting, and Katy is so distracting in her vain attempts to beat him in thumb war that Mori doesn't notice until Kyoya says, "It's getting late," that Honey isn't with them.

"Where is Honey?" he says. A silent moment passes until all of them tear off to look for him before the sun sets and he has to find his way back on his own.

"Honey! Honey, where are you?" Yune yells. "Honey! This isn't funny anymore!"

"Where are you, Honey? I have some cake!" says Katy.

"Honey, please! We're all really worried," Lilly pleads.

"Game's over, Honey! You can come on out! You're the last one!" Yuki tries.

"Come on, Honey. Where are you?" calls Megan.

"It's no use," Kyoya says eventually.

Yuki replies angrily in Latin, which Megan is able to translate (and censor) loosely into, "We can't give up, you blankety blank blank!"

"Calm down, love. We aren't giving up. There's a note."

"Oh… well then. What does it say?"

He pulls a note off of a bench, reading it out loud.

"'We have Mitsukuni Haninozuka. If you ever want to see him again, bring one hundred million yen in cash to the construction site north of the school.'"

Kyoya looks up and all eyes flicker to Mori. "We have the money."

"No need," Mori says slowly, looking at Yune. "They can't threaten us."

"Hell yeah! Let's take 'em down!"

They all stand in silence for a moment, staring at the note in Kyoya's hand, trying to feel confident.

"I'll go make plans," Kyoya whispers, and they all file back into the school building.


	19. Chapter 19: Confrontation

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 19: Confrontation

* * *

They are large men, powerful, eight of them total. Yune associates with the type that used to be bodyguards for that bastard who used to be her father. They have a few big dogs, which she hadn't counted on. Oh well. At least she is wearing her kickass leather boots.

"You have the money?" one of them asks, and Katy busts out laughing. Lilly grabs her mouth hastily.

"Sorry, that just sounded so… so…" she says between hysterical giggles. Mori hadn't wanted any of them to come—just him and Yune. But somehow Kyoya had used giant words and logical reasoning to convince him to let him and Yuki come, and it was just downhill from there.

"Yes, we do," Tamaki says calmly, more calmly than he felt. "But we'd like Honey first."

Yuki looks around, analyzing their surroundings. She previously had no idea this site even existed; apparently, the school gets its energy from a nearby dam that transferred the mechanical energy from the water into electrical energy. Over winter break, the dam was undergoing reconstruction—a large crane towers over them as they stand atop the dam (they had been hesitant to go up there at first, but the location on the note was very specific: _On top of the dam_). Yuki doesn't know how this could be used to their advantage, and, quite honestly, she is finding it hard to think over the roar of the water on the other side of the dam.

"Money first."

"Let us see him, at least. I'd hate to give you the money only to discover you already disposed of him," Tamaki replies. Mori stiffens at the words. "That would go very badly for you."

"Please. You are children."

"And you're an old man!" Yune yells at him. Mori holds her back with an arm and she glares at him.

Honey is tied up, looking really bored and a little bit scared. "Oh good, Takashi. I bet Usa-chan is getting lonely already. And these men are mean!"

"Give us Honey and we'll give you the money."

"Money first."

"Too bad. I guess you won't get it then." Tamaki shrugs and shoulders the briefcase. Kaoru looks frightened out of his mind, so Megan reaches for his hand. He smiles weakly at her.

"At the same time, then."

"Deal." Tamaki smiles. "Mori, Yune. Don't drop it."

Yune grabs the suitcase. "Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties in a wad."

Yune is actually thinking, for perhaps the ninth time in her entire life. There are eight men, two dogs. Eleven kids, three with fighting capabilities, one tied up. Say she takes down two, Mori two—that's four. Megan, Katy and Lilly could take one; Kaoru and Hikaru could take one; maybe Tamaki and Kyoya could take one? Mori and her each took a dog. And Yuki? She wouldn't get her hands dirty with this… So that's what, seven and two dogs? That's the best-case scenario. She'd need a better plan…

Mori hands the men the briefcase and shoulders Honey before the men can react. Yune cuts the rope with her omnipresent knife, freeing Honey. Now they can take them… can't they? Honey could take two minimum.

"Not so fast," the man says, pulling a gun. "We're checking the money."

Now they definitely can't take them. The men has a gun. Dammit, and Mori had taken _her_ gun away! Now what?

Yune throws up her arms and runs in the opposite direction, grabbing Hikaru and taking him with her. Tamaki watches with astonishment. "She's… running away?"

Yuki snickers and pushes her glasses up her nose. Mori tries to smack the gun away, but doesn't manage to do much, just diverts the bullet from Honey. In all of a few seconds a full brawl has broken out between Mori, Honey and the men. On a good day, they would be down in no time at all, but Honey has had no food for twenty-four hours and Mori hasn't eaten from worry and, quite frankly, it's been a bad day. And the men have dogs. Mori kicks one off of the side, wincing at his scream, regretting it, but receiving a punch and returning it swiftly to divert his mind from… well… murder. Honey gives one a roundhouse kick to the head and he collapses like a sack of bricks.

"Get off the dam," Yuki whispers so quietly that only Kyoya hears her. He looks around, confused, not doing anything.

"Get off the dam!" she screams desperately. "Now!"

In a frantic rush, they all manage to get off—Mori scooping Katy and Honey up in one arm and diving off to the side—

Before the wrecking ball on the crane slams into the dam and sends the whole thing tumbling down.

"Oh my God," Tamaki whispers. Water rushes by with astonishing force. Whoops and hollers are heard from the crane over the crashes of the currents. Yune sticks her head out.

"Hey guys, we got 'em!" she yells.

Everyone else just stands there, staring at the dam-shaped hole.

"How am I gonna explain this one to Dad?" Tamaki wonders.

"So are they dead?" Katy asks.

"Holy shit," Kaoru says. Megan just nods.

"That was awesome!" Honey yells. "Excellent work, Takashi! Are you okay, Yuki?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I would be better if I hadn't been Mori's landing pad, but I'm fine." She grins and rubs her lower back.

Kyoya is looking off into space, calculating something behind his gleaming glasses. "Oh no…"

"What?" Megan asks him. He just shakes his head. A crash resounds from the direction of his gaze… the direction of the school.

"Yune, dearest!" Yuki yells. "Please tell me that wasn't the school collapsing!"

"That was not the school collapsing," Yune replies, lowering the crane and stepping out with Hikaru, who's still pumped full of adrenaline from smashing a dam with a giant wrecking ball.

"Now tell me the truth, please."

"Oh yeah, that was definitely the school collapsing."

* * *

From: Headmaster Suou

To: All Students

Subject: School Suspended for Three Months

Due to a machinery malfunction, the nearby dam collapsed and resulted in the destruction of and severe water damage to our campus. Your winter break has been extended by three months for repairs. I look forward to seeing all of you when school resumes.

Headmaster Suou

Ouran Academy


	20. Epilogue: Empyrean

Ouran High School Screw-Up

Chapter 20: Empyrean

* * *

3 MONTHS LATER

"Oh my God! Lilly! Megan!" Katy flies and tackles her roommates, sending all three to the carpet of the commons. Mori grins and picks her up easily, despite Honey being perched on his shoulders like a little kid. Katy looks just the same, but she's in plain jeans and t-shirt for the first day back, looking casual for one of the first times in her life.

"How was France?" Megan and Katy yell at Lilly. She beams.

"Fantastic! Tamaki finally found his mom… Oh my gosh, it was _amaaaazing_…" Lilly's hair has grown and she's almost taller than Megan now—but not quite.

"And Megan? The Caribbean?"

Her skin has even more sun, perhaps, than before, and her hair has been cut to just below her jaw line, not even brushing her shoulders. She has a seashell bracelet around her wrist. "Great. I got a wicked tan—but Yune and Hikaru kept pranking us. I knew just Kaoru and I shoulda gone…"

"Where'd you and Mori go, Katy?"

"We stayed here!" Honey replies for her. "We had lots of fun! And ate lots of cake!"

Katy looks up at Mori. "We got engaged, by the way. And he asked me the _sweetest way_…"

Yune, Hikaru and Kaoru spill in through the doors laughing, looking absolutely unchanged. Yune had even cut her hair again to keep it at that boyish length. "Hey guys, guess what we just did!"

"Don't tell us," Megan suggests, smiling and kissing her fiancé. "I really don't want to know."

Kyoya and Yuki wander in with their arms around each other's waists, arguing passionately in German. Yune grabs her twin and spins her around, managing to step on Kyoya's toes in the process.

"Yuki! I missed you, as crazy as that sounds!"

"Me too." She smiles and kisses her twin's cheek. "You're tanner."

"And you're paler. How was London?"

"Great. We went to—"

"Yeah that's great," Yune dismisses, not wanting to hear about some stuffy museum. "You have that creepy glow again."

"Well, I _am_ happy. You might want to try it. You'd think once you'd fallen in love you'd know how I feel…"

"Eww, even after spending so much time with him you _still_ love him?"

"More every day."

"Gross!"

Kyoya just smiles at her. "We're going to be brother- and sister-in-law some day. Remember that."

"_GROSS!_" she yells, smacking his shoulder. Yuki laughs. Her hair has grown out, almost as long as Megan's now. Kyoya loves it—this semester, finally, _finally_, they can be girls. For real.

Tamaki bursts in. "Guys! Guys!" He somehow manages to hug all of them, even though he's outnumbered ten to one. He's beaming from ear to ear. "I missed you so much!"

"The school is repaired nicely," Kyoya comments. "I like the new wallpaper."

"Ooh, me too!" Katy gushes. "I wonder if they redid our room?"

"We're actually looking forward to the Host Club. How lame is that?" Hikaru and Kaoru grin at each other, speaking in unison.

"This is gonna be a good semester," Lilly says, looping an arm around Tamaki, whose smile widens even further. Hikaru and Yune are arm wrestling and Honey is watching; Kaoru is scratching his head, trying to figure out why the hell anyone would challenge Yune. Yuki and Kyoya are whispering and nodding to each other as they make calculations in his Notebook of Death. Katy is telling Mori about her plans for the Host Club parties this semester.

"I love you guys," Megan says, laughing. "You bunch of dorks."


End file.
